Lulu Is The Next Contestant On The Price Is Right Organ Version

Okay, here goes nothing  The title gets you hooked.  Am I right?  You gotta see what ole J-Dub is up to this time.  Am I right???  Well Miss Lulu, come on down.  You’re the next contestant on the Price Is Right!!

Things were not finalized when we left the doctor’s office last Thursday.  We were to wait for a call with the final details.  There was a possibility her surgery would be Friday 5/26 but only if another woman’s insurance refused to pay.  They might not know this until the day before though.  If not 5/26, then for sure she is on for Friday 6/2.  We know there is pre-op testing too and insurance dealings.  The usual crap.  We got stuff to do people!!!!

All weekend we rather I worried about not knowing specific details.  I am anal retentive, borderline obsessive-compulsive, and controlling.  Yea I said it.  At least I own my sH!t. Admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery.  My mind is a whirlwind and I’ve no idea how I will make it until 5/25.  We pray they know something sooner.

This morning I go to my own doctors appointment.  Then shortly after I get to work, I get the call from her doctor’s office.  Sweet “Jean Naté” tells me the surgery will be Friday 6/2 at  9 AM, be there by 7AM.  No food or drink after midnight and this includes even a sip of water. NOTHING!  On 5/31, Lulu is to report to the hospital at 10 AM for pre-op/pre-admittance testing.  On this day, she can eat like normal, no fasting. Whew!  A relief to have specifics.

All is good.  And, then later in the day …

5 minutes (plus or minus a minute or 2) before I have to dial into a mandatory meeting, I get a phone call from her doctor’s office.  Again?  I worry just a bit and consider not answering.  Did something change? Why would they be calling back? Of course I have to answer!  I just said I am compulsive!!

This time it is Anais Anais.  She wanted to explain the billing to me.  She proceeds to explain if X happens, then patient pays, if Y happens then patient pays.  She tells me I have to pay at least 2 days before and since we will be at the hospital on 5/31 anyway, I should just drop on by the office.

Screech.  Back up the bus and stop the ever-loving presses.  I proceed to speak to her as calmly as possible.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hold on, Lulu is not a candidate for anything you have stated.  Her cyst is too big for robotic.  Doctor gave 3 options and there is no sucking or bikini cut

Anais: Those are medical questions, for that you need to speak to Jean Naté

Me: Ok, well whatever it is, we will pay it but I want to make sure what is happening is what is supposed to happen.  Lulu is having an old school vertical incision and excision of the cyst.

Anais: Oh that, yes.  She will be cut open vertically and the cyst removed.  I am giving you the prices with and without ovary/tube removal.  The robot is the tool that cuts her open.

Me: WTF! She is giving me medical info but cannot answer medical questions (thought bubbles only) Instead, in my sweetest southern drawl, I say, “Ok, sugar bear honey pie Anais, give me the prices”.

And you know I did not call her sugar bear or honey pie.  And you know my head was exploding!!!!!! Bam, Boom, WTF!!!

Anais (reading from her script): She has used $448 of a $1500 deductible.  After that is met, the insurance covers 90/10.  Patient responsibility after insurance, $538.18 (robotic some such other) keeps her right ovary OR after insurance $765.29 (robotic some such other) loses her right ovary.  This does not include anesthesia or hospital stay.  They will bill you separately for those.

Me: Thank you and we will see you on 5/31

Well now that just sucks, really sucks hard.  First, Lulu does not qualify for robotic anything and now I am worrying again.  Second, to lose an ovary only costs $765.29.

I have questions.  I want answers.  I wait to tell Billy Bob until I am home.  Of course he calmed me down and said we will ask our questions before anything goes down.  He said “Anais doesn’t know any better and she is probably used to being cussed out.   And I bet lots of people don’t pay.  Medical billing, can you even imagine?”  Funny, I said the same thing to my coworker.  But still!  That is not me.  I was not going to argue or ask her for a discount.  Most important is that Lulu gets the BEST care possible so she doesn’t lose her left ovary when it is her right one that is affected by the cyst.

You hear the horror stories all the time.  This is scary and as it is, we are taking a leap of faith.  I big GIANT leap.  Mainly Lulu.  Completely Lulu.  How alone in a crowd she must feel.  As we watch from the outside unable to do anything but offer our love and support.

Right now I overhear her Facetiming with her bestie.  “Yes!! you can come visit me” as she prattles off her hospital guest list.  “Please come see me because you know I don’t even want to be there”  Now I have proof she is feeling something.  Up until now, she was not saying much of anything.  And she has not cried yet but I know the tears will fall eventually.

As always, more to come.