Happy what would have been tax day. Thanks to the Rona we have more time. Not sure having more time is a good thing but oh well.
My mind is popping like pop corn in oil. The old fashion kind made on the stove in a skillet. Pop! Pop-pop!!
B just found out his cousin has stage 4 lung cancer. They are a month apart in age, grew up together paying at grandma’s house before going their own ways later in life. Brings you right back to the good old days. Praying his battle will be won but realizing the alternative is likely.
This same cousin had Hodgkin’s lymphoma at 20. Then a reoccurrence in his 40s that he fought vigilantly. The doctors think this most recent cancer is a direct side effect of the radiation and chemo he took battling the reoccurrence.
Throughout all this he is still working. He’s actually planning a business trip to Indiana. Boy howdy! That is fortitude. I am awed, amazed and inspired. True we never really know what we will do when faced with limited choices. Some people rise to the fight and others well they succumb. I’d like to think I would buck up if placed in the same position but more than likely I’d take to my bed. Hope I will never have to find out.
Another recent example is my cousin Marie. She has been battling cancer for years now. Several close calls but still she powers on; making trips for treatment to Houston from rural Seguin TX. Most recently a medication taken for anxiety and to deal with the pain has made it where she cannot open her mouth. Yesterday she posted a very raw selfie with a caption, maybe this is a good thing? She is a talker. Joking that this gives her hubby a break. Her smile was turned completely upside down and locked shut, yet there was light and levity in her shining eyes.
First things first happy birthday to Buddy and Spot! Depending on who you ask there either 11 or 12 years old.
My mind is a whirling dervish. What’s that you say? How the hell do I know? I’m just MSU or making stuff up
I got a reprieve. My report due today has been given an extension. The necessary data is not available until the eighth of the month at the earliest. Unbeknownst to me I only had January and February numbers. They are giving me time to pull March data and further analyze it. So I’m very glad I didn’t stay late last night.
I thought things would get better with the extra time but nope. Back to back meetings all damn day. I’m freaking exhausted. We’re supposed to try no meeting Fridays and no meetings after 2pm Wednesdays. We’ve tried something like that before and it never lasts long. But the new guy has spoken. Let’s see if he can change things.
Now I’m going off the grid. I might read or listen to music. Anything to escape for a little while.
I’ve been riled up and full of angst. Giving time, time I feel much better today. Nothing to rail against the wind about.
What also helped was a conversation I had with a coworker young enough to be my son. He asked me how I was dealing with our imminent changes and other assorted work issues. My response came easy without much thought. I won’t bore you with the details. But I was surprisingly calm and rational. Taking some of my own medicine, I’m rolling with the flow. Only thing we can control is our reaction.
Besides right now we have more questions than answers. Instead of filling in holes by making stuff up, I’ll practice the pause. Ohm. Ohm. Ohm. Oh Monty Python.
More like Thursday tears. Not my tears but Lulu’s. Seeing your child in pain and knowing there is nothing you can do about it is heartbreaking. But this is not about me. I need to quit making it about me.
I miss my momma. She would want to hear our sad, sad tale. She’d have pearls of wisdom to share. Well daddy too. My parents were good at the advice game. B and I not even close. His parents … fuhgeddaboudit.
Poor Lulu feels all alone. Which technically she is … alone. But aren’t we all? Together alone. Ugh. Though she is not the only person in this situation. Sadly, unemployment is rampant. Yet I read articles about businesses having to beg people to work. Well where are those places? I hear the complaints about unreliable no show millennials who are self absorbed. I know a 20 something who would do anything to get her foot in the door.
B is calm and assured something will break. He says it has to because change is inevitable. Timing is everything. Until then the stress is soul crushing.
And that’s all she wrote on this Thursday. Lemme let ya go.
Jiminy Cricket! Hard to believe today is March 11th. Where has the time gone? Into the vortex as time always does … Whoosh!!!!!!!!!!
I’m writing these swirling thoughts to get them outta my head. Earlier this week I went to my check-up. No more tests were ordered since the litany of tests up to this point are all negative. Mind you my last test was in 2019 but oh well. The doctor respects my not wanting to add more pills to my already large daily intake and has prescribed physical therapy instead. I think I will do this by tele-med. Yeah it’s a new thing. We’ll Zoom, rumba, stretch, etc. Maybe these stretches will untwist what has twisted inside my gut and outside my brain. Which remains twisted cuz ya know. Anxiety prone brain and everything.
Two days shy of a year ago everything changed. March 6, 2020 was a Friday. Lulu and the BF came home for Spring Break and never went back except to collect their belongings. I took the whole week off. We opted for a stay-cation deferring until summer a big trip to celebrate her pending graduation. Hindsight 20/20 (pun intended) we should’ve taken the trip. Of course if we had, we could’ve ended up as one of the first pandemic victims.
I got the call from my boss to continue staying home. Temporary precautions. Better safe than sorry. Blink then 90 plus percent of our 30k employee base are working from home. I’ll spare you the gory details of those initial Rona daze. Of shelters in place or a euphemism for shutdowns. A resurgence of the word quarantine. You’ve likely got plenty stories of your own.
In June 2020, a voluntary return to office (RTO) was piloted after lots of workplace changes were made. Then in October 2020, RTO was expanded. Official EMG back on site scheduled for March 1, 2021 with employees to follow was delayed until further notice. This despite our building earning the coveted WELL Health-Safety rating.
We got vaccinated as soon as we were eligible. Shot one on 2/1/21 and shot two on 3/1/21. We got excited as more and more doses became available. Cringing at the widely varied and often unorganized way of distribution. Sharing what we knew when we knew it. Encouraging others to sign up too. We hoped many others would want to get this voluntary vaccine. Ready to resume some normalcy when all was said and done. Then the blow comes and with less than 7% having received the shots, our Governor is opening up the state and ending the mask mandate. He’s saying all the right words claiming people know better and will do the right thing even without a mandate. My initial reaction to this news was shock. Then sadness. I’m not afraid though. Not anymore.
I can’t control anything but my own actions and reactions. Our bubble has decided to continue wearing our masks, social distancing, and washing our hands (in my case compulsively). We will fully support businesses who continue the precautions as well. We will vote with our feet and discontinue patronage of places who don’t. Again, it’s all we can control. As I write this post, the mantra of “you do you” rolls through my head.
I’m a bit emotional this week. I wish I could pinpoint why to help with coping. Mostly I pray. All the memories of growing up in the church come flooding back. From rote memory, the comforting hum of repeating soothing words calms me. But the feeling is temporary before the twisting gut churning pains are back. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
March 8th is the day. My appointment of February 15 pushed out three weeks. Hoping for some relief. I think I can make it that long. In the meantime, I’ll keep praying. In the good times too. Trying to cultivate a grateful heart.
B got it right. We’re all cooped up. Cabin fever was bound to get us sooner or later. For almost a year now with this pandemic we’ve altered our interactions. But this even more intense winter lockdown was the ignition point to fuel the fever. Damn it’s hot in here … inside my brain.
I’m hanging on by a thread. Grateful for all we have which is quite a bit actually. We had water at the worst of it, then the pressure dropped, then the trickle dried up. Now we have heat but no water. Several have been without heat for days. Worse yet people without both also for days. They predict more snow but with temps in the 40s we might escape the love fest that happened on Valentines night.
I remember being cold at home growing up because we did not have central heat. We did have a precursor to central heat which was an electric wall heater that warned only the hallway it was in. This was in addition to a gas heater which was pulled out only during winter and kept in the corner of our den. That kept us warm during the day but we’d have to turn it off at night for safety sake. I mean it was actual flames keeping us all cozy. I have memories of taking my pillow and blanket off my bed to go sleep on the floor right in front of the wall heater. Back then I could sleep anywhere and I did. I tried to make a nest all comfy but really it was a hard linoleum floor.
Not sure why that is a fond memory and this … what we’re going through now is nothing but a nightmare. Wake me when this is over. Right now I’m going to try to get a little more sleep.
We just found out that the dad of one of Pony’s kindergarten classmates passed away. The dad was only 56 years old, leaving behind his widow (wife of 35 years) and three children in their 30s/20s. For a brief time, our paths crossed before going separate directions. Yet hearing this brings right back memories from yesteryears. Field trips to the zoo and class gatherings. We’re deeply saddened by his passing.
Everyone was wondering if Covid was the cause of death but it was not. The family did not wish to disclose details all over the Internet but in talking with a friend of a friend, we learned he had surgery back in November for what should have been a very treatable illness but the surgery went south. He battled an infection for two months afterwards, never recovering.
I don’t wish to go against their wishes which is why I stop here. Generic this could be anybody. Had it been Covid that’s a different matter to me. No stopping when it comes to Covid or any other public health issue. I’m not trying to be morbid or nosy in wanting to know the sometimes gory details. We don’t know what we don’t know which is why I ask. I want to know mainly to avoid a similar fate.
We have a friend who recently had and beat Covid. When one of the many responses to his post alerting us to his recovery was “how did you get it?” his reply was “I dunno man, wish I did”. No PM me for details to be discreet. Only I dunno. I didn’t write back anything … FB is definitely not the place. Instead I thought to myself how the hell does he not know???? With contact tracing being the utmost importance, he should know. Anyone he came into contact with should know and he should’ve been informed by the spreader.
Again not trying to be nosy. But that’s info that should be shared don’t you think? I mean c’mon. Or maybe I am stepping into something that truly is nunya (our shorthand for none of your business).
I have to wonder how many people, living in parallel universe, are keeping things to themselves to protect their privacy when disclosing the info could help us all? I wish there was a reliable source of the truth. What works, what doesn’t, etc… Ultimately I prefer to hear directly from my fellow humans who have gone through it. Disclaimer it up if you have to because we are all different and experiences WILL vary but for the love of God say something!!
I have too much time on my hands. Which is why I am a workaholic. I work to keep from thinking. Of course I have to think to perform my job adequately but that kind of thinking is focused, logical, process oriented. I don’t truly care for idle time. When that happens my mind begins to wander down rabbit holes and the thinking takes on a warped quality.
With my day off today, I used my found idle time for something productive. I got some bills settled and had my appointment. Then I revamped this idea which was hatched back on 12/17/20, Thoughtful Thursday.
Can you believe 12/17/20 was not even two full months ago? Yet seems like forever. But then I hear can you believe January is over? Time flies! Well I’m here to tell ya, time does whatever the hell she wants. Time like Hope is a fickle bitch! Or male equivalent of bitch. Ruff Ruff. Now what did I tell ya above? I’m wandering … down rabbit holes.
Oh ya, back to this self imposed task. I have a badge for this Thursday edition of my re-titled Thursday Thoughts. As much as I tried to justify Thoughtful Thursday, my steel trap mind only thinks of thoughtful as kindness. Oh how sweet of you to think of me kindness. I looked back at my handful of entries and my topics are just me reflecting, rambling, going down those bunny trails, not thoughtful or carefully considerate at all.
Okie dokie, without further ado, the unveiling of my feature image aka badge but not really a badge because the dimensions are all wrong …………..
Whadda ya think?
My shadow by our tree, sweater around waist and hands folded up by my face (not that the shadow shows that detail).
Whew! And that is all for now. I am sure not going to stay as late at the blog work as I stay at the day job. Signing off until mañana.