I met up with some former coworkers this morning at the mothership. Yep, that’s what we call the home office. I will repeat that until my final day. I love the connotation of being unique … like from Mars, going to the mothership. Not in a drink to kool-aid way. In a we are united in mission & purpose kind of way.
I got six hugs people, count them, six long overdue hugs. Feels good to be around people again. Only 20 minutes, not nearly long enough, still felt like we packed in the important stuff. And I made people laugh. I’ve decided that’s my life’s goal. We need more laughter. I have no filters & at my advanced age, I’ve earned the right to say any fool thing that pops into my brain. Well not exactly. I will behave. Mostly. Sometimes. Rarely. Or when I have to behave.
I had two pretty good stories percolating in ye ole brain but I lost them. I need to write in the moment or my mind is like a sieve. Good for me that there are always more stories waiting in the wings. If I’m awake, I’m always thinking ’bout something. My life is a soundtrack, story laden, fest of nonsense. Anywho, moving on.
B is finishing up the money pit. A historical home in Olmos Park. Not his money pit mind you but the owners. They got in over their heads & relatives have bailed them out a few times. Not sure what was done to get the moola but they are fully funded again which means B & K are back at the restoration work. Today they got a compliment for the quality of their workmanship. Very niche stuff that not many people can do. He told the owners that coming up they learned from old guys on the job, some of the best like Francis. Then B & K looked at each other and said “damn we’re the old guys now!”
Awww cue music. Tis true. But they’ve earned it, every last bit that this sentiment conjures up. History might not continue much longer if fewer younger folks get into the trade. Ornamental plasterwork is already a dying art.
I’ve been thinking. You say “duh Jilly, so what else is new?” Ha! Nothing! Absolutely nothing say it again. Do NOT start on me earworm, do not start on me … too late
Let’s move this stream thinking along.
Does your iPhone/iPad make videos for you? Like compilations & name them & set them to music too? Mine does. I didn’t set up this feature but I love it! As a plant lover, I have tons of stills of greenery that I’ve taken over the years. For a while, I belonged to the SA Botanical Gardens. I let my membership lapse but I still visit often. Then every Riverwalk stroll, any special arrangements for the Dub girls, & so on … I collect floral images. When I got this video, I changed the music & texted it trying to spread the beauty. I don’t think my recipients cared as much. Well one did, 25% not like I’m counting. Which moves me to my next thought.
Here’s where I need your input people of bloglandia. If you text someone & they don’t reply, does it mean anything? Like does it mean they hate you? Or something less extreme? You may say “it depends Jilly, on who or what you send”.
My better 1/2 says he has a condition where he must respond to all texts & he must be the last response. He has so many ‘Ok’ texts it’s silly. My sonshine on the other hand says he never responds to texts. He may read them but he’s a talk on the phone person. He’s only 34, older millennial but still millennial which means we can’t stereotype. Well we can but we shouldn’t. Lulu is somewhere in between with the every text does not require a reply philosophy. Just like every email doesn’t need an answer in worklandia. Except for the occasional ‘bite me’ email … Haha.
I guess what I’m wondering is if you got a pretty 1-2 minute video of flowers, set to beautiful carefully chosen music from me, would you text me back? There are no wrong answers, unless of course you hate me. I always jump to that conclusion. But as I learned yesterday, someone’s life is a huge circle & what we know about it is only a dot. Why we should be kind. A thumbs up is kind in case anyone was wondering.
My niece just had her first baby, a beautiful boy. Today is her birthday turning 33. I turned 33 shortly after Lulu was born. Doing quick math, my niece & I are both born six days & 33 years from the blessing of our respective child’s birth. That’s a pleasant thought.
I’m over thinking whether I should give my condolence on the first annual anniversary of a passing of a loved one. I stop short for many reasons, none all that good. While we share DNA, we are truly strangers, at best only acquaintances but truthfully not even that. All one sided & made up in my mind.
In general, people don’t want to “pick at the scab” which makes saying nothing the easy choice. Speaking only for myself, the silence hurts more than talking about your deceased loved one. Some days all I want to do is talk about Jimbo Pete, or my mom, or dad, my grandmas, or aunts, uncles, cousins … you get the drift. Keep their memory alive. Decisions, decisions. The only way to reach this person is email & my one & only prior email went unanswered. Maybe I just send my sympathies regardless without expectation. For we never know what little acts of kindness might do.
As I was tooling around Wally World getting my weekly groceries & the groceries for my in-laws, I had an idea for this post. I didn’t want to forget the premise so I did a talk to text in my notes app. I’m reading those notes now. Oy vey. Heads or tails Jilly. Even my reminders are stream of consciousness but I am in good company with the likes of Bob Saget, dare I say. May he Rest in Peace. His book Dirty Daddy: The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian was very insightful yet sad because he wrote it with the future in mind but he is sadly gone too soon. More on that later.
Lulu takes our list, I take my in-laws’ list then we divide & conquer. We went to the store Monday since we were off work & our usual weekend excursion would have been on X-Mas Eve or Christmas Day therefore out of the question. We braced for crowds but there wasn’t any. Nary a soul braved the wild on Boxing Day but to be fair this was at the b’crack of dawn, grocery shopping not department store shopping though both Wally & the Gucci B have both. The former is a big box retailer while the latter is very Alamo Heights niche.
We did the Gucci B first since the items there did not need to be kept cold. On his list, PoPo put two bottles of Korbel, champagne, Brut, NS = no substitutions (he carries this abbreviation over from our curbside days). He also wanted orange juice to go along for mimosas & deluxe mixed nuts also NS! I got a bit misty looking at his list since the usual old people type items were on there too. He was planning ahead for NYE baby or New Year’s Day as the case may be.
Well I looked for the champagne at the Gucci B thinking they might not even have it with the hoity toity niche selections. But when I spied two bottles of course grabbed them. Then at Wally World I looked & wouldn’t you know it, the same damn product for $8 less a bottle. WTF?!?!
I was raised by two depression era parents & this was no bargain, I overpaid by $16 plus tax. Overpaying for something is the sin of all sins. My mind automatically started calculating what I could have bought for them with that $16 plus tax. I must admit my heart skipped a beat but I was not about to return the more expensive bottles for what was in front of me. Sometimes ‘time’ fits into the cost calculation. Then later on in the day I looked at Total Wine & More online which had Korbel Brut at an additional $2 less per bottle than the cheaper ones for a total of $20 plus tax off the original paid price. Ugh, why did I even look?
I’ve noticed some rollbacks on the cost of our frequently purchased items which means maybe the tide is turning. Or not & I’m simply wishful thinking. Going into my extreme coupon mode now. Bring it 2023, we’ll be ready. Challenge accepted.
How can it be 12/22/22 already?!? This day is more lucky than yesterday since it has double twos X two. By now I either lit the metaphorical fuse or I wussed out. I’m writing this post in advance to keep the streak alive.
You see, I’m not quite sure how I will react to the repercussions of my actions. Then why oh why am I possibly doing this thing? Maybe to feel human? Or because I know this current state is unhealthy & can’t go on?
To be ceremonial, I had to do what I did (or almost did) last night on my actual B-Day. I couldn’t put off to analyze any further. Truth be told I’ve been analyzing my situation for months now, no closer to a perfect solution. Little secret, perfection is an illusion or often overrated. Part of me thinks I would have been content with status quo despite how awful this feels. Time to stand up for myself.
Now I know you’re all waiting with baited breath. What did silly Jilly do? But I can’t say because there aren’t enough words in the dictionary to explain these emotions which defy description. The concrete, non-emotional words include multiple steps. In a nutshell, it’s too complicated.
I’ve created fantasies about a variety of possible outcomes. But I’m no Kreskin. I hope I’m wrong but what if I’m right? Oy Vey.
Happy Birthday to my baby girl!!! She turns 25 today. That’s a quarter century. My oh my, where did the time go? We celebrated this past Sunday since her special day fell on a weekday when work interrupts & it’s not as easy to celebrate. Besides, she is getting her sleeve done. Been planning the design for months.
She picked the recipe for her birthday dessert but I made the cookie cake, all homemade & I had the best time baking it. Filmed it all & posted a few videos/stills. She will return the favor for me in six days. My request is a Duncan Hines box cake for nostalgia sake. If I haven’t mentioned before, she was my best birthday gift ever.
As I was getting my bake on, as I like to say, I was remembering the best Navy cook ever who taught me that the first thing one does when she starts prepping in the kitchen is make a full sink of hot soapy water to clean as you go. That lesson stuck but the wear your apron didn’t. I kept wiping off my hands & may have chocolate stains on my Lucky Palace T-shirt. It’s being treated with Shout Out & I hope to save it. I keep my clothes for the long haul, not even remotely a fashionista.
Two more weeks & 2022 will be in our rear view. Thank goodness! This year was one I’d rather forget despite some unbelievable moments. The epitome of highest of highs & lowest of lows. I am worn out. But and it’s a big but, I will rise again. God willing & the creek don’t rise.
I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself but no worries, I will bounced back to the sunny, funny girl I was once upon a time just as soon as I extract these intrusive thoughts from my brain. I’m about to burn bridges y’all. I’ve been holding back because as it says in a book I just read, “words do not come with gift receipts, you can’t take them back.” Ugh!
I want to shout from the mountain tops, I’m right HERE. You don’t get to ignore me. I’m not a ghost, I’m a real girl! I feel like Stella Dallas, outside the window, in the snow, looking into that better life that I’m not part of. Watch the movie y’all, it’ll bring you to tears. I gave up the get real series idea but this post with expanded content would go there. I’m still holding back. So if I’m not going to give up the goods, lemme let ya go.
That’s all she wrote. Until next time. Be cool, relax. Just breathe.
I was originally thinking I would write about the 3 Doscher sisters, 2 of whom were my aunts but then life taught me some valuable lessons & my thoughts shifted. This mini soap box is brought to you for my mental health. I’ll eventually write about my aunties & their sister.
First lesson, don’t assume. Obvious & everyone knows this but I assumed & I was wrong.
Second lesson, be patient. You’ve no idea what’s happening in some else’s life. People won’t always work on your timeline. It doesn’t mean they hate you.
Third lesson, life is way too short to hold grudges or burn bridges. Make the most of things while you can. What’s meant for you eventually happens but while waiting, keep living or you might miss something that you didn’t even know you needed.
My cousin reached to me out of the blue. That was my lifeline which made me brave enough to reach out to our extended family. Then just yesterday random luck had me stumble across sad news to which I took action with a small note of condolences. Sometimes it takes sorrow to reset perspective. Reminds me to be nice always & for no reason… just because. And to our next door neighbor battling cancer, we wish you all the strength you need to beat this!