Sunday Reflections ~ A Week in Review ~ 9/25/22

Yep I know it’s still September but I’m ready for Halloween hence the feature image. This week was rough. I had to be in office which isn’t new but what made it different was we had in person meetings. Large group gatherings. And yes I was the only dork in a mask. Another thing that made it rough was my MRI & results with next steps to commence. Good to know but overwhelming all the same. And if that was not enough, I was called out by a coworker from another area to a point where our managers had to step in. I was offended y’all, that is all I’m going to say about that.

Well wait there’s more. I was so very upset that I shared what had happened with two trusted co-workers, besties. In their defense of me, we learned some things about each other I could never have imagined. Unrelated to the work incident but about life. Goes to show 100% that you never know what anyone else might be going through so just be kind to everyone, even if you don’t like them, maybe especially when you don’t like them. And use the F word often because nothing releases pain that swearing. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!! Look it up, research shows that’s true.

Meanwhile on the homefront, MoMo is declining. Friday was the first time that she didn’t recognize PoPo. She called him Griffin. I thought that was good since at least Griff is her grandson. That maybe her faculties will come back. A momentary misfired synapse. But it isn’t good when your spouse of almost 60 years doesn’t know who you are at all. PoPo is devastated. He said if there is a merciful God, he will take her now because she never wanted to live like that. None of us do.

He hadn’t called the nurses station since that happened so I did that for him. They said she refused occupational therapy & had slept over 12 hours & was still sleeping. The nurse said MoMo’s vitals were good & sleep is what she needs. They’ve said she was down for the count before & she bounced back. For now, things are wait & see. But I’m back in it again. After removing myself when things went to hell in a handbasket back in January. I don’t think she will know who I am much less accuse me of trying to send her away. Everything I do from here on out is for B and his daddy. Our sweetest PoPo.

Okay, moving on to the recap. Reversing it up again. Rebel that I am!

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/18/22

I’ve got so much to spill! Something happened to release the floodgates of my mental angst & that sH!t flowed away out to sea or rolled all the way down the hill. I’m so much better. My worry was making my physical worse though I still do have that sadly but I also have a Plan B!!! And since B is well B, that is good luck. AmIRight?!?!?! I won’t write everything because quite frankly my memory is not what it used to be. In my excitement, I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

Happy birthday to the boyfriend. Not mine. Lulu’s. She visiting him for lunch. There was a time in the not so distant past where that wasn’t possible. No need for more details but we’re just happy happy those days are over.

I’m looking at my work calendar because that’s how I remember stuff. I worked at home Monday – Wednesday knowing I would do my requisite two days in office on Thursday and Friday. Thursday was the big pizza party & I was the only dork in a mask. But and it’s a big but, I do not care. If I can social distance, I’m sans the mask. I have 2 shots and 3 boosters, yep we got #3, the bi-variant booster on 9/11/22, even the kids ages 34 and 24. That’s why I sometimes take off my mask at work. I test weekly too. And if I catch the vid at work, I will be forever pissed. Anyway, I feel okay with the level of care I’m taking for the most part but in close quarters like we were Thursday, uh nope. B asks me what did you do? I said socialized with my mask on as others ate. I talked to more people than I have in quite a while. Then I took two slices of pizza back to my socially distanced desk. Can you just hear the music? You’re anti, you’re anti-social … lol

Friday when I got a florentine scramble bagel (healthy points subsidy 1/2 off for only $1.79), the lady ringing me up said “you have a beautiful heart”. And me, for a split second, I thought she was complimenting me for being a nice person … you know a beautiful heart. I’m trying hard to make things right & be kind. Then she points to my wrist, your tattoo is lovely. Awwww. That’s my Lulu’s handiwork.

Ok, enough rambling. I have run out of time to spill so guess I will write more on that later. Here is the roll call. In reverse for a change up.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/11/22

If he were still living, the only daddy I ever knew would be 106 today. Happy heavenly birthday. I still look back with fondness on how he called grandma on his birthday to congratulate her for having a fantastic first-born son. They’d chat in Czech & we never understood what they were saying but we hung on every word of his side of the conversation all the same. He would treat the entire family to dinner out. We have several September birthdays included in the festivities. Those were the days my friend. Rather than rewrite something new, I’m pinging back to three different 9/11 posts from 2021.

Never Forget ~ 9/11/21

Bluer than blue ~ 9/11/21

#SoCS ~ 9/11/21

I’ve so much to reflect on & that much more for which to be grateful.

Now for a brief roll call:

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/4/22

Well I took off Friday and will be off tomorrow making this a four day Labor Day weekend. I went to physical therapy Friday, got bad (or not the best if not completely bad) news, came home and napped too much making for poor sleep. Yesterday Lulu & I walked over 5 miles to shake the cobwebs loose. Well for me. I’m still doing the damn homework from physical therapy to try to keep things at bay. I’m not looking forward to this next set of tests but dammit, I need to find out what is wrong with me. The pain is off the charts lately or should I say always.

On a more positive note, I’m taking chances and trying to get out of my head more. I have my outlet support group. A sorority of sorts though not one anyone wants to join. Rather a cohort created by people bonding over shared trauma. #iykyk

Now let’s roll call

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 8/28/22

I’m feeling the feels y’all. What a week & that included vacation days which I used to my full advantage. I’m still iffy about the work situation. Trying not to overthink & make stuff up. Come what may motherfuckers. Oh behave. Such language. Momma sure would not be happy about my word choices lately. I wish I could share what was happening without making myself look bad or needy or desperate or all of the above. I don’t want pity but I do want something & this whatever “this” is ain’t it. And I feel bad about that because B & the kids deserve me to be better. My doctor’s appointment is on 9/8/22 where I will have to face up to the potential of something a little more invasive. At this point, I’m all for whatever extreme measures it takes to get better. Still scared but feels like there is no alternative. Now for a quick roll call.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 8/21/22

I’ve had a rollercoaster week, mostly self-induced but one of these days I WILL be proven right!! LOL. Until then worry takes away today’s peace & does nothing about tomorrow’s woes. I saw that on a sign in front of the Boltville Presbyterian Church many years ago. It struck me so much so that I turned around and went into the parking lot to stop & write it down. This was before cameras in cell phone days. I had a notepad & pencil in my glovebox to write down my mileage whenever I filled up the tank to calculate my miles per gallon. Now my car does that for me. Will miracles never cease?!?! I promised myself I would take the words to heart & STOP worrying but nope. Look up worry in the dictionary & you will find ME, Jilly J-Dub, with a big ole faux smile on my face. Oh well, not to worry. Let’s instead commence with the roll call.

I remembered later in the day yesterday that 8/20/22 is B’s Uncle Pat’s birthday. Pat is B’s mom’s youngest brother. He has special needs & every year a huge fuss was made on his day bringing in extended family far & wide. After G-Ma Sally passed, the siblings still had a big to-do just without all the cousins. Guess they wanted to spare us but such a shame because seeing each other for whatever the reason was always a treat. Now we’ve scattered like dandelions. And Uncle Pat isn’t doing well, in a nursing home, mostly paralyzed. My heart hurts sometimes y’all. B? He says of course he wishes his uncle was better but he doesn’t miss all that other stuff. Apparently I’m all he needs or some such nonsense. I joked with him that being his everything was way too much pressure & he should go find his own friends. LOL. Gotta laugh people, life is WAY too short otherwise.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 8/14/22

Ole Vincent in my feature image has that look in his eye. Is it genius or edge of insanity or perhaps both? I was this many years old when I learned two things can be true at the same time. Actually, I knew that before today but the lesson doesn’t want to stick. Absolutes are rarely true but I’m uncomfortable with the gray.

Another lesson I’ve learned this past week is that I’m not the sun & the world doesn’t revolve around me. Same in that I already knew that, but the lesson is not sticking. I’m waiting for a fantasy that will never come true. I need to take the hint and go. I can’t make someone act the way I want them to & even if I could, would I want their pity inclusion? Nope, I would not. I don’t want to be some desperate person. Though I am desperate dammit. I just don’t want to be seen that way. I want to be loved because I’m loveable, not because of some obligation. And right now even their obligation is falling short.

I’m getting there folks, to the roll call. But before I do that, let me just say for anyone who stumbles across this post, silence it torture. Say fuck off, don’t string people along ever for any one. Silence is not polite, it is not kind. Silence means instead that you’re not even worth of acknowledgment. And from personal experience that sucks. Don’t do that to your fellow human being. Pretty sure your momma raised you better than that.

Without further ado, here’s a recap …

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 8/7/22

Life is not for the faint of heart. Lots of drama this past week. When I’m at my most riled up, something happens to virtually slap my face, the cosmos telling me to get over myself. Not to minimize my woes but lordy, lordy things could be worse. Please pray for my brother who has been admitted to the hospital if prayers are your kind of thing or well wishes of any sort are much appreciated.

On a somewhat better note, my mother-in-law is back home. Unbelievable really because for a while things looked as if she may never walk again. But she’s up & around, slowly but still able to take care of minimum daily activities. Her mind was affected though. Sadly, that part is harder to resolve & might never be. She wasn’t really ready to leave the facility but insurance said she was “good enough” & gave her the boot. Not much time to do so but the home has been baby proofed & in home care will come a few times each week. My poor hubby going through this alone. Well not truly alone but he is missing D somewhat fierce because no one knows like your sibling.

I continue to do my homework for physical therapy & hope to avoid surgery or being prescribed heavy duty drugs. I’m still not any better but I’m also not any worse. The pain is still constant but tolerable & quite surprisingly, I feel best right after I’ve done my moves. Guess this homework is an everyday for the rest of my life type of thing. Put on some nice music and physical therapy is almost bearable.

Now for the roll call …

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review

Oh the joy this past week has been. Said in my very sarcastic and disingenuous voice. For there is no joy in Mudville, mighty Jilly has struck out. Get it? A poem from my 8th grade memory banks has resurfaced. Can I get a do over please?

I did a lot of strolling down memory lane last week. Looking at scrapbooks and other assorted memorabilia from my youth. It got so bad that at one point that B came to me sitting on the floor in my office, took the scrapbook from my hands, made me stand up, and hugged me. For the longest time, he said nothing. Then gently he said Jill, this has to stop, you’re only hurting yourself.

We’ve had the discussion many times before. I can’t make people act a certain way, the way I would act in the same situation. To be loved just as I am, just for simply existing. Some people flat out don’t care and others care too much. Guess which group I fall into?

What galls me the most is how I sit around waiting for scraps. Any little bit of acknowledgement, I glom over & hang onto for dear life. Gives me hope for something more concrete one of these days. And I panic because I feel like I’m running out of time.

No roll call today. Instead I will wallow in my self pity party. Those sad soirees are happening more frequently than my liking. I promise I won’t stay here long. I just need a break from pretending I’ve things all figured out. Yeah I know, I wasn’t fooling anyone.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 7/24/22

There was a flurry of activity this past week. The big surprise is I kept my big mouth shut. Until now that is! I’ve got to spill the tea as the kids say. Lulu hates when I say that. Mom just stop. Okay I won’t say it, I will only write it. lol

The Dubs are doing what we always doing, laughing to keep from crying. I may or may not have mentioned that MoMo was released from the hospital into a nursing home for P/T. Her MRI confirmed that she was not having reactions to medication as was previously thought but instead she was having a series of strokes. This has left her unable to walk. Oh and she did break her arm, that part was true but we’ve yet to figure out why they never told us that. It happened at the beginning when she fell out of bed, hit her head, and the rest of the events unfolded. Her mind is not right either. Alcoholic dementia. No way to sugar coat that. In her current state, she has come up with some fantastic stories I tell ya what.

PoPo & B are doing their best to talk to her when she gets riled up but that is not enough. As a favor to PoPo, B asked Lulu & Pony to call her. Not me. I’m the outlaw who tried to put her into a home when this all first started happening in January. B warned them that she wasn’t making sense. She claims the facility is run by homeless people stealing her underwear. Yep, cannot make this stuff up. Pony asks do I really have to call her? Just tell her I did. Haha. Then he talked his sister into going first.

Lulu was able put her psychology degree to work. I heard her on the phone. She’s got her community liaison voice on. Sugary sweet. Just as agreeable as can be. Afterwards she comes to tell us. No mention of homeless underwear stealers but instead she is getting out Monday & PoPo can’t keep her there because the doctor knows what’s best. She said PoPo & I are at it again, conspiring to keep her locked up. Well this go around folks, I purposefully stayed OUT of it. She also said her mean grandson who says awful things to her was probably in on it too. The mind is a funny thing, she is remembering Christmas Eve 2019 where truly some ugly things were said but they were all warranted!! Doh! They even made amends with him apologizing & her accepting his apology (we thought). Pony has decided he is not going to call her for fear that would make things worse.

Tuesday was the first day B was able to visit her & Thursday they called to tell him she tested positive for Covid that morning during the weekly screening. He called his doctor who cancelled his pre scheduled appointment for Friday. They told him no need to quarantine since he is double vax & double boosted but to wear a mask around people for a full 10 days regardless. He needed to test in 5 days (for sure) or if symptoms develop. If negative test on day 5, halfway there and should continue to wear a mask for at least 5 more days. If positive and/or he develops symptoms to call them back for next steps. He has remained symptom free & yesterday’s day 5 test was negative! Oh and I should mention MoMo is asymptomatic. That’s another thing she claims is a farce/ruse to keep her locked up. She insists she doesn’t have the virus. But what are you gonna do? She has to stay there until she is mobile again. Tomorrow is another big pow wow to game plan her treatment plan. Wish B & PoPo luck!

And because this blog is all about ME. I started back to physical therapy last week, trying to stay upbeat. The pain isn’t worse but it isn’t any better. I’m giving time, time & all that jazz. Despite finding out family health history which I was positive would help, I’m no closer to a diagnosis much less a cure. Feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Now for a very quick roll call then I’m going back to bed. Lazy day Sunday is the ticket. Tomorrow is another day for bright & shiny faces.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.