Sunday Ramblings ~ 3/21/21

I’ve calmed down a bit from this morning. Still two things are sticking with me. Hard to shake the feelings. Writing has always helped me do that. Shake the bad feelings away.

Do I whine? Spew the angst to release the hounds. Or should I do something better? Words are just that. Nothing. Bleh. No action. Though I agree with the platitude “words matter”. Words can scar as easy as physical harm in certain instances. Some of this calls for action. Cut! yells the director of my life. Which is me of course. Silly Jilly.

Okay, first up. Friday I received an email, the entire company did. The email contained what I consider to be bad news. Not earth shattering bad but more irritant/inconvenience bad. Something that was a long time coming. The convo to deal with the news went something like this …

Me to B after hearing that come 7/6/21 I will be returning to HELL aka Hybrid work model: Do you think I have saved enough to be able to retire at 55?

B: Uh we’ll never know since you’re already 57.

Me: Wait. What? Liar. LOL You’re 57!

Me continued: How old am I? Am I really 56?

B just looks at me.

B: Why do you want to retire all of a sudden. You love your job.

Me: Their moving us back to the office.

For those who know me, I went into Work From Home (WFH) silently kicking and screaming. My boss called me during Spring Break 2020 and said do not go back in. Me the self-proclaimed introvert was like a cat on a hot tin roof. I learned very quickly that I am not an introvert in the least. In protest, I worked off a TV tray in my living room from my tiny screened laptop. I occasionally moved to sit up at the bar between the living room and kitchen but mostly I didn’t get comfortable on purpose because THIS was temporary.

I made a routine of it. I got up and dressed like normal. I took my morning walk like normal. There were minimum things I did to deal during the pandemic. Originally I worked obsessively until I started to settle in.

Eventually I ordered my docking station and moved into Pony’s old bedroom. I ordered my wireless headset. I stopped working weekends. I even took much needed vacation days off. As days turned into weeks turned into months then over a year I got comfortable. I have become very greedy about my TIME.

Time is all any of us have anyway. Right? I don’t want to waste my time with a hybrid model for fucking appearances sake. Which BTW is why I believe we are doing this. And it is not fair. For me, the company has won on this deal. I have not missed a beat. And I was rewarded in return with less stress and less commute.

Of course life is not fair. Everyone is different and the company has lost on others who are not productive in a WFH setting. I get that. I also get I have zero say in this situation. Like the good little girl I was raised to be I will do as I am told. All with the certainty that others on my team will find ways to push their agenda. Some may even get what I crave. That is how things were before the pandemic. Why would I expect them to be different afterwards. Ugh.

Will I be brave enough to speak up? Considering life has changed me over this past year, maybe I will be brave. Make my case. While we wait for more details to come mid-April, I think I will quietly plan my exit strategy. You know … Cut off my nose to spite my face. Another Ugh.

Whew! I’m exhausted. I do feel better by admitting some of this stuff. Things are not as gut-twisty. I know I’m extremely lucky to even have a job considering so many others did not fare as well. We were spared from the virus hitting us directly. Several un-virus related things we have dealt with this past year were way worse. And some were life-savingly better. Overall I say we are blessed.

And with that, I’ll quit complaining. Suck it up buttercup. I don’t have it in me to spew about topic #2. Maybe I’ll do that in Thursday Thoughts. Oh well. Lemme let ya go.

As always, more to come.

#WDIIA ~ 2/4/21

What day is it anyway? Are we doing that any more? Nope. 🤔 Well that’s me though. A day late and a dollar short. Ugh!

This week kicked my ass and it ain’t over yet. I’ve had an insane schedule. I’m exhausted.

But first the good news. In quite spur of the moment in a very hurry up and wait fashion, we got in for the Covid vaccine. We played the scheduler phone call lottery and won! We qualified under 1B since all four of us have chronic conditions. Even the kids. We’re a sickly lot. Bad genes 🧬

I’ve been busy as a bee 🐝 at work and to fit it all in, I worked very odd hours because this was an appointment laden week including the additional unplanned kick Covid to the curb party. And me with my quirks on timeliness would rather schedule one appointment a day over four days than to stack the four into one day and knock things out with one shot. (Pun intended).

Today is an actual day off though which is why I have time to blog. Previously scheduled and dammit I needed it. Though I’m multitasking and never really disconnected from the job. But that part is on me.

Right now I’m waiting for Lulu who is in a job interview. She’s back to applying for in person gigs and with one Rona shot under her belt, being outside our bubble isn’t as scary. The vaccine doesn’t remove the need to do all the masking and distancing anyway. And when we get shot two on March 1, it’ll be even better.

As always, more to come.

Shenanigans ~ 1/23/21

OMGee! I need a personal assistant to keep track of the nonsense. Fair warning, this post will not make sense and I’ve had way too much coffee today. I’m about to jump outta my skin.

It all began when I came in here to submit an online request for a price quote on an UTV for the place. I noticed over 400 emails as I have let things get outta control. I was able to delete the majority but an AT&T bill caught my eye. The bastards! They charged us for a protection plan that we did NOT order. They seem to sneak things in there. The bastards! Doh! I already said that. I called and cancelled the plan but then noticed we still did not have the credit for the $60 waiver of activation fees. I mean c’mon folks why charge existing customers an activation fee? We are active since the 80s when you were called Cingular!! Now there’s a blast from the past.

They are also charging us $600 each for two new phones that were sold to us for $300 each as a special run during the holidays. To complicate matters even more, one of the phones was only $150 with trade. But that’s how they get ya. Instead of $10 a month and $5 a month for 30 months, we’re charged $20 each for 30 months. Now I may not be the best at ciphering but 20 x 30 = $600 smackaroos. I think they bank on folks not checking their statements to notice such shenanigans. Ugh! So he tells me “not to worry Jill, in 3 cycles you will see the credits”. Screw that noise!! My new favorite saying borrowed from John :). Actually I may claim the saying and never give it back. Too much noise to be screwed around these parts!! ;).

Oh and I am not even close to being done yet.

The next email that caused me to flip my lid was from Aetna. We’ve been in need of “services”. All of us are off the charts I tell ya what!!

Lulu saw someone who required payment at time of service rendered and the email confirmed that they were also paid by Aetna. Since we used our health card, Aetna will take care of getting credit. But for my visit, I also paid at the time service was rendered. I didn’t use our health card because I only put so much money on it each pay day. I am on my own to get reimbursed. More shenanigans!!

And come to find out since both were tele-med visits, my fantastic employer extended $0 out of pocket which began with the Rona in March 2020 to this coming June at least. The sweet girl from Aetna, Miriam, told me the providers will need to resubmit with the code to get the tele-med deal. Well deal for us but not for them. At least I imagine.

The only one done right was B’s since his was an actual in office visit. No tele-med discount for him. Shockingly his payment was exactly correct. First time for everything since they are the ones that usually mess things up.

And don’t get me started on the RX shenanigans. CVS denying certain dosages. Fuck me, you bastards.

Now I’m done. I wore myself out. Yeah buddy.

As always, more to come.

Thoughtful Thursday ~ 12/31/20

New Years Eve!!! Yeah buddy. One of my favorite days of the year. And not just this year but for as long as I can remember. To me, New Years Eve is magical.

I may have mentioned this before but my parents were social creatures. Raising kids in the 60s, 70s, and even 80s was sort of fend for yourself. The “go outside to play and don’t come back until the street lights come on” mentality which really meant run the streets like wild filthy animals. Guess we were social creatures too.

Back to my parents. They went out every single weekend to some place or another. They belonged to so many organizations I lost count. Sometimes these events included bringing the kids along but more often than not, these were adult only gatherings. New Years Eve was always a dance at Martinez Hall. BYOB with set ups provided and a swing band like Adolph Hofner or another local band.

Dad would make black eyed peas from scratch no canned stuff like I get today. He’d fill thermos full and take these little paper cups so that each person (if they wanted) got a spoonful at midnight. My mom wasn’t much of a dancer. My dad on the other hand danced with all the ladies never leaving the dance floor.

While the cats were away, we mice played. By mice, I mean me and my brothers. We’d have snacks and what seemed like endless soda. We’d play board games and/or watch News Rockin Eve. We had fireworks! Always! And WITHOUT adult supervision.

I remember some bitterly cold New Years Eves shooting bottle rockets down the hill on Howerton about 1/2 a block. We never hit a car driving down Dollarhide thank goodness. But we sure could have. Except mostly the streets were deserted.

I also remember holding roman candles, arm straight out to my right side while I looked left, eyes closed. One star, two stars, three stars! Boom, boom, boom. All this despite the instructions which clearly say do not hold! Again fortunate that I never blew a finger off. Or worse! We were lucky.

One year, not sure when only that I was not of driving age, our neighbor Mr. Jerrold was three sheets to the wind. He had his own cache of firecrackers too. He called us to come outside to see the show. He had a pile of “black cats” in the middle of his driveway. And an acetylene torch! Which he fired up to light the pile. After all the popin subsided the grass continued to burn. Doh! My brother, Jimbo Pete ran over to help him hook up the hose and put the fire out. Wild and crazy times! His wife was mortified by his behavior and kept apologizing but us kids thought it was the best show ever!!! Yeah buddy.

Damn to be young again. Haha.

Yesterday as I filling out paperwork for nine months no interest on new tires, the clerk wished me a belated happy birthday. He then said something like “my back hurts, don’t ever get old”. I replied “considering the alternative, I’ll keep getting old”. Chronologically only. In my mind, I’m forever that tween who lived life to the fullest with all the zest she could muster. I think I lost her for a bit in 2020 but she’s back. Now to keep it that way.

Wishing you all the best in 2021. May the New Year be peaceful by hook or by crook, in every nook and cranny! Cheers to you and yours!!!

As always, more to come.

Thoughtful Thursday ~ 12/24/20

Our Christmas Eve will be spent socially distanced at the in-laws. We are walking over, down the lane that connects our two properties. Only six people. That number was almost going to be five as I threatened a boycott. Not for any other reason than my anxiety. I’m sure the Rona is going to get me.

Their house has an open floor plan. We’re sitting more than six feet apart. I’ll keep my mask on since one can never be too careful.

I’d say this gathering isn’t worth the extra precaution. That perhaps we should just skip. But we’re going for it since tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Which is sort of a conundrum in the context of COVID. People going for it without a care in the world kinda contributes to the problem. But we will follow all the rules and then add some of our own.

I already have my seat picked out. Back to the wall. In a corner by the backdoor. Hand sanitizer ever at the ready :).

Wishing folks a blessed day.

Thoughtful Thursday ~ 12/17/20

Howdy folks, Thoughtful Thursday might be a new weekly exercise for me. I’ll call this potential new topic a cousin to Ramblings and/or Reflections. I might even formalize and get a tag line going. Just spit balling ideas – so many thoughts so little time

Naw, that sucks. I’ll noodle it over and get back to you with something profound. lol

Back to basics with a definition:


1- absorbed in or involving thought;

2- showing consideration for the needs of other people;

3 – showing careful consideration or attention

Example: “brows drawn together in thoughtful consideration”

Similar words: pensive, thinking, reflective, contemplative, musing, meditative, introspective, prayerful, philosophical, cogitative, ruminative, absorbed, engrossed, rapt, preoccupied, deep/immersed/lost in thought, brooding, broody, serious, studious, solemn, dreamy, dreaming, wistful, melancholy, sad. ruminant, profound, deep, intelligent, sensitive, pithy, meaty, weighty

Well look at that would ya. And here I only associated thoughtful with kindness. But pensive is a stressed word. And so is brooding and/or brows knitted or drawn together. Not sure what this will turn into eventually but for now, placeholder space for drum roll please ………………….. MY THOUGHTS ❤

As always more to come.

Rambling ~ 12/10/20

I am not an expert, I just play one on TV. Oh how I wish I had paid more attention is school to become someone who could deal with our circumstance though I guess they don’t let you treat your own family for a reason anyway. Painful to watch but learning through the pain. Now understandable how things get so bad. Help is elusive. Time we are out of time. Effectively done. At our wits end with no place to turn. Countless others before us and after us in the same state. Not much else to say other than hold on … hold one for one more day.

As always, more to come.

Life’s Messy ~ 12/4/20

Does anyone remember the commercial for Bissel? Life’s messy, clean it up. I’ve been thinking about this slogan quite a bit lately. My friend FJ used to say that was our friend L’s motto towards life.

Pony is about the same age as their kids and despite having not seen them in over a decade, we spent copious amount of time together during what would have been their formative years. Poor Lulu did not have a similar cohort and that makes me sad but that is a story for another day.

Whenever we got together for play dates, the kids wanted to be at L’s. She’d let them do just about anything. Why? Well because doing just about anything was fun. Five kids playing their hearts out created a mess. After all the shenanigans were all done, then you cleaned stuff up. But you didn’t stop playing because you might create a mess.

There is something philosophical in all this rambling I promise.

FJ and I were the opposite. I can’t claim to be a neat freak since I’m not but I do like things nice. If I spent an inordinate amount of time deep cleaning to get ready for a play date, I wanted the house to stay that way for a while. I’d come behind with a rag or broom. Never living in the moment. Trying my best to hold it all together. FJ was the same way to a point that she stopped cleaning completely. Why bother when things would get bad again anyway?

Out of all of us, who was the happiest? Why L of course. Let them make a mess, let them have fun, let go and live a little. When it’s all said and done put things back in their rightful place. This is akin to using the good towels. I spent way too much of my life saving things for a “special” day instead of making every day special even in the mundane. And the guilt is overwhelming some days.

Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve … the bane of my existence. You’d think I learned from my past therapy. And mostly I did but I still slip back now and again. Today is one of those “again” days. Where I can’t turn off my brain or stop blaming myself.

The controller in me wants to go behind with a rag and a broom. Ever at the ready to stop the catastrophe that is about to occur. Worrying about ‘what if’ instead of letting go. Whatever happens, happens. I mean I have cleaned up messes before right? Some pretty horrific ones too. I am telling myself I can do this as I watch, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

As always, more to come.

Darn You WP & Entertainment Ramble ~ 11/26/20

WP won’t allow me to be mobile. iPhone or iPad. Looks like it doesn’t recognize me being logged in. I can only read posts. No liking or commenting. Ugh. I’ll move to my desktop eventually after I run through all my goodies on DVR. The addiction is real y’all. Roll call for …

  • This is Us
  • A Million Little Things
  • Filthy Rich 🤑
  • The Good Doctor 👩‍⚕️ 👨‍⚕️
  • Next 👾
  • Station 19
  • Grey’s Anatomy
  • Dancing with the Stars ✨
  • Amazing Race
  • The Voice
  • The Bachelorette
  • The Masked Singer
  • All the Datelines, 48 Hours, 20/20, 60 Minutes
  • All the sitcoms we watch live – Young Sheldon, Mom, B Positive, The Connors, American Housewife, Goldberg’s
  • Penn and Teller
  • Whose Line is it Anyway
  • All the game shows: I Can See Your Voice, Weakest Link, Millionaire, Card Sharks, Press Your Luck, Match Game, Price is Right, Let’s Make a Deal 🤝

Whew 😅 thank goodness for Prime Time Anytime auto record from 7 pm to 10 pm week days. Without that there just aren’t enough hours in the day. When I finally sit down to watch, I skip commercials and otherwise fast forward to see just what I want. Mask Singer for example, I just watch the unveiling. For Amazing Race, I watch with a pause or two to see some of the challenges but otherwise I fast forward to elimination. Anyway you slice or dice 🎲 I’ve got a problem. My way to deal with self imposed quarantine in a pandemic 😷 is to watch TV!!!!!!!!!

Blogging is also my constant companion. And work! All with a back drop of music 🎶 and reading 📖 though truth be told my attention span doesn’t allow for much reading just for pleasure these days. At least I’m back to reading some though even if not at the same velocity. Oh well. I’m not complaining. Instead I’m grateful and my heart ♥️ is full.

Happy Thanksgiving folks!

As always more to come.

General Brambly Stuff 10/22/20

I need to check my motives. Yeah buddy. I’ve been playing the passive aggressive game instead of just walking away. But dang if I was going to be run off by a control freak. This town is only big enough for one head honcho and that’s moi. Ya see? Scram. Get outta here…

I told you this was brambly. Now I’ve got to go. Our virtual conference took away from the work week and I am off tomorrow. Putting in the time now. See ya on the flip side. Ten/4 good buddy.

As always more to come.