I love that little ram. Puts a smile on my face every time I see him. Despite my ramblings sometimes taking a dark turn, silver linings are everywhere. I’ve come to believe life has no absolutes. Instead we get multiple shades of gray interspersed with beautiful colors. We get half truths, what ifs, no control. You get the drift.
To deal with effing COVID, I took to pen and paper writing in a journal again. Like I’m back in junior high/high school. Before Internet was a thing. I always kept a place for my secrets. With the advent of Facebook for me anyway, then this blog, then Twitter and Insta, my secrets are no longer my own. I have released those devilish hounds on many an occasion. Times like today I think I am all better now. But who am I kidding? Better like perfection is overrated somehow.
I don’t like secrets. Nothing good can come from them. A debate maybe for another day but that’s my story and I am sticking to it. For that reason, I’m pulling two 1/2 pages from my longhand writing:
Behind the blinking cursor, I read I know it’s late but …
Those damn ellipsis – three dots of omission that do anything but …
The instant message (IM) came through after six on Friday while I tried like hell to feverishly complete at least one mandatory training video. I’m so behind …
Can I call you about the email you just sent?
Me: Sure 🙂
Yes I did add the smiley all the while thinking FUCK!!!!! Why didn’t I log out earlier?
The conversation lasted about 15 minutes.
First came the I’m sorry and the here’s why …
Then she said “all excuses aside”
While I was clarifying the email by providing additional instruction, Lulu Belle came up and simply hugged me. No words. A warm gentle embrace with an intensity. She held on tight as I caved. So done …
Yet I was uplifted as well.
Lulu couldn’t hear the person at the end of the line but instinctively she knew …
Her own wounds gave her that skill. Which saddens me and makes me proud.
After hanging up …
Lulu: I hope you don’t mind; I felt compelled to hug you. You sounded like you needed it!
Me: I DID!!!!!!!!
Tears still glistening in my eyes
Lulu: So did that person mess up?
Me: Well let’s just say she needed help … Did I sound mad?
Lulu: You sounded kind … helpful. Nicer than me.
Then she shared her stress of the last group project for her capstone. Things have gone a bit sideways with people not showing up. She feels bad that she’s upset. She said “Mom I’m lucky. You and dad gave me everything! Thank you for that”.
Now we are both a puddle of happy tears over here.
I stopped writing because I felt better.
Now I get to feel better all over again.
Wishing your worlds provide a safe place to land.
As always, more to come ❤