Tuesday Extra ~ 8/23/22

Ockham’s razor (also spelled Occam’s razor, pronounced AHK-uhmz RAY-zuhr) is the idea that, in trying to understand something, getting unnecessary information out of the way is the fastest way to the truth or to the best explanation.

I thought Occam’s razor meant the simplest of all competing hypotheses was true. Maybe the above definition means the same. Cut the fluff. I’m over here today making stuff up! The opposite of fluff cutting. Oh behave. I need to stop this nonsense. In the immortal words of Styx, I’ve got too much time on my hands.

Last day of my short vacation that I’d previously decided to waste in bed. This rainy day is the best for that kind of thing. But in between all this lounging, I overthink. Ugh 😑

Maybe I can channel this angst into my next short story. I got the dreaded rejection from my last submission but one of the panel members said if I had more poetry samples to send them! Of course now I’m blocked. I couldn’t write another haiku right now if my life depended on it. Oh well pretty sure there’s some trash TV calling my name.

As always more to come.

Friday Filler ~ 8/12/22

I still haven’t settled on a feature so I’m using filler instead. I didn’t finish another book but if I get going, I could bring back Book Club. I really enjoy reading but lately I have the attention span of a gnat. Guess I’ll release the hounds. My worries in no particular order …

  • Losing my job. There were layoffs this week. Our area is already lean whatever that means but seeing your brethren get the ax is a mind fuck. Sorry 😢 it just is 🥹.
  • If I lose my job, I lose my health insurance & those mofos just approved me for six more sessions. I can’t afford physical therapy without insurance. I’m not better yet anyway. I need to find out what ails me.
  • My mother in law was sent home from rehab before she was ready. She was barely mobile & in one week, she has fallen three times. B rushes over to lift her back up but he can’t stop his life waiting for her to fall again so he can go rush to her aid. The social worker was supposed to arrange in home care prior to releasing her but that wasn’t done. Their housekeeper who worked part time in a nursing home is helping but she’s not equipped for this. They’re living in hell over there.
  • PoPo wants to change his will. WTF 😳 to leave everything to B without exception. That means cutting out his only brother’s kids. They should get their dad’s 1/2 imo. Not sure where this desire to change is coming from.

There’s more too but that’s enough for now. Except to thank those in my alt Twitter cohort. We are strong as steel. Able to face the storm ⛈ . To end positively, we got another thunderstorm yesterday. Still at a deficit 💸 but every drop helps 💕

As always more to come.

Friday Feelings ~ 7/15/22

A firestorm of Friday feelings ready for a word vomit 🤢 in no particular order. Bittersweet first. Today is Grandma Tutu’s heavenly birthday 🥳 She was the glue that held the family together. We miss her deeply.

Next B’s mom was moved from the hospital to rehab for post stroke physical therapy. You’d think 🤔 that’s an upgrade but it’s not. Last time, she had PoPo help her leave rehab AMA = against medical advice. The difference this time is she’s not mentally competent enough to resist. He’s so worried though 😟 and keeps saying they need to bring her home 🏡. That would be a disaster.

Last for today, my coworker learned he has liver cancer. Liver was the Wordle answer yesterday. So weird. Means nothing but I’m superstitious so I mention it. Anyway this guy is already showing signs of greatness. The kind of person who despite his illness is more concerned about helping others. Reminds me of my brother in law, who upon learning he had incurable pancreatic cancer, asked people to pay it forward in his name.

My coworker’s PSA was about being your own health care advocate in search of answers. He was searching for months and now it’s too late. Incurable. Had they figured some things out earlier, prognosis would be better. My Mamaw died of liver cancer. Diagnosed in July 1987, dead by October 1987. Hoping treatment has improved to make his time left comfortable ❤️‍🩹 And of course I worry. I’m still looking for answers to cure for what ails me. Not that I think I have liver cancer just that I don’t want to be in that same position of finally finding something when it’s too late.

Sad way to end this work week. I’ll be looking for ways to do good. To do what I can, to make things better.

As always more to come.

Nervous Nelly ~ 7/9/22

I used to fancy myself as a intuitive person, dare I say someone who had ESP. I have examples of times where I predicted things before they happened. Of course mostly it was luck. Or maybe a bit of educated guessing.

These predictions would always start with the butterflies. That unsettling feeling. That tingle that won’t quit. And I have that today. Right at this moment. Which is why I come here to release the anxiety.

My nerves are like spurs that jingle jangle jingle. If that makes any sense? I have the feeling of foreboding doom. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

B’s mom has been in the hospital for a week. Sadly she rolled out of bed, hit her head on the nightstand, had to be put back into bed, but knowing that something wasn’t quite right, EMS was summoned. At first they wanted B to follow the ambulance because they were sure she would not be admitted. Taking her was just a precaution (or to avoid malpractice). However after a day and a half in the ER, waiting for a bed to open up, she was finally admitted.

At first it was a bit like the Keystone cops. Everyone was running into each other. Figuratively not literally. I think there were four or five different telephone numbers given out because of the room situation. And while she had her cell phone, it was likely out of battery and even if the was charged she has to this day no clue how to use it.

Can you imagine being in the hospital alone, not really understanding anything, with your husband and son frantically trying to get a hold of you? They couldn’t even get a status. Until yesterday that is. Diagnosis: She has been having mini strokes for quite some time. The fall gave her a concussion. She has a very large bruise from where she fell as well to the point where she’s insisting she broke her arm when she didn’t. She is in and out of lucidity. The dementia has been coming on for quite some time. Some of her prior episodes were thought to be reactions to medicine. But now the doctors think it was the strokes all along. Her MRI is showing the evidence.

On Thursday, she turned 79. Too young for this stuff to already be happening. But life choices, had other ideas. Sadly and quite honestly the dirty laundry is that even 20 years ago little Lulu remembers her Grandma drinking her bubbly at 9 o’clock in the morning. And continuing throughout the days upon days upon days. Maybe that’s something I should’ve kept quiet about it. Nope, this calls for honesty, it is what it is, and maybe her story can be a PSA to others. In hindsight, I have to wonder, if we had said something sooner, would she have tried to stop? Not that it matters really because we can’t re-create the past. Time to move forward.

B & Pony are at the place in Rocksprings today. They almost stayed home because you know his mom/grandma is in the hospital. But B decided to go since there isn’t anything he can do but wait. He might as well work/keep busy. And I sit here nervous, worried to pieces that we will get the call while he is gone.

Alrighty folks. Let me let you go. I’m gonna walk this off. I have found that movement can be a cure to what ails you

As always, more to come

Friday 🐏 💍 ~ 7/1/22

Stranger Things dropped today! Ooh 😮 can’t wait! But alas I must be patient because life is happening. We’re planning to binge watch on Sunday and Monday though.

I’m powering through. Overthinking as usual. In a tremendous amount of physical pain. I’m wondering 💭 if the mental is once again causing the gut twist. My referral was delayed until 7/12. Ugh 😩. But all isn’t lost 😞. My friend GG helped me without even realizing. How? He shared a story about identical twins.

Paraphrasing, these boys were raised by an abusive father. Horrifying man. Sparing the gory details but overall very extreme.

When they grew up, one twin became a carbon copy of dear ole padre. The other twin became the polar opposite. They were interviewed and asked what’s your strongest influence in becoming who you are today? Can you guess their responses? Same! Daddy dearest.

So you see, we do have some sense of control. How we react to certain situations makes us or breaks us. I’m not only a product of my nature. Nurture has a place.

Maybe 🤔 like anything else, absolutes are rarely true. Not always or never 👎 Instead it depends. Mind blowing huh?

Okay 👌🏽. I’m trying to make myself feel better ❤️‍🩹. Surprisingly I feel strong 💪🏻. First time for everything.

Alright folks, that’s all she wrote.

As always more to come.

Ram 🐏 bling 💍 ~ 6/25/22

My sleuth

Lulu and I had a really nice walk this morning. Instead of river level, we walked street level. I reminisced about the years I worked downtown. Surprisingly I remembered all the shortcuts. We made good time and hit 5 miles @ 8:30 🕣.

Afterwards we made a quick stop at Target 🎯 so Lulu could grab a few things for her upcoming coast trip. As I walked more laps because I’m competitive with myself that way, I saw a journal 📓 and wouldn’t you know it, the cover says “Grin and Bear 🐻 It”. Hey that’s my theme which means despite not needing a journal, I bought this one anyway. I’m going to use it to aggregate some things, keeping to a single related topic.

I’m like a kid in a candy 🍬 store 🏬 who needs a nap 😴 😂. I’m sleeping somewhat better. Thankfully 😅. But getting up at the b’crack of dawn has its after effects.

Wishing you a sensational Saturday.

As always more to come.

Friday 🐏 blings ~ 6/17/22

Coming at ya live from my iPhone. Notice the sweet lil ram 🐏 emoji is back. I’m off the charts folks. So much has happened I’m over stimulated. I feel like I might burst 💥. I’m a writing ✍️ fool. Alias Twitter is my friend. People who understand like only those of us in a certain club can understand has been therapeutic to say the least. I hop off Twitter to FB to WP to emails, texts but I have a day job I must work too. All this activity would be fine if I wasn’t such an over analyzer, things might be manageable. But nope, analysis paralysis drags the whole thing out. Somebody stop ✋ me said in my Jim Carrey from The Mask voice over voice. I wish I’d kept that meme but I deleted it to make room. Oh well.

I’m going to reveal soon. I’m not worried 😟 about getting in trouble 👿 any longer because I was making stuff up ⬆️. In the absence of evidence, that’s what we humans do. We fill in blanks. I’m relieved 🥲 to know I was 1/2 right with my suspicions or educated guesses. And the parts about my situation that was spinning 😵‍💫 me up and pissing me off wasn’t too bad in hindsight. Still I’m proceeding with caution ⛔️I’m going to slow down and be methodical. Shocker I know. Guess that “Goes to show you never 👎 can tell.”

Now for a musical 🎶 interlude.

As always more to come.

Friday Ramble ~ 6/10/22

I’m writing this post in advance for two reasons. First because Lulu and I are going to Immersive Van Gogh today, Friday 6/10/22 and I won’t have time to write. Second because I have to post something everyday to keep my streak alive. Haha! Still a carrot and stick kinda gal.

My appointment hasn’t happened yet and I’m still shaking in my shoes. Ugh! To calm my nerves, I ate a peanut butter sandwich. The appointment is telemed with no labs so no need to fast. As I was spreading the peanut butter, I made crumbs everywhere. I was reminded of summers past when as kids we were yo-yo (your on your own) for lunch. There is comfort in tradition. I was tempted to leave the crumbs for mom to come behind & scold me for leaving a mess. Only now it’d be Lulu scolding me. She’s the neat-nik. She was only 5 weeks old when my mom died. I think they would have gotten along just fine.

I’m thinking a lot lately about family and what makes a family and what we call each other and whether nurture holds sway over nature or vice versa. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Hey, that is a misplaced causality dilemma if I ever saw one.

I’m feeling ALL the feels y’all. Have been since Sunday 6/5/22 at 4:11 CST to be exact. But in this moment, Thursday 6/9/22, I’ve gotta get ready to see my doctor. Until next time.

As always, more to come.

Friday Feature ~ 5/20/22

This evening we’re scheduled to get our 4th booster. Not sure about it but figured wtf. We’re over 50. Not sure what else we need to consider. Chop chop!!

Hoping for no whammies. I had minor reactions to 1 and 3 with #2 knocking me for a loop. I’ve delayed as long as I could. Of course no one is holding a gun to my head. I could still say ‘no’. If it were up to B, we would’ve been in line on the day #4 became available. He kept pestering me to make the appointment so I finally did.

Yesterday sort of sucked for reasons that don’t impact me directly but are troubling all the same. Another sudden death of a coworker. Then my mother in law is back in the hospital. She and my father in law are tag teaming their time there.

B was supposed to take her to a routine follow up with her kidney doctor then swing by the bank for administrative reasons. Instead the appointment turned into she needs to be admitted. Like Yesterday! Another reaction to medicine or dehydration or both.

We all know why she’s dehydrated. She only drinks her “bubbly”. A hard case. Sad but true. And why am I airing our dirty laundry to the world? The silence howled. Yep, my one liner from May 18.

Keeping these churning thoughts inside is giving me an ulcer or worse. And this little bit is only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve already filled three pages in my new spiral. CBT is helping.

May is mental health month. Truth be told we need mental health as everyday all day living. Focus 🧘‍♀️ ohm ohm ohm. We’re all unique and whatever works for you do it!

Alrighty. Lemme let ya go. Going to turn this frown upside down.

As always more to come.

Friday Feature ~ 5/13/22

Time is doing it’s slippery wiggle again. Yay! I’m still working from home. My in-laws are still on death’s 💀 door. Sorry to be blunt but it’s true. Yet maybe we’re all on death’s 💀 door. We’re all just a second from pow 💥.

My former coworker’s mom and her aunt were killed in a car wreck going to a funeral. They woke up that morning like usual and went to grieve their family member never to return. Neither was in poor health. Completely unexpected. Such a tragedy.

You think 🤔 this knowledge would snap 🫰 me into shape. Make me realize how precious life is and oh it is! I haven’t forgotten that. I’m just out of sorts.

Thank goodness I have therapy today. Getting more tools ⚒️ in my emotional 🥹 health toolbox 🧰. With May being mental health month, having the discussion is apropos.

Even our chief told us yesterday that he was going to visit his mom for the first time in years. She’s out of state in assisted living with mental health issues. Yep. He said that. Right up there on the big stage being broadcast to the masses. End the stigma. It’s about time.

Alrighty. Lemme let ya go 🙃. As always more to come.