Almost Heaven ~ 5/7/23

I feel a novela coming on & lately those ramblings have gone on the blog. Today I’m staying local by way of WP. The ban was lifted so I will share to FB after all the silliness is complete. This post might even float over to Instagram if I did this right.

Today we got plates to go from the church picnic/annual fundraiser. We had a banner day, “smoke up Johnny!” Nod to my Breakfast Club roots. Some may not get that line and explaining it would take too long so moving on.

These would be the same folks who ask me why I named my lizard(s) Jim Morrison. Because I’m a weirdo who owns my strangeness. Jim was the Lizard King doncha know. I wanna break on through to the other side.

So many thoughts are popping like popcorn kernels in hot oil, the old school way, in a skillet with a lid. I really don’t know where to being. I’ve been bursting out in spontaneous song all day long. In particular, John Denver’s Take Me Home, Country Roads. Right there in the middle of the Auto Zone. Just know, I’m the most right when I’m the most wrong.

Pony “Is that song about Pennsylvania?”

Me “No, it’s about Colorado, Rocky Mountains”

Pony as he is looking it up on his phone “Naw pretty sure it’s about Pennsylvania”

Me “John DENVER man, definitely Colorado”

Pony singing to me in the middle of Auto Zone “Almost heaven, West Virginia”

Doh! The place is in the first line of the song. He sang to me & he has a good voice. That’s my momma’s side coming out. I have at least two cousins, maybe three who are also musically inclined. Pony told Lulu, one day you too will sing spontaneously, like me & mom.

I haven’t laughed this much in a very long time. The brain trust was cooking all day today. I learned zoomer slang. “Let her cook” and “No cap”. Google it. LOL.

As always, more to come.

I’ve Been Bamboozled ~ 4/5/23

Nobody told me I was walking around with my skirt tucked into my pantyhose flashing the world with some big ole white granny panties. LOL!

C’mon now y’all that’s funny. Can you picture the scene? It was 1980 something. Women had to wear skirts to work.

Well we didn’t really have to wear dresses or skirts anymore that was in the 70s. When I started in 1983, pants were approved though still not that popular. And one day, as luck would have it, something similar happened to moi. Flash, ah ah, king of the universe.

Why do I have to make everything about a song?

Self preservation my dears, self preservation!

Okay, the rant. For more years than I care to count, I disputed our property evaluation because I thought I was doing something to reduce our taxes & keep money in our pockets. At first I was schlepping to the appraisal district, then eventually via online portal. Protests became a game & I was good at it. I always won! The rat bastards.

So, ….. guess what folks? The market value being lowered year after freaking year did NOTHING to reduce the taxes. All that work, gathering evidence, taking pictures showing reasons to reduce the value, etc… was all for NAUGHT. Thanks Veltman for setting me straight. I give up!

There’s a law that says the appraisal must be based on market value but the assessed value may not be increased by more than 10%. One day when the two values meet all havoc will break loose. But & it’s a big BUTT, they will never meet because the market value is determined by whim & tom-freaking-foolery. There is no way we could sell our house for as much as the appraisal district says we can. The assessed amount is the basis for the taxes. Well duh you say. Of course you all knew. I did too but I never fully connected the dots.

Sure enough I did the calculations back as far as the tax roll showed with 10% increase year over year confirmed. Market value was not a factor. I’m relieved Veltman didn’t charge me $325 to get the market value down but instead explained how doing that made no difference. I’m also relieved that I can quit protesting. I’ve got more than enough things to stress about.

As always, more to come.

News 📰 of the Day ~ 3/27/23

How obnoxious would it be making News of the Day a daily post? Not real news mind you. I imagine, quick tiny anecdotes likes the one that follows:

Microsoft Word has a new improved spell check called Editor. This tool removes the 2nd space after a period. The actual feature is called “punctuation conventions”. I can almost see Sr. Margaret in typing class marking off for one space. At this point, double space is a habit. But I let the Editor ✍️ take over. This is freeing 😄

J-Dub

As always more to come.

Friday Free For All ~ 1/27/23

Sticking to my two-a-day workouts for January mind bending experiences, I’m rambling nonsense. Where are my bee pictures? I’m saving WP real estate & my media is 80% full. Guess the bee pictures will have to stay in FB land.

I worked for a boss once upon a time who had a peach orchard as a side gig. He knew first hand the importance of bees. When people would say You catch more flies with honey, he’d respond Nope! you catch more BEES.

The Texas Department of Health & Human Services are bees in my opinion. Stinging lil bastards. I could tell you all my trials and tribulations but it takes too long. Short story, today’s follow up to obtain personal records to which I am entitled ended up with me being hung up on twice & then an escalated complaint to the Ombudsman’s Office. OO bite me!

The last time we had this situation, B helped me. Pretty sure I wrote about it too but I cannot find the post. Today I told him, you need to leave this room. LOL

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I may need to take a road trip to m*therf**cking Austin. How much you wanna bet that the people who are responsible to answer my inquiry work in a call center in Cleveland? C’mon, let’s make a pool. What are the odds that little Jilly would drive all the way to Austin for nada? Except to be arrested for trespassing on government property. Guess I should get an attorney on speed dial.

Seriously, I won’t do anything of the sort. I’m a little yappy dog who just yaps away. The mo-fos.

And with that happy FriYay!

As always, more to come.

Friday Free For All ~ 12/23/22

Lulu & I made an early morning run for specialty doughnuts from Voodoo Doughnut who just opened a new store in downtown SA. People have taken bets that the store will close in less than a year. Not because of the product mind you which appears to be a booming business amid all the other pastry palaces. The reason is every prior business on that corner has gone the way of the dino. Location, location, location …

The paid & general lack of parking will keep locals away but maybe the out of town crowd foot traffic will sustain them. Our method was to order online, go early on a holiday week, me act like a taxi on the N Presa side street, flashers on while Lulu did a mad dash. We were there @ 30 minutes ahead of our order but they don’t package until 20 minutes til for optimum freshness. They had to do some computer stuff to move the order ahead but all in all, we made good time. Then we took the long way home to see the beautiful holiday lights along the Riverwalk.

Speaking of holidays, they suck. Well not for everyone but for enough of us. I read something online suggesting to wish people a gentle holiday instead of happy or joyful one. Too much pressure & toxic positivity aka denial that these days may not be happy at all. What better way to commemorate the reason for the season than through gentleness & grace. My skip level boss replied that my wish to him for a gentle holiday had to be the nicest thing anyone ever said to him. Awww and that response made my day!

I was tearing about on my b-day about the light metaphorical fuses to blow things up. I stopped myself thank goodness. “Fuck ’em” I say instead. They are not going to ruin my peace. The mofo’s don’t even realize they’re being awful anyway. And if they do realize & are purposefully being bad humans, well then I don’t want a relationship with them anyway. Alrighty, I have to get to work. Tschüss until tomorrow.

As always, more to come.

Friday Free For All ~ 12/2/22

Ugh 😩. Yesterday’s second opinion or make that 99th opinion went horribly. I’ve skipped what led to this part not wanting to whine. No pain relief 😮‍💨 No closer to an answer. The stress is killing me before whatever this is will. Not a soul in the office besides staff & me yet I waited an hour! Only to be given a tut tut, you need to take medicine. And not just any medicine but a highly addictive opioid.

Doc tells me they know so my much now. That this dose is the smallest. It’s safer than OTC anti inflammatory because it won’t hurt my kidneys. In addition to the opioid, I’m prescribed muscle relaxers. For what? Can anyone tell me that? Nope they can’t. I’m so defeated 😔.

Icing on the cake, my car, which I just got out of the shop, smells like something is burning. That can’t be good. Back to the shop it goes. Ugh 😩

Peace Out. Until next time.

As always more to come.

Friday Frolic & the Unexpected Driver ~ 11/18/22

Ashanti was my unexpected driver this morning. I planned to wait for my car but apparently Cavender won’t conduct diagnostics for someone waiting. They are so backed up that they’re only doing diagnostics drop off with 2-3 day turnaround times. Thank goodness I’m on vacation. The convo went something like this …

• Me: When I made the appointment, there was no message about this, I planned to wait. I have no way to get home.
• Cavender Employee: Ya our online system isn’t the best. That was supposed to be fixed by now. We’ll just get you an Uber.
• Me: Good luck with that, I’ve tried. We live out in the boonies.
• Cavender Employee (as she is ordering an Uber on her phone): Let’s try. Oh look he’ll be here in less than 5 minutes.
• Me (surprised): Then I Uber back? And who pays for that?
• Cavender Employee: We do.

New convo started in less than 5 minutes as promised …

• Me: Can I ride in front, I get car sick.
• Ashanti: Whatever makes you comfortable.
• Me: You know where we’re going right? Am I in your service area?
• Ashanti: This is what I do, drive.
• Me: Uber wouldn’t come out to where I live before so just making sure.
• Ashanti: What? they cancelled on you?
• Me: Yep
• Ashanti: Naw, that ain’t right. Get in, we’re going.

Fellow San Antonians know how far a drive it is from 1604 & 281 to China Grove and in rush hour no less. With an accident on 35 North to slow us down. Still this ride was fun, maybe the highlight of my day.

We talked the entire time. He’s originally from Atlanta, lives in Houston but is in San Antonio for his show tomorrow night. Plus he used to live here, still has family here & Thanksgiving is next week so he is staying over. College graduate, who does taxes for his main gig & wants to open his office next year. But basically a jack of all trades, trying to break into the music business too. I told him how I was supposed to be in Chicago today but plans changed. Maybe in April or May.

Our conversation was all over the place … ice skating, roller skating, taking chances, baseball, basketball, school uniforms, metal detectors, & clear backpacks. Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, or the Sopranos? Things to do if I ever get to Atlanta. Very interesting & entertaining. I love this kid, his generation is our future. So bright, let me grab my shades.

Alrighty, carry on with your bad selves. I’m forced into relaxation since my wheels have been taken away. Wishing all who happen to stumble upon this post a fantastic Friday!

As always, more to come.

Something is Wonky, Probably User in Seat (UIS) Error ~ 10/18/22

I swear I posted my apple haiku yesterday. I even got comments. Then just now I see my apple haiku in drafts with a note ‘local changes’. I published again & now today’s date shows instead of 10/17/22. Guess this is what happens when I jump around between multiple devices. I’m trying to stay exclusive to my phone but see how well that worked out for me. Now I have republished & duplicated multiple drafts with the same ‘local changes’ message. Probably time to clean out the draft bin anyway.

Oh and on a side note, lil Jilly is getting invisalign. Supposedly this will help with my headaches. I’m willing to try anything at this point. As I hemmed and hawed, “I’m too old” … the ortho asked “Are your parents alive?” Nope … oh wait … Maybe? I’m a dork. I know I am. Then he asks “how much longer do you plan to live?” Forever sir!! Lil Jilly plans to live forever!! His point was that I have another 30 years left & that I wasn’t too old for “braces” after all this time. It’s always something said in my Roseanne Roseannadanna voice over voice. I’m falling apart, literally. Pain management assessment is tomorrow. This maintenance stuff is never-ending. Oy vey!

As always, more to come.

Tuesday Extra ~ 8/23/22

Ockham’s razor (also spelled Occam’s razor, pronounced AHK-uhmz RAY-zuhr) is the idea that, in trying to understand something, getting unnecessary information out of the way is the fastest way to the truth or to the best explanation.

I thought Occam’s razor meant the simplest of all competing hypotheses was true. Maybe the above definition means the same. Cut the fluff. I’m over here today making stuff up! The opposite of fluff cutting. Oh behave. I need to stop this nonsense. In the immortal words of Styx, I’ve got too much time on my hands.

Last day of my short vacation that I’d previously decided to waste in bed. This rainy day is the best for that kind of thing. But in between all this lounging, I overthink. Ugh 😑

Maybe I can channel this angst into my next short story. I got the dreaded rejection from my last submission but one of the panel members said if I had more poetry samples to send them! Of course now I’m blocked. I couldn’t write another haiku right now if my life depended on it. Oh well pretty sure there’s some trash TV calling my name.

As always more to come.

Friday Filler ~ 8/12/22

I still haven’t settled on a feature so I’m using filler instead. I didn’t finish another book but if I get going, I could bring back Book Club. I really enjoy reading but lately I have the attention span of a gnat. Guess I’ll release the hounds. My worries in no particular order …

• Losing my job. There were layoffs this week. Our area is already lean whatever that means but seeing your brethren get the ax is a mind fuck. Sorry 😢 it just is 🥹.
• If I lose my job, I lose my health insurance & those mofos just approved me for six more sessions. I can’t afford physical therapy without insurance. I’m not better yet anyway. I need to find out what ails me.
• My mother in law was sent home from rehab before she was ready. She was barely mobile & in one week, she has fallen three times. B rushes over to lift her back up but he can’t stop his life waiting for her to fall again so he can go rush to her aid. The social worker was supposed to arrange in home care prior to releasing her but that wasn’t done. Their housekeeper who worked part time in a nursing home is helping but she’s not equipped for this. They’re living in hell over there.
• PoPo wants to change his will. WTF 😳 to leave everything to B without exception. That means cutting out his only brother’s kids. They should get their dad’s 1/2 imo. Not sure where this desire to change is coming from.

There’s more too but that’s enough for now. Except to thank those in my alt Twitter cohort. We are strong as steel. Able to face the storm ⛈ . To end positively, we got another thunderstorm yesterday. Still at a deficit 💸 but every drop helps 💕

As always more to come.