Share Your World Part Two Without the Questions ~ 9/13/22

I forget what categories I used for my medical ranting. I’m putting this post under Share Your World & What Fresh Hell is This? I’m exaggerating though, the hell is stale, groundhog day variety hell. Not even remotely fresh but still pure D fuckery all the same. MoMo is back in the hospital. I have no idea what number of admissions she is on now. She can’t keep on this way though. Something’s gotta give.

She falls or slips or something. B, who is not a nurse, rushes over to pick her up. Big, strong guy, who can always lift her. But, he could hurt her too. Sometimes, you aren’t supposed to move people who have fallen. And it’s not that he doesn’t want to help her. He’s just not trained for providing the right kind of care. Jesus he’s been running over there in the middle of the night for going on two years. Not every night but enough times to know something must be done.

The EMT from this recent episode was an asshole. Sorry to be blunt. Not saying all EMTs are assholes but this guy talked to our PoPo like he was an idiot. Our PoPo is the most gentle, kind human being you’d ever meet. When God was passing out goodness, he gave PoPo a lion’s share. Why’d you even call me? EMT says. Her knee injury is obviously weeks old. What’s so urgent here? Well another MRI showed another stroke. That’s what’s so urgent asshole!

No status update beyond she’s admitted. For how long, no one knows. Sadly, her in the hospital is better for everyone. She is safe. At home, everyday/everynight was a gamble.

And now we wait.

As always, more to come.

Nervous Nelly ~ 7/9/22

I used to fancy myself as a intuitive person, dare I say someone who had ESP. I have examples of times where I predicted things before they happened. Of course mostly it was luck. Or maybe a bit of educated guessing.

These predictions would always start with the butterflies. That unsettling feeling. That tingle that won’t quit. And I have that today. Right at this moment. Which is why I come here to release the anxiety.

My nerves are like spurs that jingle jangle jingle. If that makes any sense? I have the feeling of foreboding doom. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

B’s mom has been in the hospital for a week. Sadly she rolled out of bed, hit her head on the nightstand, had to be put back into bed, but knowing that something wasn’t quite right, EMS was summoned. At first they wanted B to follow the ambulance because they were sure she would not be admitted. Taking her was just a precaution (or to avoid malpractice). However after a day and a half in the ER, waiting for a bed to open up, she was finally admitted.

At first it was a bit like the Keystone cops. Everyone was running into each other. Figuratively not literally. I think there were four or five different telephone numbers given out because of the room situation. And while she had her cell phone, it was likely out of battery and even if the was charged she has to this day no clue how to use it.

Can you imagine being in the hospital alone, not really understanding anything, with your husband and son frantically trying to get a hold of you? They couldn’t even get a status. Until yesterday that is. Diagnosis: She has been having mini strokes for quite some time. The fall gave her a concussion. She has a very large bruise from where she fell as well to the point where she’s insisting she broke her arm when she didn’t. She is in and out of lucidity. The dementia has been coming on for quite some time. Some of her prior episodes were thought to be reactions to medicine. But now the doctors think it was the strokes all along. Her MRI is showing the evidence.

On Thursday, she turned 79. Too young for this stuff to already be happening. But life choices, had other ideas. Sadly and quite honestly the dirty laundry is that even 20 years ago little Lulu remembers her Grandma drinking her bubbly at 9 o’clock in the morning. And continuing throughout the days upon days upon days. Maybe that’s something I should’ve kept quiet about it. Nope, this calls for honesty, it is what it is, and maybe her story can be a PSA to others. In hindsight, I have to wonder, if we had said something sooner, would she have tried to stop? Not that it matters really because we can’t re-create the past. Time to move forward.

B & Pony are at the place in Rocksprings today. They almost stayed home because you know his mom/grandma is in the hospital. But B decided to go since there isn’t anything he can do but wait. He might as well work/keep busy. And I sit here nervous, worried to pieces that we will get the call while he is gone.

Alrighty folks. Let me let you go. I’m gonna walk this off. I have found that movement can be a cure to what ails you

As always, more to come

Get Real Series: Not to be a Brat but … 5/23/22

***** trigger ⚠️ warning ⛔️ *****

May is mental health awareness month. Accordingly my company is posting one message a day on its Intranet. I admire that they are trying to do something. Truly I do. And not to be a brat but…

In today’s story of gentlemen wrote of his daughter mental health diagnosis. I will not elaborate and/or minimize her struggles. My initial thought was we need more of this, people willing to speak up. As I started to reply my comments twisted and took a different theme. A not so nice one. A bit of ire underneath what would’ve been well wishes. Not for the gentleman and his daughter but for the system. I made it about ME. And God help me I hate that about myself. So I canceled my comment before it went large.

This is what I almost wrote… Thank you <insert name> for being vulnerable to share your family’s story. I’m glad you found help for your daughter. For every one person that speaks up, hundreds more are suffering in silence. The stigma/fear/shame are real. The social services are lacking. We are fortunate to have FMLA and a job that allows us to concentrate on what’s most important. Many do not.

I could’ve gone on and on and on with my diatribe. I could wallow about our experience with Lulu who at the tender age of 16 suffered with suicidal ideation. How she used to cut herself. How she binge ate her way to oblivion to get through the stress of college. Who is now skinny as a rail having mastered her fate. Who still struggles daily with self doubt and worse yet in those struggles, shows a fierce determination and strength beyond her years.

I could go on and on about the broken system. Elaborate with intimate detail what we went through to find help. To be turned away. To be further harmed. Hell, we went through fresh hell. But I haven’t the energy. And I’m not sure it’s productive. I firmly believe one should come with a solution not a complaint. In other words, whining about a broken system doesn’t fix said system. With that I’m FIN. For now. Until the next dust up.

If you take away anything from this rant, know you aren’t alone even when it feels like it. We are legion. Not just in May but year round ❤️‍🩹

As always more to come.

Who Let the Dogs Out? ~ 4/11/22

Releasing the hounds … yet again. In no particular order but all medical related. Stop now if med stuff is TMI. Voyers welcome. I’m a nut.

You might remember my CT that was denied, then approved, then completed on 3/25/22 turned out to cost $592 out of pocket. My early ciphering was off making the no insurance cost of $790 more than for those with insurance. Still a scam with the un/underinsured bearing the brunt of the house of cards that is health insurance.

The CT found a lil something insignificant … a dilated vein which is why PCP referred me to a vascular surgeon. I had that appointment on 4/7/22. And reflected on it yesterday. Oh and my hernia is still there even if not remarked upon in this CT. I was told they just don’t go away. Small hernias show on almost any CT but there’s nothing to do for them unless, they get big. If the hernia is bad enough my stomach would be displaced but it isn’t. Do I believe them? No because my tummy hurts dammit. Equally renal cysts can cause no pain but there they are … a whole colony. Yep I’m making stuff up = MSU. Who knows if cysts form colonies? Sound good though don’t it?

Well the vein place called me back because they want my money. Doh! Because they want to help me. Do you have a driver? Uh ya. B said just do it, so I’m having the test done. Worried about yet another set of x-rays via the venogram and an IV that my one good vein may not take. But per the surgeon, this test is the only way to rule out pelvic congestion syndrome (PCS). Every CT for the last 5 years mentions it. Guess ruling out PCS is a good thing.

I called Aetna. Will you cover this? They look and tell me nothing was submitted yet. Then she went on a diatribe that anything more than ultrasound or basic x-ray needs pre-auth and yes it will be expensive if they sedate me. I wanna be sedated (ear worm). I don’t really wanna be sedated but oh well what the hell. I half snark tell her in 12 years, my CTs were never pre-auth until 2022 but I’ll play your game and call the vein place back.

Spoke to vein place. They got me on the schedule as of our earlier phone call. Two others ahead of me based on time submitted but she would start working to get the insurance part done for me after since first in first out. I told her about the pre-auth. She scoffed and agreed to call me back with a status. Which she did about 45 minutes later.

Sure enough, as I suspected, this venogram passed with flying fucking colors. NO pre auth NEEDED. Here when I maybe want insurance to say really? A minimally invasive procedure to rule out what you know is highly unlikely? But nope, right through the pipeline. So much for anything more than ultrasound or basic x-ray require a pre-auth. Instead the nonsense I had with the prior CT denial was the random, we deny every 10 or so to save the company money. And whether true or not, I do not know. This rant is purely my opinion.

Ugh! Analysis paralysis. I don’t wanna but I’m gonna. I hope the awful phone answering during my exam PA is not who runs my test. But my luck, well ya never know.

As always, more to come.

The Results Are In ~ 3/28/22

Ugh! I was given my CT scan results with a comparison to 2017, 2019, and 2021 scans. I don’t understand how things disappeared. Cysts yes, they can come and go but hernias and deteriorated discs that are crumbling? Those don’t heal themselves. Do they?

I was left with one concern which requires a referral to a vascular surgeon. With a very clear reinforcement that this isn’t urgent. It does NOT automatically mean I need surgery only that a consultation is in order for further diagnosis.

This condition supposedly left behind is called Pelvic Congestion Syndrome (PCS). Past scans have shown this before but I was told PCS doesn’t cause the pain I’m describing. Plus PCS is a younger lady’s ailment. Also, it’s rare even if those under 40. I’m not that unique. The description of who gets this doesn’t truly fit me.

The final difference is that PCS gets worse when standing and better to lie down. Mine is the opposite. Standing stretches me out to release the heavy feeling. When I lie down, I feel somewhat better than I do sitting but no real relief. Constant pain I tell ya! C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T !!!!!

I’ll play this game, I’ll see your $1 and raise you $2. I’m going to the consult. See what this new doctor tells me. I hope my dilated vein doesn’t rupture before I can get in. Too close to what happened to my brother-in-law D. Oy Vey.

I also need to find a new PCP and begin again. No looking at past records for jaded opinions. Like I have amnesia, I can’t remember. Let the games begin all over again.

As always, more to come.

P.S. the real kicker is when I called to schedule the consultation, they found me in the system from 2005-ish. They had my landline which is how I could determine the time frame. We moved here in January of 2000. Changed the phone number to the one they had. Didn’t cancel that landline until we’d been here about 4-5 years. I have zero recollection of getting a vascular consult before now. She was unable to provide more details for me to sleuth around & figure out what happened. Guess I flaked out completely. Oh well, better late than never.

Ta-ta for now 🙂

Aging Parent & the Covid Chronicles ~ 1/16/22

What a whirlwind week. My mother in law isn’t doing well at all. Two hospital visits in short succession. She is back home as of this writing but for how long? Did you know when you call EMS, you get taken to the hospital even if you don’t need it? Yep, EMS cannot make that determine only a doctor can so if you call, you get carted in. Otherwise there could be a malpractice claim or some such. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. The second hospital run on Friday was for a nose bleed. Yep. There was no need to take her in at all but in she went anyway because in a panic PoPo called them.

Then yesterday, B and Pony were going to go to our place in the hill country for some r&r but they were called back for another emergency. PoPo was frantic, rightfully so but he called B instead of the ambulance. Took three of them to get her into a more upright position. She was having trouble breathing but it turned out to be a panic attack. She took our last at home covid test and when she saw she was negative, she calmed down. She was sure she got “IT” at the hospital on Friday. And she could have still. We’ll have to wait and see. Can’t wait for Wednesday when we can order our tests for at home – four per household.

The nice part (if there’s anything nice about the Rona daze) is we minimize our exposure. Lulu is a permanent remote worker. Pony’s company is taking a wait and see approach and he’s at home until end of the month at least. Me? I get to choose and until this uptick in cases dies down, I’m staying put. B is the only one going out to work right now. All four of us are double vaccinated and boosted and all four of us wear KN95 masks if indoors in a peopley place. B even wears his mask on the job which is outdoors but still peopley. We’ve come to the conclusion of not if but when and it’ll come in through B. Or who knows maybe all the precautions will work to keep things at bay?

Back to MoMo. She needs to be in a nursing home. When the subject was broached, she came unglued. We stopped the convo immediately lest she stroke out right there in front of us. Thing is she NEEDS 24/7 care. B can’t keep running over there in the middle of the night because she incoherent and PoPo can’t get help her. PoPo is not back to 100% yet from his broken leg either. He’s frustrated that he cannot do everything for her but sad fact is he can’t. And even if he was in better shape himself, nursing is a profession requiring lots of training. PoPo is not a nurse. This is groundhog day. PoPo’s mom sweet Tutu was put in a nursing home because they realized she needed more care than they could give her in their home. MoMo was fine with that. Now that she needs the same type of care, she’s being ornery.

Of course there are people out there thinking how bad we are for not keeping her at home. Calling us selfish even. Maybe we are being selfish? Or maybe we’re feeling guilty? MoMo has never been an easy person to deal with. Let’s just say it’s complicated.

Here’s a plug for long term care insurance. Just do it! B and I have it since we were in our 20s. People think the coverage is for older folk only but anyone can need long term care. Think car wrecks and such. Now all we need is to get our pre-arranged funeral plans in order.

I’ve already told the kids if I get this way … like MoMo … to just drop me off in the hill country somewhere on our property. I’ll wonder around until nature takes its course. They can even assist me if they’d like by pushing me off the highest point on the place down into the ravine. Just make sure my death is instant. Doh! Humor even dark humor is what is called for right now. This too shall pass. God willing and the creek don’t rise.

As always, more to come.

All’s Well That Ends Well ~ 12/28/21

… and we’re not talking ’bout Willie Shakes’ play from 1623. I released the hounds for nothing. Look HERE for a re-cap. Well maybe not nothing. This experience took almost a whole day; that is time we’ll never get back and a lost floating holiday for the kidlet. But he is fortunate that a floating holiday was even an option. He worked from the office all by his lonesome today because the rotation of A – Team and B – Team is on hiatus due to the Omni monster.

Despite getting an email stating the delivery of the new phone would be 1/26/22, we got a Fedex email at 2:00 am while we were snoring that changed the delivery to no later than 8:00 pm today. Means I started tracking that bad boy. Phone arrived in SAT at 8:14 AM and was promptly out for delivery. I signed up for status updates as the phone moved along the route. Ultimately FedEx beat their promised time by five hours. Thank you Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

As I sit and write this post, the new phone is pulling in the cloud data, breathing back to life. The old phone with its’ defective LCD screen is packed up and ready to be shipped back within the requisite 10 days. I have pictures of everything in case they try to claim water damage or physical damage because there was none!! Just google it, known defect. But no sense getting riled up again. Whew! Time for a deep sigh of relief.

I’m saddened that we are reduced to a puddle by a thin rectangular jezebel who holds our life in her hands. Okay, now I’m being the queen comma drama and MSU = making stuff up. Or am I? Because we’ve come to this point haven’t we? I should come up with a better analogy though. Bad boy over jezebel. Why does negative sentiment always have to be female? Ugh, but that’s a rant for another day.

As always, more to come.

Release the Hounds ~ 12/27/21

WP people help a sister out. I need to vent with a capital V over some seriously champagne variety problems. A cell phone is a necessity. Yeah I said it. Much like water and electricity. Not to make calls (though the original intended use is still beneficial) but to connect to work.

Brief backstory. Pony’s alarm on his phone went off this morning like usual but he couldn’t turn it off. The screen was blank. He kept punching and what would’ve been the alarm app and eventually it stopped. He did all the diagnostic things because he can but still nothing. Blank screen though he could feel the haptics (whatever the heck that is) working.

We went to an ATT store, only to be told we don’t do warranties in store, you have to go online. Due to the work situation, we explained we needed the phone today! Oh so sorry but were told no worries, the warranty department can expedite.

Back home, online … many hours later and ugh! Guess how that went? C’mon three guesses. Did they do right us by? Nope. They did not.

We were transferred and lied to and transferred some more. At the last transfer, we were put back to the beginning of the queue. This final liar, a newbie, still wet behind his ears, but who shall remain nameless, referred us to uBreakiFix as an alternative to waiting. ATT (through Jesus) without affiliation to do so, claims uBreakiFix would repair or replace right there on the spot.

Well we made an appointment with a branch of uBreakiFix that was right next to a different ATT store so we could hop on over there afterwards if necessary. The tech at uBreakiFix was gobsmacked. Uh no, we cannot replace your phone. We are not a retail store but yes if under warranty, we will fix it.

Yay! And why was this not told to us at the beginning?!?!? We’d understand an immediate repair option. Tech further explains, this is common occurrence where the LCD screen goes out. A KNOWN DEFECT. Everything else about the phone is working but yeah, he is not surprised, in fact his phone did the same.

Sadly, he does not have the part in the right color. And mix matching colors is not allowed for parts/inventory etc… and consumers don’t want that either. Samsung should plan for desperate consumers who just want to go back to work. Let us mix would ya?! We called the two other corporate branches of uBreakiFix and they all have the same issue … no part in the same color and no they cannot use the bronze or white instead of black.

One option was to buy off the contract and get a new phone @ 2k! Ommfg!!! Or go back to the warranty division and jump through their rings of fire. Which is what we did. I made the poor girl spell her name and type in specifically that this claims is not water or physical damage but rather a KNOWN defect where LCD screens give up the ghost. They are expediting; the new phone should arrive in 1 to 2 days. We have 10 days to return the original phone or there will be a $1299 plus tax penalty. The mofos. But all in all, tragedy avoided right?

Well I can’t leave well enough alone. I found a franchise uBreakiFix (don’t use non corporate says the tech at the first place, they are not as good). Well maybe but their Yelp beat your Yelp, take that 4.1, franchisee is 4.7!! And this franchisee has 3 in the right color. I’m going there tomorrow and if they will honor the 20 days left in the warranty, then we’ll do the ole LCD screen switcheroo. If not, it is $289 and we’ll say screw that noise and wait for the new phone.

Hindsight being 20/20, we should’ve looked at all the places to see if any had the part. We quit too soon. Still overwhelmed with options. Still anxious to get this resolved. Meanwhile the world burns. Small potatoes as “they” whoever “they” are say.

Ok, lemme let ya go. I’ve ranted too much already.

As always, more to come.

All Rose in Titanic

Picture it … China Grove TX, May 7, 2020 noontime. I’m taking my walk doing my Rose from Titanic impression, arms outstretched walk as the wind blows back my hair as my heart will go on … I round the driveway curve and see a white van.
 
Dammit! A delivery and me without my mask. Who the eff keeps ordering things?!!??! Not me!! Sacribleu!! I sort of walk jog run in the opposite direction all Minny in the Help, running from Johnny, Celia’s husband. Worried because I taught her how to fry up a chicken and he can’t know that.
 
I swear I would have thrown groceries at the man, if I had them. Panic sets in as I mentally measure six feet apart muthafucker. Want some fire scarecrow? lol
 
But seriously dude where’s your mask?
 
He rolls down the window. I stop to listen as he yells from quite a distance …
 
“FedEx for pick up”.
 
Me: “they came by yesterday”.
 
Him: “FedEx?”
 
Me: “I hope so. For books right?
 
Him: “They told me to check”
 
Me: “Check what? Can’t you tell on your device? The other guy scanned them”
 
WTF. He drives away but stops at the spot in the road where I was when I first saw him. Not leaving. Dogs going nuts. I guess he was double checking but I just wanted him to go. Those damn books, the late fees are more than the original cost.
 
Inquiring minds wanna know, do I need 14 more days of quarantine?

Seriously Meredith Grey?

WP just gave me the 9 day streak badge.  But I posted for #SLS this morning.  I guess since I scheduled #SLS they count the day that post was written?  Somehow they have changed my dangling carrot and I do not like it.  Not one bit!  Lol!!  So silly.  I am better now.  B really helped me this weekend, to see the error of my ways.  We’ve had so much fun starting with Friday night’s Pink in the Rink, yesterday’s shenanigans, and today’s Sunday Funday!!

Example badge …

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Rat bastards!!!!!! LOL

As always, more to come.