Musical Therapy

I came home to this song blasting If I Die Young by the Band Perry .  Doh! Not sure I like her song choice.  But you do what you do to get through ya know.  The lyrics rock me to my core.  

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when
She stands under my colours, oh and
Life ain’t always what you think it oughta be, no
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I’ve had just enough time

I have some theories about Lulu’s situation.  If it was bad, there is a liability potential and we would not be waiting until tomorrow to be seen.  If the labs were bad or the ultrasound showed something bad, we’d be called in early, like yesterday.  Might not have even been released.  Therefore, we have to say “it’s nothing until it’s something”  Wevhave to trust our choice in doctors who we’ve only just met.  We have HOPE (damn you fickle bitch, do not let us down). 

Plus thanks to Aunt K, we have Our Lady of Fatima on her 100th anniversary and blessed oil that we are treating with reverence.  I have to think Jesus forgives and doesn’t consider the picture irreverent. Instead it’s a beautiful homage. 

As always, more to come.

So Sick And Tired

Really I am. Misdirected frustration for sure.  I’ll snap out of it once we get Lulu’s diagnosis.  For now, I’m gonna bitch and moan.   

All this Plan B bull shit about how failure is really success. The door to new opportunities.  Everything happens for a reason. Blah blah blah.  Mark Walberg and 50 Cent had criminal histories but look at em now.  Or some super star named Sarah who was fired from Virgin Airlines and Atari only to make it big later at Nike and then Flywheels or some such place.  Blah, blah, blah. 

I’m sorry but fuck that.  They are not representative of the whole.  They are exceptions to the rule.  The rest of us commoners muddle along.  Rags to riches my ass.  

Sure, you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again. It’s just not the same as Marky Mark.  Few reach his height of superstardom.  The rest of us enjoy a mundane existence.  I believe failure is not life ending but failure is certainly not game changing either.  Can we acknowledge that it’s ok to take a pause and feel bad for a second? 

So FB quit sending positivity articles to my newsfeed.  Articles that are supposed to make me feel better but instead make me feel like shit. Of course it’s my choice to read or not to read.  Guess I will be rearranging my schedule and my agenda of things to do to include reading only articles that are not saccharine laced bull shit. 

Dang, that felt good! 🎶I feel good. I knew that I would now. So good so good. I’ve got you!  🎶.  I should vent more often. 😂

As always more to come.