Thursday Thoughts ~ 9/29/22

Here we go! My last thought of the month. Oh who am I kidding?!? My thoughts are a daily whirling dervish. If I’m not overthinking, I’m sleeping. I’m also scheduling this post so that I don’t miss my once a day forever goal. This is post 1508 in a row with 4112 posts in total since I began this blog for real the second time. Saved my life I tell you what!

Yesterday, not really yesterday but 9/23/22*, my monitor went out. This is a Hannspree which are hard to find but a boatload are available on eBay. I vividly remember getting the monitor. I told the guy at Best Buy, don’t take advantage of a luddite, I want the least expensive but most reliable monitor. Oh & I’m really not a luddite. I LOVE new technology & while I can’t keep up with the kiddos, I have found ways of meeting my technology needs handily … for my purposes which are limited anyway. Sometimes I play dumb to get assistance when I’m impatient but mostly when in doubt, I right click my way to something.

So back to the monitor. It is at least 22 years old because I have had it ever since we moved here. I said this recently, I mark time by life events. I worked on my little laptop all hunched over which is NOT good for my back but I couldn’t really take a day off since I was facilitating training that day. Pony had an extra monitor that he brought to me that afternoon but in doing the ole switcheroo, the gently used screen got damaged when we accidentally laid it on top of the camera. Now that screen is completely toast. He wasn’t upset because he was never going to use it again anyway.

But then a funny thing happened on the way to the forum. I mean a generally funny thing happened. The jingling around (my technical term for reestablishing connection) of the Hannspree brought it back to life all Evanescence Thank you Amy Lee. I used it for a while last night* without issue & today (really 9/24/22) I have some flickering when I delete emails of all things. Then the screen went all fuzzy like the end of TV broadcast in the old days. This means I’m getting a new monitor even though the laptop works in a pinch.

I surely do not want to go back into the office more days than mandated just to have a big screen. More so because our covid protocols at work are relaxed. The mandatory testing is done & the what to do if exposed has changed. No more quarantine. Come on in folks, the water is fine. We’ll be back to the old days of if you’re not coughing up a lung & your fever is 101 or less, we expect to see you there. FML, seriously. I’m wanting to avoid exposure at all costs because we have to help B’s parents. I’ll never forgive myself for passing this along. But all I can do is control myself so I am five times vaccinated – two shots, two boosters (regular), & one booster (bivalent). I’ll do whatever I need to do annually as well. Sure I’m overreacting but that’s what I’m known for don’t cha now. lol

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections ~ A Week in Review ~ 9/25/22

Yep I know it’s still September but I’m ready for Halloween hence the feature image. This week was rough. I had to be in office which isn’t new but what made it different was we had in person meetings. Large group gatherings. And yes I was the only dork in a mask. Another thing that made it rough was my MRI & results with next steps to commence. Good to know but overwhelming all the same. And if that was not enough, I was called out by a coworker from another area to a point where our managers had to step in. I was offended y’all, that is all I’m going to say about that.

Well wait there’s more. I was so very upset that I shared what had happened with two trusted co-workers, besties. In their defense of me, we learned some things about each other I could never have imagined. Unrelated to the work incident but about life. Goes to show 100% that you never know what anyone else might be going through so just be kind to everyone, even if you don’t like them, maybe especially when you don’t like them. And use the F word often because nothing releases pain that swearing. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!! Look it up, research shows that’s true.

Meanwhile on the homefront, MoMo is declining. Friday was the first time that she didn’t recognize PoPo. She called him Griffin. I thought that was good since at least Griff is her grandson. That maybe her faculties will come back. A momentary misfired synapse. But it isn’t good when your spouse of almost 60 years doesn’t know who you are at all. PoPo is devastated. He said if there is a merciful God, he will take her now because she never wanted to live like that. None of us do.

He hadn’t called the nurses station since that happened so I did that for him. They said she refused occupational therapy & had slept over 12 hours & was still sleeping. The nurse said MoMo’s vitals were good & sleep is what she needs. They’ve said she was down for the count before & she bounced back. For now, things are wait & see. But I’m back in it again. After removing myself when things went to hell in a handbasket back in January. I don’t think she will know who I am much less accuse me of trying to send her away. Everything I do from here on out is for B and his daddy. Our sweetest PoPo.

Okay, moving on to the recap. Reversing it up again. Rebel that I am!

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Thursday Thoughts ~ 9/22/22

Borrowed these words because I couldn’t have said it better myself …

For what it’s worth, I don’t share my sometimes painful personal history to garner some sort of sympathy for myself, or in support of any causes, though I do support causes, I share so others like me will know they’re not alone. I believed I was all alone.

Anonymous

I know better now. We are legion. Sadly. This cohort that I keep alluding to here because I’m a big chicken who doesn’t want to be found out or found out further knows too. How can I be my best, most honest & genuine self if I conceal certain parts of what makes me, well me? The answer lies somewhere in between. I can’t really explain it. When I try, my response sounds like an excuse.

This post is written in response to a spam comment I received where the author accused me of whining. Damn straight I do & if you don’t like it, scroll on by.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/18/22

I’ve got so much to spill! Something happened to release the floodgates of my mental angst & that sH!t flowed away out to sea or rolled all the way down the hill. I’m so much better. My worry was making my physical worse though I still do have that sadly but I also have a Plan B!!! And since B is well B, that is good luck. AmIRight?!?!?! I won’t write everything because quite frankly my memory is not what it used to be. In my excitement, I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

Happy birthday to the boyfriend. Not mine. Lulu’s. She visiting him for lunch. There was a time in the not so distant past where that wasn’t possible. No need for more details but we’re just happy happy those days are over.

I’m looking at my work calendar because that’s how I remember stuff. I worked at home Monday – Wednesday knowing I would do my requisite two days in office on Thursday and Friday. Thursday was the big pizza party & I was the only dork in a mask. But and it’s a big but, I do not care. If I can social distance, I’m sans the mask. I have 2 shots and 3 boosters, yep we got #3, the bi-variant booster on 9/11/22, even the kids ages 34 and 24. That’s why I sometimes take off my mask at work. I test weekly too. And if I catch the vid at work, I will be forever pissed. Anyway, I feel okay with the level of care I’m taking for the most part but in close quarters like we were Thursday, uh nope. B asks me what did you do? I said socialized with my mask on as others ate. I talked to more people than I have in quite a while. Then I took two slices of pizza back to my socially distanced desk. Can you just hear the music? You’re anti, you’re anti-social … lol

Friday when I got a florentine scramble bagel (healthy points subsidy 1/2 off for only $1.79), the lady ringing me up said “you have a beautiful heart”. And me, for a split second, I thought she was complimenting me for being a nice person … you know a beautiful heart. I’m trying hard to make things right & be kind. Then she points to my wrist, your tattoo is lovely. Awwww. That’s my Lulu’s handiwork.

Ok, enough rambling. I have run out of time to spill so guess I will write more on that later. Here is the roll call. In reverse for a change up.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Thursday Thoughts ~ 9/15/22

Y’all know I’m a talker who always has a story to tell. I go on repeat sometimes. Today is one of those times with a slight twist. I asked Lulu if she remembers the story of how her dad & I got engaged. She says “I sure do” & repeats this …

You’d been working at your first real job since February. In March, the rental became available on Glamis after former tenants snuck out in the middle of the night while two months in arrears. Your parents were kind-hearted people who let their tenants pay late or as much as they could when they could. You wanted to rent the house but Gran said “NO!” at the same time Grandpa said “sure why not? She’s got to grow up sometime Theresa”.

Dad was looking for a place too and said y’all should live together but you said “nope, but you can come over after work & visit me anytime.” Just like Tom Bodett from Motel 6, “we’ll leave the light on”. 😂

He’d have to leave by 10 PM sharp though. That was a Gran visitation rule because after all what would the neighbors think if his truck was parked there overnight ?!?!? Then dad says “hey you wanna we get married?” and you said “sure why not?” Six months later, y’all walked down the aisle.

That’s a paraphrase of the unromantic tale of Jilly & B Dub’s engagement.

We were so young & clueless. Meant to be a statistic. But I think we survived because with each kick in the teeth, we became stronger. We mourned the passing of so many loved ones. Some before the their time like our brothers. RIP Jim & Danny. The accidents, oh lordy. So much blood & so many stitches. ER visits with Tom. B’s cut tendon. The home break in – October of 2006. His really bad fall in April of 2014. Everything our sweet baby girl went through. To the current woes of helping his parents through the absolute HELL on earth that their lives have become.

See! More unromantic. But there is just as much goodness to balance out the bad. And we can laugh to keep from crying. Inappropriate humor & snark, the ties that bind.

So much for a gushy anniversary post. No flowery, to my best friend, the light of my life. Blah, blah, blah…. Instead a simple “happy anniversary” to my partner in crime who for 38 (loooonnng or blink of an eye) years has stood by my side. Kicking ass & taking names. Haha!

And tonight we feast! Pork loin, baked potatoes, & brussel sprouts. For dessert, wedding cookies courtesy of Lulu 💕

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/11/22

If he were still living, the only daddy I ever knew would be 106 today. Happy heavenly birthday. I still look back with fondness on how he called grandma on his birthday to congratulate her for having a fantastic first-born son. They’d chat in Czech & we never understood what they were saying but we hung on every word of his side of the conversation all the same. He would treat the entire family to dinner out. We have several September birthdays included in the festivities. Those were the days my friend. Rather than rewrite something new, I’m pinging back to three different 9/11 posts from 2021.

Never Forget ~ 9/11/21

Bluer than blue ~ 9/11/21

#SoCS ~ 9/11/21

I’ve so much to reflect on & that much more for which to be grateful.

Now for a brief roll call:

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Thursday Thoughts ~ 9/8/22

Subtitle: Street Clothes – Fashion Sense

Well, I’m back in the office at least two days a week which means I needed to get some new duds.  I used to love shopping but then hated shopping because of what happened on 10/30/06.  Maybe I should be over that by now huh?  Anyway, I was not looking forward to getting new clothes.

One thing I did during our whole work from home phase, to keep me from going off the rails, was to get up & get dressed in what my mom used to refer to as street clothes.  That was one sure fire way to tell the difference between night & day.  No half-dressed Zoom calls for me. 

Mind you I didn’t get all dressed up, just changed out of pajamas.  My uniform became shorts & a t-shirt in warm months & sweats & a t-shirt for cold months.  I completely forgot what shoes were, but I had loads of crazy socks.

At the onset of the pandemic, I had begun a fitness journey as an example to Lulu.  In the beginning of 2020 & almost that whole year I was at my bantamweight fighting weight class.  Then I got comfortable with things & started baking all kinds of heavenly delights from scratch with lard, butter, whole milk, etc. I quit walking with the excuse it was too hot or too cold.  And I gained weight.  I’m more than a number on the scale so that didn’t bother me too much.  Somehow I gained just enough to stay in the same size albeit not as comfortably. 

There is a point in here somewhere.  I promise I am getting to it.

Lulu knows how much I dislike shopping.  She asked me if I wanted to try some of her clothes.  She has a closet full of sizes that she is keeping just in case.  So, I went shopping in her closet and found two nice pair of jeans, one size up from my current wardrobe but oh so comfortable.    Two days in the office = two pair of jeans, shopping spree averted.  I have so many USAA branded polos that I could wear a different one on the two in office days of each week & not wear the same shirt for two months.  For all you math aficionados out there, that is 16 polos.  Because of the issues with my feet, I’m resolved to only wearing tennis shoes.  Comfort over fashion all-day any day.  Sure makes things easy.

Now where was I? I’m not sure. Maybe what I thought I wanted to say doesn’t need to be said. Only going to reinforce, we are all more than a number on the scale no matter what anyone else tells us. Lulu has lost over 100 lbs and maintained that weight loss for going on two years.

The events that contributed to the gain have changed; basically she switched medication. The sentiment for the time prior to that was better fat & alive than skinny & dead. As if that particular medication was her life raft. She may have made the switch sooner but finding medical care for an invisible disease is rough. I don’t have enough time to go down the rabbit hole that is mental health care but options are sparse & that’s putting it mildly.

Deep down to her core, Lulu is the same person & people still remarking that she looks good makes her wonder what they thought of her before. Makes your sense of self wobbly. Think twice before opening your yap people, myself included. Be kind because you’ve no idea what anyone else is going through.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 9/4/22

Well I took off Friday and will be off tomorrow making this a four day Labor Day weekend. I went to physical therapy Friday, got bad (or not the best if not completely bad) news, came home and napped too much making for poor sleep. Yesterday Lulu & I walked over 5 miles to shake the cobwebs loose. Well for me. I’m still doing the damn homework from physical therapy to try to keep things at bay. I’m not looking forward to this next set of tests but dammit, I need to find out what is wrong with me. The pain is off the charts lately or should I say always.

On a more positive note, I’m taking chances and trying to get out of my head more. I have my outlet support group. A sorority of sorts though not one anyone wants to join. Rather a cohort created by people bonding over shared trauma. #iykyk

Now let’s roll call

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

Thursday Thoughts ~ 9/1/22

Subtitle: Breakfast with the Brain Trust & Word Root Origin

Last Saturday, we ate out as a family for the first time in over a year.  I always love our family meals (at home or away) because we have the no TV/cell phone rule & we talk.  I mean really talk about whatever pops into our heads.  The conversation flows smoothly like a lazy river.  The kind you can float on all day.  This is where I get to see that my kids are wonderful human beings not because of me but in spite of me.  Both very opinionated & articulate about their beliefs & moral character.  They have surpassed their momma.  Our conversations are not always serious, we laugh.  A lot.  Even after the change in dynamics, losing my daughter-in-law, figuratively.  Pony forgave her so we should too but damn that whole situation still stings.   Moving on, we always enjoy a good sarcastic chuckle.  The kind you wouldn’t repeat in polite company yet here I am about to repeat. 

Well I won’t tell all.  I’m not my guilty pleasure, the Bachelorette(s).  Trash TV forever calling my name.  Darn you ABC & your enticing melodrama.

Here is one funny excerpt:

Pony – did you realize fascism and fajita have the same root origin?

Me – seriously or are you joking?

Pony – seriously, there’s a whole timeline of the change, look it up later

Lulu – ya, I read fascism goes back to the Latin fascia & fajita goes back to the Spanish faja

Me – how do you know that?

Lulu – Twitter

Me – LOL encyclopedia Twitter for the win

Pony – So, fajita = strip of meat & fascism = strip of rights … think about that …

And we laughed because it is dark humor.  Not funny ha-ha but funny that makes you think.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 8/28/22

I’m feeling the feels y’all. What a week & that included vacation days which I used to my full advantage. I’m still iffy about the work situation. Trying not to overthink & make stuff up. Come what may motherfuckers. Oh behave. Such language. Momma sure would not be happy about my word choices lately. I wish I could share what was happening without making myself look bad or needy or desperate or all of the above. I don’t want pity but I do want something & this whatever “this” is ain’t it. And I feel bad about that because B & the kids deserve me to be better. My doctor’s appointment is on 9/8/22 where I will have to face up to the potential of something a little more invasive. At this point, I’m all for whatever extreme measures it takes to get better. Still scared but feels like there is no alternative. Now for a quick roll call.

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.