May is Mental Health Awareness Month – Mental Health Post a Day in May – May 12 – Borderline Personality Disorder

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My Loud Bipolar Whispers

Borderline Personalty Disorder

(Gosh I have even been diagnsed with this as well… Yikes)

Definition

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.

Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.

While mental health experts now generally agree that the label “borderline personality disorder” is very misleading, a more accurate term does not exist yet.

Signs ans Symptoms

People with BPD may experience extreme mood swings and can display uncertainty about who they are. As a result, their interests…

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It’s Not A Tumor

Life

In need of prayers.

J-Dubs Grin and Bear It

This story begins yesterday, May 11, 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.
No actually it started a little bit before then. April something 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.

Lulu: My period is late. I’m not pregnant but I know that’s what you’re thinking. I’m thinking I’m late from all the stress from Chemistry and my other finals.

Me: Yes it could be anything. If you say you’re not pregnant I believe you.

Lulu: good.

Me: but you know you can tell us anything. We won’t be mad. A baby is ALWAYS a blessing.

Lulu: No worries, nothing to tell. I’ve never had vaginal intercourse.

Me (thought bubble) oh good Lord that was specific. What kind of intercourse has she had? None. I’m pretty sure.

Me: I’ll make an appointment…

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It’s Not A Tumor

Life

This story begins yesterday, May 11, 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.  
No actually it started a little bit before then.   April something 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.  

Lulu: My period is late. I’m not pregnant but I know that’s what you’re thinking. I’m thinking I’m late from all the stress from Chemistry and my other finals.   

Me: Yes it could be anything.  If you say you’re not pregnant I believe you. 

Lulu: good.  

Me:  but you know you can tell us anything.  We won’t be mad.  A baby is ALWAYS a blessing.  

Lulu:   No worries, nothing to tell.  I’ve never had vaginal intercourse. 

Me (thought bubble) oh good Lord that was specific.  What kind of intercourse has she had? None.  I’m pretty sure. 

Me:  I’ll make an appointment for you when you’re back.  

Fast forward to yesterday.  Appointment for 3:20 and at 4:30 that is when I blinked.  Yep just a quick nano-second blink and our lives shifted.  The text read MOM GET BACK HERE NOW! I NEED YOU! 

Lulu has a 16 cm mass in her abdomen.  A quick down and dirty sonogram in the office is how we know the size.  It’s hard to tell if it’s in her Fallopian tubes or ovaries or elsewhere.  That mother fucking bastard is just sitting there in the middle. 

There’s a laundry list of what it could be.  Cysts are very common … sometimes the body just makes them. Often times cysts will go away on their own. But considering the size,  this is not likely a cyst that would go away on its own.  Surgery is a 99.9% likelihood because the mass is so big.  Or they could attempt to drain it.  Who knows?  More tests were ordered to confirm a diagnosis.  

May 18, 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship is another blink day.  That’s when labs and other assorted test results will be back and she’ll get her game plan.  

So how does the wacky lady from San Antonio Texas deal with her child  potentially being in harms way?  She writes out her agonized feelings. She has resisted and in doing so she has impressed even herself by not once looking up anything on WebMD.  She has taken even more comfort in her blessings. She hit the jackpot in life!! Still she worries because the family history is hard to ignore.  However she has decided that the mantra in the interim is “it is nothing until it is something”. She will now quit talking about herself in the third person. 

Which brings me to Kindergarten Cop hearing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice tell the little five-year-old boy:

it’s not a tumor !!!!

Because it isn’t.  And of course my over analytical oldest a.k.a. Pony Boy with a heart of gold looks up some stuff and shares with me to help me ease the anxiety.  It’s kind of cool how the mind works.  Distraction by physics.  

Check out this link to Schrödinger’s Cat.  It’s only Wikipedia but it’s also quantum physics mechanics.  And all this basically explains the cat in the box is both dead and alive at the same time until the box is opened to reveal the outcome.  Only then does the state of being become a reality.  That is a non-scientific J-Dub trying to explain Mister Schrödinger’s smarty smart pants theory.  

To summarize, it’s not a tumor unless the labs come back, the sonogram comes back and we’re sitting in the office and the words are spoken.  Right now we are in a state of suspended animation waiting for the box to be open.  Billy Bob is stoic.  Me? I’m numb.  Pony tells me he is between freak out and non freak out modes thanks to dear ole Schrödinger.  His sister, my baby girl, our sweet Lulu is unfortunately or fortunately the cat in the box.  

Say it with me “its nothing until it’s something”. 

As always more to come.