I may or may not have mentioned that this time of year is tough for me. I miss family who have passed in the deepest way possible. Grief is a funny thing. I am not over my losses. I never will be! I no longer wallow thank goodness. Maybe to call myself a mostly functioning griever explains how I feel. Then I stumbled across the best news story ever which I am saving for #WATWB and though waiting to share, I took heed.
I got up early today to stream. Then I went back to bed and actually slept! I feat I tell ya. When I finally woke up again at still a respectable hour, I went out. I treated myself to 1/2 and 1/2 tea with lime.
Then I went to my old stomping grounds aka Rolling Oaks Mall. I can tell ya why the retailers are grousing. The pre-holiday mall traffic was sparse. The drive there was a cake walk what used to be backed up, stop and go. I even found gas for only $1.95 a gallon! It’s $2.06 by the house. Score!!!
Upon arrival, the sense I got entering this particular Macy’s for the first time since my self imposed ban, was surreal. The more things change, the more they stay the same. The decor … throw back to 80s, structure worn for the wear but and my oh my the clutter. I thought I was in a flea market. Not that flea markets are bad, but different than the we got dressed up to shop there once upon at time. Guess Macy’s is no longer high end (if it ever was high end). We have the Saks and the Rack for that now. My mom was a garage sale shopper which made me right at home. I was only window shopping but tempted because who can beat sweaters for $12.99?!?! But the thing is, it’s too warm. I need only the sweaters I already have in my closet drawer.
I purposefully stayed out of the kids department of the JC Penneys since last time I was there my crying was uncontrollable. Reminded me too much of little Lulu and how the adult Lulu struggles. What if? If only … Not my place. Hard to watch but I have to let go.
Pony hasn’t had it easy either but he is more adaptable and charismatic as his grandpa (my dad) used to say. Pony will be just fine. He is taking back control of what he can and changing for the better. If his sister had that same moxy, I wouldn’t worry as much. Oh who the heck am I kidding??!? I’d make up something new to worry about. Or not. I too am adaptable. My outlet is to vent. Good thing I can write this stuff out and be right as rain immediately afterwards.
I took the cemetery circuit home. Part of my reason for going to Rolling Oaks was the proximity to Holy Cross cemetery. Add in a quick stop by Fort Sam and I am fin.
As always, more to come.