Thursday Thoughts ~ 12/23/21

P.S. Yesterday’s post may seem to be out of order but leaving this previously scheduled post anyway.

Today’s rambling might be a confession or maybe I’ll continue to hold things close to the vest. I told my friend that I felt like a liar. My guilt is overwhelming me. She replied, it is not a lie if you choose not to disclose sensitive info of a personal nature to the world. I said, to me this is a lie by omission. I have been lying by omission my whole life. Her response was baloney! What an awesome friend. She made me feel much better. Though I need help believing her.

Mostly I’m the blabby type but this one thing was a secret that went deep to my core. And for those who knew my secret because it was shared on my behalf, have since forgotten. Odd how when the secret doesn’t concern you, the memory fades quickly. Kind of like gossip, flash in the pan and gone. Once again, I’m reminded that I am NOT the sun! Dammit! But I wanna be the sun. Revolve around ME people, revolve all around ME!!

I have an attachment disorder. Self diagnosed but I know that I have one. I do one of two things. I distance and distrust like the plague or I smother and trust unconditionally without validation of any kind. No inbetween. Both extremes are dangerous. I’m fodder for con artists. I’m also blessed beyond belief that B is a good guy. My antenna is broken but thankfully where he is concerned, I don’t need one. Guess my guardian angel was watching when she put us together.

The Twitter experiment was actually a success. I have had a chance to reflect and overall very positive. Like WP. This community is welcoming. Parts of twitter land may be the mean streets but I followed groups of the same ilk. My people, accepted me without question. I had people! First time for everything y’all. They too must have attachment disorders to be so gracious and gentle with me. Still on the fence about writing out the details since the raw freshness makes the story scattered. You ask, how is that different from anything else you write Jilly? Well it isn’t but, …

Okay, that’s a wrap … for now. I’ll be back though. Like a bad penny. Constantly turning up. Haha!!

As always, more to come.