So, … She Gone and Done Did It

What are you talkin’ ’bout Jilly?  You gone and done did what?  Or are you just rambling and spouting local expressions?  Next thing we know you’ll be saying “that dog don’t hunt”.

And what’s all this got to do with the price of tea in China … right Jim?

Completely unrelated to #SLS but since the reference was made, I linked back there.  Sometimes only music calms me.  And I need calming right about now.  My whoa began in 2010.  If whatever “this” is was going to kill me, I’d be dead by now.  That’s nine … count ’em nine looong years.

Over time my symptoms morphed ever so slightly.  Lately there is no ebb to the flow.  Which pushed me back to my doctor for a CT With Contrast.  The results were so fantastic that I had to scream!!!!!! NOT 😦

When the nurse called me with all negative; she also said I didn’t need to go back in two weeks but they could refer me to a gastroenterologist.    Harumph!!  Down that road we’ve already been.  That was negative too!!!!!!!!!!!!

You’re still wondering what she done did?  I read my lab results.  This time the report said “results are essentially normal”.  WTF!  Just essentially so …  I maybe splitting hairs here with synonyms but essentially means approximately!  More or less so!  In my anxiety ridden mind, I read in other words NOT completely normal.

Now I am doing my own research.  Seriously! On the words from the report.  I have a hiatal hernia.  Multiple kidney cysts (they have been there forever, not changing and not “supposed” to hurt) and some new thing which is a mile long latin word consistent with pelvic congestion syndrome.   I also want to sign up for that new TV show along the same vein of “Mystery Diagnosis”.  Someone needs to help me crack the code.  

While I’m waiting for my 15 minutes of fame, I’m taking the following steps:

• No eating after 7 pm
• Up water intake
• Quit caffeinated beverages.  I have all but given up my beloved morning coffee.  I had knocked back to one cup on Sundays having breakfast with B but that’s been months ago.  Nixing tea is next step except for the herbal/green variety which might actually help.
• WALK or get some freaking form of exercise!!!
• Eat smaller meals more slowly
• Sleep on an incline if can find a wedge … though some of my sources say that can hurt more than help.  Damn you Google and your conflicting sources!

I’m very confused.  But I’m trying a hodgepodge of home remedies.  I refuse to give up!!

My rational mind knows it’d be malpractice to not help me.  I also fully recognize that essentially normal was a poor word choice.  I admit I’m known for MSU.  Still everything hurts.  If anyone has a hiatal hernia with treatments that work, share them here in the comments.  <insert disclaimer of I won’t hold you to it – pinky swear> :).

As always, more to come.