I stayed in bed until after 9 am this morning. When I mentioned this to my sonshine, I added how I had not done that in years to which he quipped “yep I remember, 5 more minutes … thanks for screwing me up mom” Of course I laughed because in his reply, I heard my own smart ass voice talking back to me. He was kidding not kidding. I was queen of the five minute snooze … weekends only but that was apparently enough to warp my child. Continuing on Pony says “well at least one of your kids didn’t take after you. The good one!” lol. His sister is just like their father.
Now this made me think. Are our children extensions of us or are they their own people? There is no easy answer. I imagine most “normal” people want their kids to grow up into strong independent helpful contributors to society. Most do not expect perfection. Life is perfectly flawed. I wish I had learned that 31 years ago.
I am replaying a #SoCS post that I read yesterday full credit to Author: Na’ama Yehuda in that sometimes there is no unconditional love or acceptance if our children dare be who they are and they know it. Even when we try to hide our desire for them to be who we think they should be as was my case. Though I did not hide it well enough resulting in a pretty dark path for our girl. Now that she has climbed out of the tunnel (that was really never even that bad), I am still struggling. I know better and I can recognize it instantly when others helicopter their kids. I remain a work in progress trying to achieve unconditional love. Even at my ever advancing age because it’s never too late. Acceptance is within my grasp.
As always, more to come.
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 
Interestingly I only just recently realized (after our “daughter with the psych degree” pointed it out that I have not always been the best of parents. Coincidentally, it is because of the way my mom raised us. Thankfully, it wasn’t so bad that they are unable to get on with their lives but bad enough that there are some issues. We do the best we can with what we have I’m pretty sure. Also, I do believe that society as a whole plays some part in how the kids view the world.
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All very true. I agree we do the best we can but when we are in it, that’s hard to see. Only in hindsight have I cut myself some slack.
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My grown-up daughter is different to me in every way I can imagine. Ironically, she looks like me, but values etc. are completely different. I’ve trained myself not to stress about it, but I feel it is a shame when I see her struggling to get along with people.
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It really is hard to watch them struggle though I realize that’s part of life. I can’t protect her from everything.
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Thanks for the mention and ‘replay’ and – I think we are all works in progress, and can all use compassion as we bumble our way along, especially when one’s path may not be the ‘cookie cutter’ one. Here’s to finding your way and being YOU. 🙂
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Your post really struck a cord with me when I still thought about it this morning and wanted to hug that little boy.
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That’s the best kind of feedback … and, I can guarantee you that few very real boys I had in mind while I wrote this, got many hugs from me … as I advocated for them. There is little more heartbreaking than having a child be denied their sense of self. It is our responsibility as adults to make sure this does not happen, and to minimize it and help repair it whenever we do see it happening.
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I think our kids are a combination of us & their own identity. Mine are constantly reminding me how I warped them one way or another. 🤪
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Through lots of introspect and a little help from kind folks out there I know I did the best I could and that’s all I could do. But man there are days when I forget that and beat myself up – would’ve, could’ve should’ve but failed. Today is not one of those days. Today is lovely.
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Yeah but there is no manual out there that keeps up with change every day. I have those moments too but realize that my kids make their own decisions and have to learn from their own mistakes plus celebrate their successes. I’ve done my job & support them if they need me. It’s rare anymore. 😊 this weekend was an exception when I collaborated with my youngest daughter in designing a logo for my other daughters boyfriend who is starting his own business. Needy!
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Lol to needy! Sounds like a fun collaboration. And yes at this stage, it is on them. They’re both adults who are making their own decisions. None of us should stay stuck in the past.
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