So, … I’m MSU I Hope

The pain is back and almost unbearable. Not sure how to explain this because it’s really discomfort. And who among us can’t bear a little discomfort? But what I feel isn’t normal. And it’s constant. I’m lashing out like a wounded animal to those close to me. I’m powering through to everyone else. Distracting myself with any and everything. Like writing this post.

Back in the day I’d write out my worries and by doing so those worries would float up up and away. I’m not that naive any more. I need to get myself back to the doctor.

As always more to come.


So, … How to blow off steam

Doggies make everything better. Love my grand pups. This was yesterday and how I blew off steam. They kept me from going over the edge.

We passed a few wildflowers on our route. I could’ve eaten Dairy Queen 👑 at midnight or an entire package of Oreos. Healthy choices shouldn’t have to be hard.

As always more to come.

So, … Spilling secrets is good for the soul

Me in tears: I’m sorry you found out this way. How terrible.

Pony: Not for me but for you. I can’t even imagine what you went through.

Me: I had your dad. I wonder why we didn’t tell you?

Pony: Trying to spare me I guess.

Me hugging Pony and this time he even hugged back: Or we’ve got secrets.

Pony: Mom we all do.

And that is true. Ugh and yay. Ugh because it just feels ugh to have secrets. And yay because the weight of the world 🌎 goes up up and away once you spill them.

I still hurt all over y’all. My mind, body, and soul. Maybe this is the cause of my migraine. That and waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s always something waiting in the wings.

As always more to come.

So, … Unleash the Hounds Juxtaposed to Free Tree Day

Youse guys have no freakin idea.  I mean y’all.  I mean eff it.  I’m going to pound something out.  Minds outta the gutter people!!!

What the eff is she going on about now???

I am not even sure I can write coherently.

When have you ever?

Well that stings!

Stop!  beating yourself up.  The cause of your angst happened over was four years ago.  How’d you know then it’d ruin things again now?

To think the #SoCS prompt was critic(al) today.  Too bad you wrote this first.  You were happy as you went out to have the best day ever.  You returned home and CRASH!  sh!t hit the fan.  But now you rise like the effing Phoenix that you are.  Delusional?

Thing is …

I don’t want to out myself.

But you’re going to.  You always do.

Ugh!  Stop knowing me so well.

Okay, short hand version please.  No rat holes.

Alrighty.  We were high on oxygen; picking up our free tree.


Back home we decided to take the plunge and replace B’s 11 year old truck with 235,000 miles on it.  Went online for pre-approval; the interest rate was through the roof.  I called asking WTH.  Rep told me my credit score and I freaked.  Not his fault and today I didn’t misdirect my anger.  That is promising.  I adulted.

I freecreditreport dot com’ed it.  Sacribleu there is an account in collections as of a week ago!!  Rat bastards.  I was still appealing.  It’s been over four fucking years.  Why now?  Maybe I should be glad because at least we got the land at the best interest rate.  And as Pony so calmly pointed out, “You’re old mom.  Dad’s truck is likely the last thing you’ll ever again buy on credit. Haha!! or Too soon?” And I laughed which means timing just right.

Yes I refused to pay for “services” rendered.  Yes that sounds bad but wait til you hear my reason err excuse.   Why didn’t I pay?  Well because the “said services” were not rendered to our satisfaction!!  It was the principle of the thing!!!! We disputed and debated and disputed and debated some more.  Last I heard was my complaint was still under “review”.

I know I sound like the bad guy in this scenario but I could give you my sad tale of woe and you’d cry.  As I told Pony the story, B left the room.  He couldn’t take it.  I can’t believe we’d not told Pony about our poor “service experience” aka euphemism cuz this wasn’t about services not rendered.  This whatever this could be called was soul crushing.  And I am right dammit!  Guess I can’t be happy too.  Monday I’ll call collections to plead my case.  See if they can cut me a deal to pay and finally move on.

The moral to the story is pay your bills folks.  Then duke it out for reimbursement.

As always, more to come.


So, … More Funny Math …

More funny math … because no other kind of math exists.

Happened again!  The RX for Lulu was ringing up at $95.90!!  They told me the insurance had to be re-added by person not account.  Guess I am next when the time comes.  Doh!  Sad for humanity, guilt for us, as her cost was … ZERO.  Yep!  ZERO. What percent markup is that?  Now I have to wonder.  Why???

As always, more to come.

So, … Snap Out Of It

Let me start by saying, I’m really not a pack rat. As I declutter the never ending stuff, I’m not replacing anything. I’d be done by now except for the closet I had forgotten about during the original cleanup.

Today I worked from home to take delivery of a new dishwasher. They arrived on time, as promised, and guilted me into giving them a five on their survey. I felt bad. The guy said after our delivery, they only had one other. Without good surveys, the work went to someone else. I hate hearing about slow work. Reminds me of the old days when B was starting out. The trades are rough y’all. And here he is now as I write this DIYing the install. “How in the hell did I cut myself?” Ouch! Maybe we should’ve sprung for the install. That would’ve helped everyone. Trickle down economics and/or funny math.

Anyway that was a sidebar. Back to my tale.

I only took 275 steps and I ache from lack of movement but I took lunch away from my desk so there is that. As I noshed, I tackled a small pile and found this …

Daddy’s printing on Mom’s will

and this …

Pony’s first communion tie

And I not ashamed to say that I ugly cried. And that doing so felt good. I released the hounds. Oh how I miss my parents. Oh how I miss the times when my Pony was a little boy. And oh how my dear sweet Lulu is stressed right now.

So let’s all go back in time. C’mon folks. Let’s do this! Time is just a construct of man anyways. More wisdom from TV. Grey’s again. S15 Ep 12 to be exact. Plus I learned from my good buddy Fred that I have an affliction known as euphoric recall. Like someone remembering their glory days. Glad to have a name for it actually.

But enough. Time (get it?) Time is my continued theme … Time to snap out of it.

As always more to come.

P.S. First post exclusively on my iPad. Even those pictures. I’ve got a jitterbug sized camera y’all. You know, Jitterbug as in cell phones for old people. Hey I resemble that remark :).

So, … Comfy Cozy

Sunday Funday.  I wear those shorts with snowmen socks and Snoopy house shoes just to irritate him.  Not sure why he even cares but he does.  And I just laugh.  Comfort over fashion every time!

As always, more to come.



So, … I’m Easily Amused And/Or I May Need An Intervention

I used to travel for work.  A lot.  And I loved every minute of it.  I miss seeing folks in the Valley of the Sun and the Springs too.  I mean c’mon!  How cool is it to live in the Springs!!!  I wanted to move there once upon a time.  But that was then and this is now.

You guys know about my hoarding inability to organize.  I am a mini pack rat.  Not the same as my mother but close.  Though her chaos was very maintained/controlled to the nth degree.  A place for everything and everything in its’ place.  Mine is more eclectic.

As I was making a final sweep of things post closet (I forgot about) organization, I found a piece of paper.  Which I saved … because I could not recycle it … because it amused me … 2 minute flight due to time change.  Beats the land sea record AND our travelling speed was SMOKIN.  I mean she was steaming.  Lol!  I tucked this itinerary away for almost five years!!!  Check it out.


I mean she was steaming

I remember this trip vividly.  The week of March 11, 2013.  On my final day there B called to tell me was injured on the job.  He was okay but he’d been ordered bed rest.  That day was the start of a “new you” for him which probably saved his life a year later.

Superstitions abound.  March 2013 injured.  April 2014 injured worse.  May 2015 dodged a bullet.  June 2016 dodged another.  July 2017 must be in the clear.  August 2018 forgot about silly superstitions and nothing happened to B.  Whew!  September 2019 – Happy Anniversary to us … 35 years and counting.

Oh ya!  We need to start planning for that … soon.  But for now, guess I better get a move on.

As always, more to come.