Sunday 🐏blings ~ 5/10/20

I love that little ram.  Puts a smile on my face every time I see him.  Despite my ramblings sometimes taking a dark turn, silver linings are everywhere.  I’ve come to believe life has no absolutes.  Instead we get multiple shades of gray interspersed with beautiful colors.  We get half truths, what ifs, no control.  You get the drift.

To deal with effing COVID, I took to pen and paper writing in a journal again.  Like I’m back in junior high/high school.  Before Internet was a thing.  I always kept a place for my secrets.  With the advent of Facebook for me anyway, then this blog, then Twitter and Insta, my secrets are no longer my own.    I have released those devilish hounds on many an occasion.  Times like today I think I am all better now.  But who am I kidding?  Better like perfection is overrated somehow.

I don’t like secrets.  Nothing good can come from them.  A debate maybe for another day but that’s my story and I am sticking to it. For that reason, I’m pulling two 1/2 pages from my longhand writing:

Behind the blinking cursor, I read I know it’s late but …

Those damn ellipsis – three dots of omission that do anything but …

The instant message (IM) came through after six on Friday while I tried like hell to feverishly complete at least one mandatory training video.  I’m so behind …

Can I call you about the email you just sent?

Me: Sure 🙂

Yes I did add the smiley all the while thinking FUCK!!!!! Why didn’t I log out earlier?

The conversation lasted about 15 minutes.

First came the I’m sorry and the here’s why …

Then she said “all excuses aside”

While I was clarifying the email by providing additional instruction, Lulu Belle came up and simply hugged me.  No words.  A warm gentle embrace with an intensity.  She held on tight as I caved. So done …

Yet I was uplifted as well.

Lulu couldn’t hear the person at the end of the line but instinctively she knew …

Her own wounds gave her that skill.  Which saddens me and makes me proud.

After hanging up …

Lulu:  I hope you don’t mind; I felt compelled to hug you.  You sounded like you needed it!

Me: I DID!!!!!!!!

Tears still glistening in my eyes

Lulu: So did that person mess up?

Me: Well let’s just say she needed help … Did I sound mad?

Lulu:  You sounded kind … helpful.  Nicer than me.

Then she shared her stress of the last group project for her capstone.   Things have gone a bit sideways with people not showing up.  She feels bad that she’s upset.  She said “Mom I’m lucky.  You and dad gave me everything!  Thank you for that”. 

Now we are both a puddle of happy tears over here.

I stopped writing because I felt better.

Now I get to feel better all over again.

Wishing your worlds provide a safe place to land.

As always, more to come ❤






Sunday 🐏blings & #WDIIA ~ 4/5/20

Let’s keep in touch!

I learned an almost new word yesterday thanks to my pal Joey. She used the word covidiot in a comment back to me.  I say almost new word since covidiot is not yet part of Merriam Webster’s but it should be when this is all said and done.  Let’s define covidiot as someone ignoring the warnings/stay orders/shelter in place while hoarding toilet paper and/or food. 

We can start a new game like Jeff Foxworthy’s you must be a redneck!

You must be a covidiot if …

  • You’re still partying in person with extended family and friends.
  • You’re not wearing a mask when you go out in public.
  • You’re not staying at least six feet apart.
  • You’re wearing gloves to cross contaminate everything at HEB.
  • You’re bringing your kids to HEB.  Their management has asked nicely not to do that!
  • You’re not staying the hell home when you’re non essential.  I could give a rat’s ass if you’re bored.  We’re all fucking bored!!

Being non essential is okay.  We all draw our lot in life.  If you’re not essential.  Get over it!  I read if 90% had stayed put this would have ended in April.  At 70%, we could end this in May.  We’re at 50%.  Pitiful shame!!!

I wish I could still link the blog with FB.  I whined over there earlier today and got some much needed comfort.  We’re safe.  That’s the main thing.  This to shall pass and power to the people. Oh and six feet back muthafucker.

As always, more to come.

P.S. HEB is the local grocery chain in San Antonio Texas and surrounding cities.  They made the national news for their preparedness before and throughout this crisis.  Everyone loves HEB.  Like family even before this thing all started.

Sunday 🐏 blings 3/15/20

I’m sitting in bizarro land as I type this post. Seriously Meredith Grey. I could’ve never predicted this current state of affairs. Guess I’m not as introverted as I thought. I’ve tried reading but can’t retain the words on the page. After rereading the same sentence four times, I put the book down.

I’m trying to keep normalcy. We did our weekly shopping and got everything we needed. We resisted the urge to stockpile. Or actually we had no urge to stockpile. Made the list and stuck to it. I didn’t do my laps though. I’m one step away of breaking my routine. Guess I’ll walk this afternoon. Force myself if I have to.

Things I promise to do to stay my definition of sane:

Set the alarm and wake up at the same time despite no commute.

Resist the urge to stay in my pajamas and instead get dressed.

Take my morning walk in a different setting.

The work parts of my day are mostly virtual meetings anyway. Nothing different. Not really. Though I suspect time will crawl. Warp and wobble as it does on long lazy days. Except I will have something to do.

Nights and weekends are the worst. I want to stay in bed. My comforter is comforting. Who needs a weighted blanket? Maybe we all do?

Looking for that silver lining. This too shall pass. I’ve read about prior breakthroughs that occurred during quarantine. Time might be ripe for something new. Maybe all this has to happen to evolve? Seems like we’ve stepped backwards though.

All I really know for sure is that I need to step away from the Firestick. To be sucked in and lose all track of time is within my reach. Resistance is futile but resistance is all I have. “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” – Dylan Thomas

As always more to come.

Sunday 🐏blings ~3/8/20

On Fridays I reflect and on Sundays I ramble.  Today I might do some of both.  I even added the reflections category.  Hope I haven’t jinxed my streak.  

The following picture is from Spring Break 1980 something.  

Spring break

Taken on a camera that had film which needed to be developed afterward.  Boy how times change.  Though the sun was shining, it was cold.  Not so cold that I didn’t squeeze into my shorty shorts but cold enough for long sleeves.  

The following picture is from Spring Break of 2016.  


NYC baby, my all time favorite vacation spot.  Lulu and I are in the New Amsterdam theater waiting for Aladdin to start.  Dim lights but the stage was magic flying carpet spectacular.  The show of a lifetime … a whole new world …

Thing about the two pictures is how they can be deceiving. 

In 1980 something, I’m pretty sure I’m sober but you never know.  Those trips were complete debauchery.  I’m lucky to be alive.  And in 2016 NYC, this was right after the terrible awful.  The only reason we didn’t cancel that trip is because the airfare was non-refundable.  Looking back, not sure how we survived it.  And to this day I am still punishing Lulu.  Why?  For not being my ideal of perfection?  For being human?  I’m horrible and wrong.  I deal by forgetting what instead I should forgive.  Feels like forever ago and yesterday all in one.  Four years.  That’s all.  Only four short years.  

Sweet baby Jesus and heaven help me.  Signed a sinner. 

These pictures are from Spring Break 2020.  

No deceit in the pictures above.  After Lulu and I visited the Texas Tulip farm, we went to Concrete Cemetery to visit the graves of my Mamaw and Papaw.  I had not been there in some time but nothing had changed.  I remember my mom and Mamaw taking us there to care for the plots.  They brought a thermos of coffee and snacks for us kids and we’d picnic around the grave sites.  Sounds morbid but really sprucing up the place and leaving flowers was comforting.   

And with that, I am fin.  The hour lost is taking it’s toll.  I’m off to get in the remainder of my steps.

As always, more to come.

Sunday 🐏blings 3/1/20 Free Airwaves and Other Vehicle Related Stuff

Yes! Double bonus score.  I had my car serviced last weekend.  I got an email “thank you” and oh by the way, you can get three months free of Sirius XM radio.  No credit card required; only a link to sign up.  Free subscription will terminate automatically once three months are up.  I have email confirmation for March 1 to June 1.  Woo to the Hoo!!

I had satellite radio for a while but after doing the funny math, I was oh hell no, NEVER again will I pay for airwaves!  Besides Jack is good for all intents and purposes seeing as I do not live in my car.  The commute sometimes feels like my car is my home but percentage-wise, I am out of my car more than I am in it. 

In other vehicle related news, my TPMS came on.  I briefly mentioned  it here.  Yesterday I made a same day appointment for Discount Tires.  As luck would have it though, the indicator quit signaling and shows pressure on all tires of 35.  B was right.  He’s almost always right.  Our convos Friday and  yesterday morning went something like this …

Me: Damn dealer messed something up, why would my TPMS go off a week after servicing?

B: You sure it isn’t a glitch?

Me: Well you tell me.

B goes to inspect and sure enough the angry exclamation point surrounded by U is on the dash panel.

Me (the next day driving to Discount Tire – hands free dialing baby):  Call B on cell.

B: Hello

Me:  Hey the indicator isn’t on and the right front reads 35.  Should I still go in?

B: No, I think the cold caused the glitch.  Those sensors are sensitive.  Sometimes cold throws them off but if you see tire pressure and no indicator, I wouldn’t go in.  

Instead I took off to return boots to Target. Frugal as I am, the purchase was an impulse buy to use store credit from returning a three or four year old unused air filter.  They gave me another in store credit but this time, I bought batteries that we needed for our remote control and one of B’s flashlights.  I had just enough leftover to buy Sleepytime tea.  Now that’s the sweet stuff.

As always, more to come.

Sunday 🐏blings 2/16/20

I haven’t posted a ramble in a while. Officially at least. Though most of my stuff is off the cuff anyway.

Today was good y’all.

I slept in. After breakfast, I went to the store with the mister. When we got back B asked if I had enough steps yet. I was close but no cigar. He “suggested” I help him fertilize the trees. I followed him around filling the holes he made in even intervals around each tree. We’ve got 14!!! This means I exceeded my weekly goal. On a non traditional period of Monday to Sunday. Either 4th or 5th week in a row that I’ve made it. I’ve lost count. I’m hooked though just like with most things I do. A compulsive personality. I’m already planning my route for tomorrow.

Boy I’m gonna sleep good tonight. 😴

Sunday 🐏blings 1/12/20

My first ramble of 2020. Aaaahhh! I need a mini purge.

I’m reading Ordinary Hazards A Memoir by Nikki Grimes. She discovered the power of writing at a young age too. The feeling of sweet relief to get the thoughts out! She’s endured far worse than me yet we harness the same thing to experience release. How cool is that? Non-medicinal cure for what “theoretically” ails me.

I’ve rambled here quite a bit about my doctor going to concierge and my appointment with someone new who was less than stellar. I’m still in pain and sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Listening to #SLS helps. Thanks Jim for keeping it going when Helen left. Musical muscle just like the power of writing. And Bag Lady you’ve no idea what your song did for me today. I walked off my anxiety albeit temporary with End of the Line on a loop. I feel better. Maybe I’m not dying. Oh who am I kidding? We’re all dying. Maybe I’m not dying today!!!

You too can share the joy that is the Traveling Wilburys

As always more to come.

Thursday 🐏blings 12/26/19 Part Two

We ran a few errands earlier and ended up getting Lulu’s graduation ring. Yep it’s happening. Spur of the moment but planned as she’d narrowed down her selection some months beforehand. I’m verklempt. Though not really. Makes me happy 😊.

Due to our late start, the crowds were large and fairly rowdy. Parking was hard to come by. We remarked that we saw more people out shopping after Christmas than before. Of course our retail strategy is go early and get in and out. Now back home to more reading and lounging. I’ve no idea what day it even is 😂

Thursday 🐏blings 12/26/19

The past is gooooonnnnnnne! Sing it Steven Tyler and Jilly Dub:

Sing with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sing with me, just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Whoa why so maudlin? You made it through another holiday gauntlet. Well yeah not New Years yet but you’ve always loved New Years. The memories attached to that are good ones. Light at the end of the tunnel in a way.

If my last therapist had not poo-pooed the idea, I’d claim S.A.D. or seasonal affect disorder. The sun 🌞 is behind the clouds ☁️ and we’re supposed to get rain ☔️ for a few days. She claimed we’re too far from the equator to have SAD. And even then the studies are inconclusive. Imagine that?!? In my case, my mood is all me. Overthinking. Now I’m gonna put a stop to that nonsense.

Instead I’ll be sitting here sipping hot tea ☕️ as Lulu does laundry 🧺. I’ll break out my next book 📖 and overindulge in the self-care of doing nothing but reading and napping 😴 then reading some more. This marks my 500th (is that a word?) post in a row. Milestone. Yippee 🥳

As always more to come.

Sunday 🐏 blings ~ 12/15/19

First things first people of BlogLandia, today is a wonderful day! Lulu turns 22! we got everything done for her get together happening later tonight, but I had to run to the grocery for items forgot. When I left around 8 am, the day was breaking. I could swear there was a peek of light. Driving back around 9 am, it was a soupy foggy mess with almost 0 visibility. I hope as the day progresses the fog burns off which is inevitable right?? because I have never recalled a day that was foggy from start to finish. But Jilly ain’t no weatherman. Squirrel! The Weather Man with Nick Cage. Probably my first dramedy now 14 years old. I am going to have to rewatch that movie.

I was going to blog about all kinds of good sentimental stuff. But I didn’t get to it quick enough. Instead I did a last-minute make ready of the house before showering to get myself ready. Now as I sit and wait, I go to my desktop and find it has died overnight. Panic and anxiety ensue and now I am coming to you live from my iPad. With talk to text no less. Means there may very well be tons of typos.

I’m getting stuff out of my system here folks means it’s gonna be a whirlwind ride. I have yet another health issue. TMI sparred. Though I want to ask you whadda you think as I google WedMD. I’m likely making stuff up. I know this but it still worries me. One day I’ll be proven right. And the fact that my doctor has gone all concierge bullshit means I don’t even know who I go to.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh that’s me screaming but word like loud was so yesterday’s #SoCS.

I’ve mentioned before how hard is this time of year. Yet some of the best things occurred in that span of Thanksgiving to New Years too. Like Lulu’s birthday. Nine and 1/2 years after Pony. Our miracle. Best birthday and Christmas gift ever. And forget the past. In the now, I’m grateful. I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted and way more than I deserve.

I’ve been inhaling and exhaling gently as these thoughts flow onto the virtual page calming me. Something about sharing makes the burden less. Even when no verbal response comes. The premise is similar to what Fandango wrote about yesterday on his #SoCS.

Writing is a gift I give myself daily. Before all the anxiety ridden thoughts pounded my brain I was planning another story. The foggy drive home was the perfect setting for the novel I have yet to write. I’m always plotting another story. Being observant to my interpretation of real as opposed to fake life.

As always more to come.