#JusJoJan ~ 1/26/23

Thank you fine people of bloglandia. I couldn’t be more pleased. It was my honor to be nominated …

Oh wait! I won?

Well, if having your word of the day featured then yes, Jilly you won!

FAMILY

My family is my ❤ My definition of family is expanded given my life experiences, it is not traditional or linear. Taking it up several levels, humans are my family. That means you who are reading this post. Right now. You’re family. Hi Mom! LOL.

Ya, that’s extreme maybe but I feel what I feel. After 58 years on this planet, I haven’t quite figured out how to tamper those feelings. Sensitive, look it up in the dictionary & you’ll see a picture of lil Jilly.

I found more family recently. Well not recently, over a year ago in December of 2021. On my freaking birthday. That has me in a tailspin and I failed dismally. I want a ‘do-over’. I keep thinking if only I had approached the situation differently, I’d get that unconditional love we all crave. Hence my attachment to my dogs, they love me like I hung the moon, without any conditions whatsoever.

Despite my failing, I’ve come to some conclusions that have helped me grow. DNA without experience does not make an automatic family. Sometimes friends & non-blood relatives are more like family. I cannot make people like me just because the same blood flows through our veins.

If the situation was reversed, I’d be 100% all in no questions asked. If my parents were alive, they would be leading the charge for reunion. But, and it’s a big but, the situation is not reversed & everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I’d be a hypocrite to say otherwise.

Damn that hurts to say it out loud. I have to accept their lack of response to my awkward attempts to connect which feels like indifference to my existence. At least I quit saying I think they hate me because truly how can you hate someone you don’t even know? I may not like these terms we’ve come to but I have no choice but to accept that ‘it is what it is’. I cannot force myself in where I do not belong. And on a positive note, I now have an Auntie who has accepted me sight unseen. Without her, I truly think I might go right over the edge.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I really just want one conversation with those non-responders, to ask some questions that I was unable to answer in my genealogical research. Then I could move along. Or more accurately, I want a relationship but time for that is short. I accept that others don’t feel the same. Of course, I’m told by a few souls who I have confided in that it’s not over until it is over. Expect nothing but never lose hope. Thank you fictional Charlie & George Reade.

Closing with a quote “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. You see blood is thicker than water doesn’t mean your blood kin will accept you. It means that warriors who do battle together (blood of the covenant) are closer than brothers & sisters (water of the womb) who do not experience war. Any soldier will confirm this is fact. Band of Brothers. And while I am not a soldier & have never been to battle, life can be that way. Not the same mind you, not even close but experience counts for a lot. So to my family who I grew up with, thank you for everything. I love you more than words can say. You’re stuck with me no matter what.

Written for Daily Prompt #JusJoJan the 26th 2023. HERE are the rules & ping back.

As always, more to come.