Saturday Extra ~ 1/21/23

Apologies to Randy Newman for my earlier snark. Stream got the best of me & I spouted off without thinking. Please don’t bite me. Hehe 🙃. I didn’t realize you had to postpone your tour for major neck surgery. I wish you well.

I’m thinking about lots of stuff. Time feels short & I’m not moving fast enough. But the faster I move, the more obnoxious I get. Rude in a hurry. Though Lulu & B tell me from their perspective, I’m not being mean and it’s other people’s problem. I keep trying to insert myself where I don’t belong. It’s why this meme captures my heart.

I assume they hate me. I have no direct proof of this but actions or in my case their non actions speak louder than words. Silence is deafening. Silence tells me I’m not worthy. I’d rather be told off. At least that tells me I’m someone deserving of a response. Like a child craving attention and doing anything to get it. Well not anything. How many unanswered texts or cards do I need before I catch a clue? Guess it’s forever one more. Maybe next time something? Or I break ties. Not like they’d notice my disappearance.

It could be something going on in their lives that has zero to do with me. Still I feel it must be me. Unloved. Less than.

I’m reminded of that daughter we met in the nursing home. Caring for her elderly mother who obviously favored her sister who wasn’t there. The sister who flakes out & only calls her mom to complain or ask for help for herself. I feel sorry for that mother because she’s missing out on what she has right in front of her face. I feel sorry for me because I’m doing the same.

I’m reading again and finding temporary respite in words. Closing with this quote. “Expect nothing but never lose hope.”

As always more to come.

Saturday Extra ~ 1/21/23

Apologies to Randy Newman for my earlier snark. Stream got the best of me & I spouted off without thinking. Please don’t bite me. Hehe 🙃. I didn’t realize you had to postpone your tour for major neck surgery. I wish you well.

I’m thinking about lots of stuff. Time feels short & I’m not moving fast enough. But the faster I move, the more obnoxious I get. Rude in a hurry. Though Lulu & B tell me from their perspective, I’m not being mean and it’s other people’s problem. I keep trying to insert myself where I don’t belong. It’s why this meme captures my heart.

I assume they hate me. I have no direct proof of this but actions or in my case their non actions speak louder than words. Silence is deafening. Silence tells me I’m not worthy. I’d rather be told off. At least that tells me I’m someone deserving of a response. Like a child craving attention and doing anything to get it. Well not anything. How many unanswered texts or cards do I need before I catch a clue? Guess it’s forever one more. Maybe next time something? Or I break ties. Not like they’d notice my disappearance.

It could be something going on in their lives that has zero to do with me. Still I feel it must be me. Unloved. Less than.

I’m reminded of that daughter we met in the nursing home. Caring for her elderly mother who obviously favored her sister who wasn’t there. The sister who flakes out & only calls her mom to complain or ask for help for herself. I feel sorry for that mother because she’s missing out on what she has right in front of her face. I feel sorry for me because I’m doing the same.

I’m reading again and finding temporary respite in words. Closing with this quote. “Expect nothing but never lose hope.”

As always more to come.

#JusJoJan & #SoCS ~ 1/21/23

Linda says, Your prompt for #JusJoJan the 21st and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “count on it.” Use the phrase “count on it” somewhere in your post. Enjoy! HERE are the rules and ping back.

Uh 🙄 oh. Ear 👂 worm 🐛 alerts. Resistance is futile but resist I must! So many songs out there have a “you can count on it” theme or is it a “you can count on me?” Tuh-mA-toe or Ta-mah-toe. Gibberish 😂

Maybe it’s really “you’ve got a friend in me”. Ugh 😩. Toy Story and Randy Newman can bite me. Doh! Why so salty Jilly? Listen to the lyrics, you’ll feel so much better.

But you read the prompt wrong. It’s simply “count on IT!” Not ME. Take 2 🎬 & another video. This is pretty 🤩 cool 😎.

I love choirs and singing in one! Music 🎼 the ultimate therapeutic. You can count on it.

I’ll close with a gratitude. Yesterday was horrible. Not gonna lie. Effing bureaucrats. B heard me on the phone through a closed door. He came in when the call ended and asked if I got things taken care of.

Me: You heard me?

B: Yes, are you okay?

Me: the dam burst 💥 & through tears 😭 I told him everything.

I’m grateful 🥹 for my husband who loves me unconditionally. I’d been trying to do things alone. When I’m not alone. I forget that sometimes. Shame on me. Misdirected energy at the mofos. I’m going to do something about that soon. You can count on it.

As always more to come.