haiku – bored & gourd ~ 10/31/22

autumn brings about

pumpkins pumpkins everywhere

never spiritless

Written for Ronovan Writes #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge 434 BORED and Gourd.

Substituted pumpkin for gourd and spiritless for bored.

Very good post by Ronovan today. We have an apple orchard just up the road from us. One of these years I hope to get there.

As always more to come.

#SLS ~10/30/22

Jim prompts us with embrace, hug, kiss. I decided to go with the Police Every Breath You Take. Writer: Gordon Sumner. Lyrics within. I’m mostly an 80s baby and this song was in the soundtrack to my youth. HERE are some wiki notes if you’d like to see some background.

The Reboot – Most Unfortunate Event 3.0 ~ 10/30/22

Today is the 16th anniversary of a very unfortunate event. On October 30, 2006, when our home was invaded by a random marauder, I had no place to put all my emotions. On the 10th anniversary, I posted this short story length post, @4000 words letting loose all my angst into the cosmos. I didn’t do anything last year on #15. I’m weird about certain things. Sometimes I think milestones matter 5, 10, 15, 20 … then I think everyday is a holiday or should be! Sort of like the sentiment to use the good towels. Don’t wait for tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t promised.

I tell ya what, we were shaken-up which in hindsight we learned we needed desperately. Awakened from sleep walking through life doing what we thought was expected. Not really living, simply existing. For a while afterwards, we were on our best behavior. As time went by, the memory fades & complacency snuck in. As part of my evolution to a better mental well being, I’m re-writing the story. Not changing the meaning but refining the prose.

Monday, October 30, 2006 was a day like any other. Our family was doing their thing, work for me & B, school for the kids. Around 2 pm, I came out of a unit meeting to voicemails from hell. With ever increasing urgency, the final message was “Mom just come home”. And I did, on autopilot. Willing my mind not to think. My car gliding across the city, safely but with alacrity. I rounded the corner home & crept down the S shaped gravel drive to several sheriff cars. In the distance, I see PoPo & Pony. All that mattered to me in that moment was that both of them were ok. The rest of the stuff was just stuff.

B joined us a short time later, he had no forewarning but went into protector mode immediately. Assessing the scene, we see the smashed kitchen window and back door all boarded up. Oil dripping off the porch. I’m told there is blood spatter throughout & gun shots into my bathroom cabinet & bedroom ceiling. We weren’t allowed inside & had to call crime scene cleanup, randomly finding a company from the yellow pages.

They would take away several loads of medical waste. The nonporous surfaces were cleaned with chemicals used on surgical suites. I won’t go into details of the perpetrator & his posse. He was unknown to us before & after. I won’t moan about the remodel/repair/replace except to say we were displaced for just under two months. We made sure to host Christmas Day celebration that year, my daddy’s last.

Why this terrible thing happened doesn’t matter to me anymore. That’s proof of my growth & healing. Letting go of what one can’t control. There is nothing more freeing.

Said in southern twang, alrighty, lemme let ya go is used to end awkward conversations. But alrighty, lemme let ya go also insinuates the talk is over … like for good, a brush off. And that my friends would be a priceless ending. If only I could do the same with other traumatic events in my life. If only my life wasn’t full of other traumatic events. Thank goodness for this blog, my free therapy.

As always, more to come.

Sunday Reflections: A Week in Review ~ 10/30/22

No reflection in this post. I’m worn out. Instead a quick recap.

#tshalloweenchallenge or @tourmalinenow (safe to say I failed this challenge but oh well)

  • 10/29/22 – Pumpkin – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB
  • 10/28/22 – Scream – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB
  • 10/27/22 – Carve – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB
  • 10/26/22 – Moon
  • 10/25/22 – Creature – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB
  • 10/24/22 – Haunted – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB
  • 10/23/22 – Forest – saving WP space, unable to figure out url link posted on Instagram to FB

Peace y’all. Until next time. Stay safe.

As always, more to come.

#SoCS ~ 10/29/22

Time once again for #SoCS where our lovely host Linda writes and I copy paste: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “element.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun! HERE are the rules & ping back if you’d like to join in the physical science lessons.

Wait! Physical science lessons? Just what is lil Jilly talking about? Well elementary my dear Watson. An element is a substance that can’t be broken down by non-nuclear reactions. Huh? You know the H = hydrogen in H2O where the O = oxygen. Reminds me of Sister Harold making us memorize the periodic table. I did that for the test then never used the information again so I forgot most of what I learned.

Fun fact, I got an A in that class when I deserved a B. Because I aced the periodic table test, the expectations that Sister Harold had for me were high. Didn’t matter. I never really grasped the subject. I’m more literary. Math & science are not my jam. I scored progressively worse on each test until by my calculations, based on her syllabus, I earned an 82 overall. However mine was the highest grade in the class so based on the curve, I took home an A. Doh!

Switching gears, my 2nd thought about elements was Earth, Wind, & Fire. Do you remember? I do!

As always, more to come.

Friday Book Club: J-Dub’s Review of Into the Sound by Cara Reinard ~ 10/28/22

My Goodreads non spoiler review – A mystery. Good up until the end which was a bit unrealistic. Second book I’ve read lately with histrionic mother figures. An overdone trope.

Of course I still have some good quotes …

“Objects didn’t have a pulse and didn’t hold her interest.”

“Alone with my books, worlds to explore”

“I was an English major, remember? Everything I say is more dramatic than it needs to be ;)”

“Nothing is sadder than being in a room full of people who make you feel like you’re all alone.”

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

“… philosopher and poet Kahlil Gibran came to mind. “If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.”

Cara Reinard from Into the Sound

Thursday Thoughts ~ 10/27/22

During my Share Your World response, I mentioned elaborating on it could be worse

My daddy used to say that often. More specifically he’d say no harm done, it could’ve been worse. Usually after we spilled our milk or some other minor upset. I heard that my whole life & was comforted by that sentiment. Years later, in therapy, I was counseled that even if things could be worse, my pain was valid. I was told this isn’t a contest on who had the most pain or that only certain pain rose to a level of attention. I was encouraged to feel bad. No more pretending that everything was sunshine and rainbows. And I get that too.

My attitude shifted to one of hostility almost. My new found, I matter!!! Who gives a fuck if you have pain too because my pain! well my pain! takes center stage you mo-fo’s. I’m sure there’s a happy medium in there somewhere. As we know though, lil Jilly usually only works in extremes. These days, despite that counsel, I’m back to no harm done, it could’ve been worse. I feel this way even when things are very very crappy. And I’m not being condescending about having less pain than anyone else. All I’m doing is controlling my reaction to what hurts me. And damn, do I get hurt easily.

Whew! What a proselytizer I am!

Okay, here’s the real deal. I went for the pain management consultation where I saw that I didn’t have it that bad. Then shortly after that, we visited MoMo in the nursing home. That is what really made me realize how much worse things could be. I took that thought and ran with it knowing I’d write about the experience which thankfully I could escape. These women were locked into a dormitory type setting, infantilized, & in some cases did not have a clue what was going on in the world around them.

A huge calendar with activities & bright decor in the common room with Laverne and Shirley playing on a big screen TV couldn’t cover the truth. Infirmed with no other options, some without family. Society, what do we have to say for ourselves? Lock them up & throw away the key? My plea is guilty! In a perfect world, MoMo would be at home. With us! God help me, I never thought I would have said that with all the shit that woman gave me over the years. The guilt that none of us can provide the care she needs is overwhelming. Stress & guilt are going to be the end of our PoPo.

Things were downright pitiful. If you could just picture it. PoPo finding her in the room full of people, rolling up to her in his walker, turned around sat down, facing her in her wheelchair knees to knees, foreheads touching. I miss you! I found you, just like the first time I saw you when we were in the 5th grade! MoMo “You came to take me home?” PoPo “Not today but maybe next week.”

Though we were at the same place at the same time, B saw something different than me. As we stood by the window to allow the lovebirds more alone time, I said “we’ve got to fucking break her out of here”. My realistic husband, B extraordinaire says, “Jill you’re overreacting.” Well ya, have you not met me yet? I only overreact. I went on through hushed almost whispers “I’m fucking flying to Switzerland. Going to Soylent Green myself out of here if I ever get like this one day.” B though says, “this is exactly what mom needs right now.” He also said if he ever has to go into a nursing home, he won’t make a fuss. And of course he won’t, he never complains. He believes things are not perfect but they are as they should be.

Ta-ta for now. Not sure where to put this surplus of feelings. But for now I’ve said enough.

As always, more to come.

Moon ~ 10/26/22

The prompt is moon. M.o.o.n that spells something alright. I’m off the chain y’all. My grainy iPhone snap isn’t that great but it’s prompt worthy. I could go on and on but I won’t. #tshalloweenchallenge or @tourmaline

Full moon somewhere in Texas

As always more to come.

#1linerWeds. 10/26/22

Time for #1linerWeds. Today I borrow from TV. Since prime time anytime records automatically, I watch way more TV than I probably should. The Good Doctor is one of several medical shows I cycle through. This quote stuck with me.

When a family member is sick, everyone gets a pass.

Amputee doctor on the Good Doctor

I’m taking this to an extreme in typical Jilly fashion. How about everyone gets a pass always? At least once anyway. Too often we jump to absolutes with little if any ability to see from someone else’s perspective. Imagine if we did that first.

Alrighty. Lemme let you go. HERE are the rules and ping back.

As always more to come.

Share Your World ~ 10/25/22

Di is pinch hitting for Melanie. Pop on over to see all the entries. Here’s my two cents worth 1/2 a penny.

1. How organised are you? Do you plan ahead, take things as they come, or does it depend on the circumstances? I’m a list making fool who organizes everything though on the outside looking in, my system may seem chaotic. I’m trying not to be so rigid and more roll with the flow.

2. How many Christmas presents have you bought already? All of them but to be fair, the group I still buy for has shrunk over time.

3. Do you prefer a family gathering for special occasions, or just you and your significant other? Depends on the occasion.

4. How many words do you think your pet understands? All of them. Buddy & Spot are amazingly smart. They get me & understand everything I say. Lol 😆

Gratitude: I’m grateful for my health. Despite my current chronic pain, I’m managing. Not to minimize my own feelings but things could be worse. I’ll write more about that Thursday.

As always more to come.