Where do I begin? To tell a story of some convoluted crap. There may be some love there but there’s also so much angst. Where do I start?
Ha! Three guesses for which song I borrowed. Give up? Move on over Ali and Ryan. This isn’t Love Story ❤️. Instead this is Jilly’s story. My 🖤 emotions are raw as I wear my fragile ❤️🩹 on my sleeve.
“Nobody cares Jill” is what B says to me but only to fiercely protect me from more pain 😔. He really believes, that if I believe, that no one cares, that I can’t possibly be disappointed. He sees his Pollyanna bride full of innocence and naïveté who hopes beyond hope that feelings are mutual. But the short answer is you can’t force a relationship on people.
Sadly, I’m damaged. Through the fault of no one. I’m not in this to assign blame. I’m not bitter or angry 😤 anymore. Not that I ever really was bitter or angry. Instead, I was so far in denial that I was sans all emotion. Does that even make sense? A paradox of feeling so much that you lose feelings. Comfortably numb.
Alrighty that is all for today because I am spent. I’ll write more later with less innuendo. Or not. 😂
First off, congratulations to Alex! Awesome picture.
I had a really funny one liner that was bumped last Wednesday. Now it’s bumped again. Oh well, I’ll have a good one in my back pocket for use eventually. Today’s comes with a backstory before the one liner. Even then, I’m predicting a “you had to be there” moment. And still I forge ahead. The quote stuck with me & I giggled because it is true!
I regularly watch a video titled “Wednesdays With the Chief”. A former executive from my current employer, 92 years young, talks to us about any variety of topics. Last week, he spoke about the need to laugh at work because life’s too short. Specifically he said he knows he laughed at times when he shouldn’t have. Me too! I wish I could tell you the assembly line for Tickle Me Elmo joke but alas, it’s one you have to hear, not read.
And now, without further ado …
People are humorous even if they don’t mean to be.
Today’s response will be the birthday edition. Not mine but my Ponyboy. The big 34! He’s off to New Mexico with a friend whose birthday just so happens to be tomorrow. I wish for them to have the time of their lives. Now without further ado, thanks Melanie for hosting this shindig.
QUESTIONS What’s your favorite way to spend a day off? I left off the “if you’re retired part” since I’m gainfully employed at this moment. I prefer my days off to be unplanned or loosely planned go where the wind blows you type days. For me, that’s often the library or a gentle hike in one of the many beautiful places in my own backyard aka San Antonio, Texas.
Now that Covid isn’t so strictly monitored and folks can go out and about again, are you into after-work happy hours? No but to be fair I was not into after-work happy hours pre Covid either. I’m a homebody for the most part.
What physical traits do you share with your relatives? (Example: I have my mother’s nose)
Pony & I are twinsies. When he was little, people always remarked about our alikeness. And not just physical traits. He is as sarcastic as I am. B always jokes, “yep that’s your own smart mouth talking back to you”. Oh but we laugh. Funny because it’s true.
How long does it take you to decide if you like someone or not? Immediately. I have spidey senses. Ha! At least I’d like to think I do. Mostly I start people off at 100% until they give me cause to change my mind.
GRATITUDE SECTION Feel free to share some wisdom you live by. Hmmm, how to choose just one. Haha, like I have it all together or something. Worrying does nothing for tomorrow’s woes but it takes away today’s peace.I saw that on a sign in front of the Boldtville Presbyterian Church while driving by. The words gave me such a sense of peace that I turned back around to drive by again to make sure I got all the words. Then, I immediately wrote it down when I got back home. There are several iterations of the quote. Some add don’t regret the past into the mix. I slip into worry often because that’s my nature but the older I get, the more I can get past the worrying quickly. My new therapist allots me 30 minutes a week (of my choosing) to worry then done. CBT y’all, it works for me. If it is not Wednesday at 3 pm, no worrying allowed. I’m a continuous work in progress.
I love the prompt words today. Here’s a quick 3/5/3 for when you’ve no choice but to move on. You can do so with a smile that lights up your eyes, full of new possibility even if things in the moment suck.
Prompt: Hidden Gems – great songs that missed the top of the charts suggested by Amy aka E.M. Thanks Jim for hosting. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to find something so I Googled the exact prompt & bingo an article with the exact words gave me a short list. But along with that link was another link to an article about songs which surprisingly didn’t break the top 40. #2 on that list was Changes by David Bowie which only made it to #41. Lyrics within. Hope you enjoy!!
What a freaking year this week as been and that crazy alpaca/llama/sheep agrees. Not even sure where to begin. Oh the humanity, I’ve got a flat tire, as in my favorite GEICO commercial.
Thing is there were some highest of the high events among the lowest of the lows. We laughed, we cried, we got angry, and cried some more. I realized that B & I raised some pretty amazing humans who in spite of us at times, not because of us, became empathic, kind, & caring individuals.
Meanwhile, I’m exhausted and still in pain. And sometimes I make the pain worse with my worrying. Two weeks have passed and I have yet to get the phone call from the specialist my doctor is sending me to. But my attitude is a better & I’m covering well. I think … I’m deferring my Get Real series until I can be logical. Right now I’m as raw as a live wire. It’s electrifying. Cue the cast of Grease. Okay, enough already. Here is the roll call for last week.
Lulu and I had a really nice walk this morning. Instead of river level, we walked street level. I reminisced about the years I worked downtown. Surprisingly I remembered all the shortcuts. We made good time and hit 5 miles @ 8:30 🕣.
Afterwards we made a quick stop at Target 🎯 so Lulu could grab a few things for her upcoming coast trip. As I walked more laps because I’m competitive with myself that way, I saw a journal 📓 and wouldn’t you know it, the cover says “Grin and Bear 🐻 It”. Hey that’s my theme which means despite not needing a journal, I bought this one anyway. I’m going to use it to aggregate some things, keeping to a single related topic.
I’m like a kid in a candy 🍬 store 🏬 who needs a nap 😴 😂. I’m sleeping somewhat better. Thankfully 😅. But getting up at the b’crack of dawn has its after effects.
Hello 👋 Folks! Coming at you live from my iPhone 📱. The last Saturday of June snuck right up ⬆️ on me. I agree ☝️ with Linda; how did we get to the last week of June already? And what day is it anyway? I didn’t think 🤔 I’d be able to write ✍️ today. Or least not without railing against the machine.
But I’ve opted to keep my opinions to myself. Not that I don’t care 🤷♀️ but it’s exhausting to try to convince others to change their way of thinking to my own. I need to divert my energy to what I can control. Of course it’s stream which is usually outta control. But I CAN moderate my response to the prompt which follows.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “product/produce.” Use one, use them both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!
Ooh 😮 bonus points on the line. What product can I create to earn that carrot 🥕? One down and one to go.
Hot 🥵. Muy caliente! When you live in Texas with many (I’ve lost count) days of consecutive temps over 100, your turn to water 💧 the garden 🪴 whose produce is barely 😰 hanging on results in memories of summers past. Ya see the hose was baking all day making that first blast 💥 of water scalding. Yep you almost burn 🔥 yourself. No exaggeration either. Damn!
How’s that about summers past? Well when you were a kid 👧 and you turned on the sprinkler or the water 💧 wiggle, you let the hose run 🏃♂️ for a while to cool 😎 down. Now I wanna run all around the yard getting soaked. I bet our dogs 🐶 🐶 would love 💕 it.
Please know that I’m not complaining. After Snowmageddon 2021, I swore I’d never whine about the heat again. Our A/C is a product that produces sweet relief 😮💨. We’re a set it to 78 and forget it bunch. Our energy provider loves us. Too high for some who swear by 72, but to us, we’ve got ceiling fans to compensate.
Alrighty. Landing the plane ✈️. Lulu and I are walking 🚶♂️ it off. We usually go river level but we’re going topside this time. Living on the edge.
HERE are the rules and ping back if you too would like to play along.
Here is my GoodReads Review: Rolling joints. Seriously? OK talk to text you’re a mess. I really enjoyed this book. When it’s something so personal, who am I to review or critique? Instead I recommend you read and decide for yourself. Me? I’m always up for an entertaining story. This memoir is full of them.
So, …. there was no mention of rolling joints in the book but I said something that talk-to-text converted to that. I left ‘as is’ since I am easily amused. This book was a free Kindle selection of the month which means I got highlights. Being a little out of practice, I couldn’t use all of them. I’m much better with pen to paper in my common place book as a read a physical book, with pages to turn, that I can hold. Lemme just say that the acknowledgements at the end were off the chart with really good stuff. Sophie is very lucky to have good people in her life.
Here I’ll share a few (okay nine) quotes that really resonated with me, then I’ll let you go.
If you’re riding in an RV with your grandparents who have kindly taken you on a trip to see the Four Corners, don’t make your seventy-one-year-old grandpa sleep on the floor—unless he grabs your knee and jokes, “This is how a horse bites an apple.” Then it’s fair game.
If you look past the homophobia, bigotry, snakes, pushy moms, and Joel Osteen–style, veneer-capped smiles, Baptist churches are the best.
Mass was somber, and the reverends spent a lot of time swinging scented, …
It was a perfect illustration of my relationship with my mom . . . close—way too close—and codependent as hell.
What I really wanted to say was, Let your freak flag fly, weirdos!
I trusted my mom yet again, who was the Old Mill grits of the South. (That means queen bee.)
You can’t text someone an insane number of times to get them to talk back to you. That would mean a restraining order.
Her mom – “You were so frenzied. I wanted to help, but at times I felt helpless.” Sophie – “I’m happy I went through everything. I think it all timed out exactly as it should’ve,” I assured her.
“Think of the thing that you don’t want us to know about you and then tell us all about it.”
The bolded quote – lucky #7, when I needed to see it, boom there it was in print!! Some of you may remember my angst ridden, worry posts of late where I mention I was afraid of getting in trouble? Well persistence paid off. Kinda, sorta, maybe? I re-read some of the texts (and emails) I sent in search of … whoa buddy, I want a do-over. Oops sorry. I was losing it. All is better now, kinda, sorta, maybe?