My sweet Lulu learned she has to go back on the phones Monday and she is devastated. As someone who spent 15 years on the phones loving every minute, who kept trying to find ways I could talk to customers every now and then even after my job no longer called for it, I can’t relate. Just because I liked the call center life though doesn’t minimize her feelings. When she is sad, I am too. My sweetest delicate flower. I stopped short of saying “well at least you have a job”. They could have let her go completely. But again that is minimizing her feelings which she is entitled to feel!!!!
A plus is I am reading fiction again. At one point, I had read so much that I had a Friday Book Club feature here on this blog. Not sure I will get back to that pace but I’ll let ya know after I finish this one. I think my decision to read again came from CBT. I started journaling and with that came a realization that I had stopped all my hobbies except gardening.
I had some other realizations – Fear of Missing Out – FOMO is both real and fake. I had a couple of truly bad days and expressed my sadness to Lillie. She suggested I reach out to some fellow humans, so I did. In each of the two interactions, I felt cheated afterwards. That’s what I mean by real and fake. I felt left out, that was real but I thought these co-workers were having fun without me because they were without me. Turns out nothing personal and in one case, they were not even having fun.
See Jilly J-Dub, you are not the sun. What I found to be true though is that if you want people in your life, you have to make room for them. Some people have their person(s) and they are blessed. Makes me jealous if I’m honest. Jelly Jilly. Maybe I haven’t found someone to make space for besides B and the kids. Or maybe I have but I think all or nothing. The effort makes me wimp out from even trying to connect. I can’t complain if I’m not willing to engage. That’s on me.
Alrighty, enough wamp, wah! Lemme let ya go. Until next time.
As always, more to come.
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 