I’m sad. I’m thinking about ‘things’ and MSU = making stuff up. Why do I go looking trouble when there is none. But there’s an undercurrent. Always. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This moment’s fixation is my Pony. I love my lil boy and wish him some good luck and happiness. He was the sweetest kid. Had everyone wrapped around his lil finger. He’s still sweet but life has kicked him in the teeth. And THAT hurts my heart immensely.
Okay enough! Time to turn that frown upside down. I went to my doctor’s appointment and she told me I do NOT have high blood pressure. According to her, 120/80 is outdated and when they try to medicate people to the 120/80 range, patients get lightheaded. She said 130/85 is my goal. When I showed her my tracking log that the other doctor recommended, she glanced and said those are FINE. Well some days I did exceed 130/85 AND you and I both know what FINE really means but I digress. I’m not going around shopping for a doc to give me blood pressure meds.
I have another CT scan to schedule. Last one was in 2019 though seems like yesterday. She didn’t feel anything with palpitation but agreed to the scan for peace of mind to show nothing changed. Each one of these tests is basically a you’ve got a little of this and that but nothing to cause the pain you’re explaining. Dammit! Osteoarthritis hurts. I need a new left hip! And that’s a big negatory too.
My new therapist says I should start from scratch with someone who won’t judge me preemptively. Just show up without any history. And I just might. Or I’ll come here to complain to the netherworlds.
Two final things before I go … one – a patient did not comply with the mask policy and was booted while screaming profanities and two – I was told my blood pressure thing is “white coat syndrome”. Fuck off! If I had that, I’d have had it all the time not out of the blue. I think I have “don’t like to be physically close to people anymore” syndrome. Doh!
As always, more to come.