Bluer than blue ~ 9/11/21

9/11/21 is one of those clear September days where the sky is bluer than blue. Much like the day 20 years ago before everything turned upside down. Lulu and I opted to make today a day of self care. No plans, no rushing around, rolling with the flow. Facials tonight. Pony and B are at the place working to finish off the facilities. This hunting season we’ll have a bathroom. Yipee!!

I decided to fill up my car since last night when we went to get take out, we were running on fumes. We have grocery run Sunday which meant getting gas today would simply be easier. No need to leave any earlier than we already do. Plus in the spirit of self-care, I wanted a Dr. Pepper icee to which I am sadly addicted. Or not sadly. A vice that only hurts me if I over indulge but I don’t. Except when I do which is once or twice a month.

Did I mention the skies are bluer than blue? I love the feeling of the sun on my skin after leaving the cool house for the warm car. Sometimes the inside of the car is too hot but today, not so much, just bright and warm. I looked at the miles, 104,528. I thought hmmm, 4,528 miles in a year is nothing. Then I did the math. I hit 100K miles in October of 2019, not 2020. That means 4,528 miles in 23 months, almost two years!

I back out, then drive ahead down our s shaped road stopping at the mailbox. But no mail today. Might be a postal day off? Or should be but also maybe we just didn’t get anything. I pass the land for sale to my right and the house going up on my left. Finally I’m out on the highway. Driving west down Hwy 87 is always a treat. Again I notice that the skies are remarkable. I feel peace.

Gas prices came down since Labor Day, I pass Valero at $2.59 and when I see QT at $2.61, I briefly think I should turn around. But I want my DP Icee dammit. lol.

Serendipity, very few cars. I pull right in and start fueling. Or try to. Something was weird with the handle and I almost moved to another pump. But I clicked the little thingy and wa-la, it worked.

While the gas is going in, I get the window wiper and start at the front windshield. I hear the honking but think nothing of it. As I go around the car, I look over and there’s a guy parked by the side of the store, in his truck, pulling a trailer with a boat. He’s gesturing at me. I’m not done with the windows but I put the wand back into the water. The gas finally topped off and I hook the hose back up. Before I could get into my car, he pulls over right next to me, cracks his window and yells “hurry the fuck up old lady”

The guy on the other side of me filling his car says “that’s sure uncalled for” While I said “yea I didn’t know there was a time limit”.

Now I’ve got a decision to make. Go in or go home. I still haven’t got my DP Icee. I watched to see where he went to help me decide. I thought he was going to circle around to my spot but instead the other end was open and he stopped there. Whew!

Inside the store, two of the fucks with him were getting their snacks. I went right for my prize and got in line behind them. Both hastily stepped aside, “after you, seriously after you”. I paused thinking I didn’t want to get hit from behind for taking too long to check out but I went anyway. Maybe they are not like their friend I thought. Though “birds of a feather” ya know.

Their boat had what I’ll call a unique identifier on it. A Trump 2024 flag. Now I don’t want to make this political because it isn’t. And I can’t judge the whole group but one bad actor. Or can I? Hmmm What would you do?

I’ve been telling Lulu this a lot lately. Forgiveness is for YOU not the other person. I’m not going to stoop. This person regardless of his political affliction (oops I mean affiliation, Freudian slip) is a sad little man. Bless his heart! He’s not bringing me down. Especially on my daddy’s heavenly birthday.

I did it again, I got the bad feelings out with words. Whew! Now that’s the stuff. Glad B isn’t here. He’d probably go try to find him. Kick his ass. lol. Defending my honor. I mean what the hell? Minding my own effin’ bidness. The worst part of all of this y’all is that I now have to truly accept the fact the I AM indeed an old lady.

As always, more to come.

Never Forget ~ 9/11/21

The below is a copy of what I wrote in 2014, seven years ago. FB memories are good for something. I stayed pretty close in today’s #SoCS.

B was at work, Lulu was at Salem Sayers Mother’s Day Out, and Pony was in school. I was working nights in regional services but had the day off.

P and I were planning dad’s annual birthday dinner at either Pesos Cafe or Snoga’s with cake and ice cream at the house after. We stayed on the phone (not saying much) just on the phone as we watched the TV simultaneously, in two different cities.

One crash, then two, then they are saying the crash was on purpose. People jumping from buildings as a choice to burning to death. All of it was un-freaking-believable. One of those moments that we’d look back on and remember where we were and what we were doing on that infamous day.

My dad would be 98 years old today if he were still alive. He liked to celebrate and lived a good life. He taught us well and we live by his example. These two candids from his party on the Saturday four days after September, 11 2001 are all that I can find. I am grateful I have them. I am grateful we didn’t cancel. I am grateful that we will NEVER forget.

• 

• 

Now for my thoughts on this 20th anniversary. I’m still grateful but for completely different reasons. I’m also overwhelmed. Life is a cluster for all the things. You know them well. Sadly, in many instances, I think the collective ‘we’ forgot. The divide in this country is the size of the Grand Canyon. My heart hurts, I can’t watch the news. Still through social media “news” bleeds through. Distorted and twisted. Not sure what to believe. Yet as bad as things get, we’re spared the brunt of it. My family is blessed. I’ve no idea why. I feel guilty. Then I try not to dwell on it. Maybe some things are best left unknown.

As always, more to come.

#SoCS ~ 9/11/21

Good morning everyone. Linda provides us with the following prompt: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “where.” Use it any way you’d like! HERE are the rules and ping back. Might be a very fitting day to have company and be united.

I’ve been active on WordPress since 2016 which means this is the first time 9/11 fell on a Saturday. I almost skipped today since my usual cheeky fodder isn’t appropriate … at least not on a day like today where we remember one of the most tragic events in our lifetime. I’m watching all the documentaries again, even came across a new one about the women of 9/11. What a moving tribute.

Where was I on that fateful day? I was at home, with a day off. At the time I was working the night shift being the day time nanny for LuLu while B was the night time nanny. That’s our little joke. She is our precious miracle and we’re her parents not her nannies. B was at work, Pony at school, and I had just dropped off LuLu at Mother’s Day Out. She was almost 4 and we wanted her to be around other kids her age to learn to play nice. Oh who am I kidding, she always played nice.

Back home, I was watching a morning talk show when my sister called. Dad’s b-day #85 was that day and we were planning his party for that Saturday. As we talked on the phone, I heard the newscaster break in to the show. We were in utter disbelief. We stayed on the phone for hours, quietly talking while simultaneously watching TV 150 miles apart. The most vivid flashbulb memory was this …

P: “That man jumped from the building?”

Me: “Wait! What? Why would he do that?”

P: “To keep from burning”

Me: “Huh? No wait. Come again??”

We couldn’t even fathom. How could this happen? My brain wouldn’t let me comprehend a circumstance that would make jumping from a building the preferred choice. That’s not something they talked a whole lot about. In the documentary, the women of 9/11, one of the survivors, a reporter, talked about the conscious decision to remove all those particular photos and videos from the stream/archives. She talked about hearing the thuds. And we saw that too in almost real time. To this day, I shudder thinking about it.

We were in a time when cell phones were not nearly as prevalent. Still 24/7 news was already a thing. And that news was devastating but in the devastation, America united. In our own little corner of the country, we kept things as normal as we could. We still had dad’s birthday party with all the bells and whistles. I mean 85 is a milestone after all. If he was still living, today he’d be 105.

In 2012, we made our first trip to NYC. A place I wanted to visit from my earliest memories. The culture, the history, BROADWAY! Everything about the city appealed to me. The 9/11 Memorial was a place we visited, and went back to in 2013, 2014, and 2016. There is no apt way to describe the feeling of being there. A place where respect for other human beings permeates your soul. From the ashes, the phoenix rises.

As always, more to come.