Why Not Me? ~ 5/2/21

When people say “why not me”? They usually mean why can’t I? Win a Pink Cadillac? Why not me? Well because I don’t sell Mary Kay and didn’t make the quota.

Slight detour. Hey grammar peeps, does the quotation mark go before the question mark or after? Inquiring minds need to know but being in a self imposed ban from Google, I’m not looking. Hello, hello, hello – is there any editors out there? Just nod if you can hear me. HaHa!

Okay back to my ramble, reflection, musing …

Why not me? Seriously. I’m asking. Why am I spared from the dreaded C? Why instead does cousin J have stage 4 lung cancer and cousin Marie another lymph node in her neck that could be cancer and why did my coworker L have to die before her time? Why did PoPo have to break his leg and remain in the hospital? Why not me? Who the hell decides?

You can keep your fancy shit to yourself. I will never ask why not me when I see others’ good fortune. But when it comes to the bad stuff, that’s a different story. Why not me? I deserve the bad stuff don’t I? Despite things appearing to be utterly random. Karma needs to come kick my ass. Asking why not me becomes very, very easy.

As I sit here in limbo awaiting my fate, I am overwhelmed. Even the jokes quit working. So, first things first. “It’s nothing until it’s something” Say it with me! Except that mantra has worn thin. Google did me no favors yesterday and I spun into a deep abyss.

Today I did my second grocery run, the quick one for B’s mom. As we passed by we saw every emergency vehicle known to man in the driveway of our neighbor’s around the corner. An elderly lady who lives alone. There was the Acadia ambulance, the fire department rig, the BCSO truck, and finally China Grove police. Plus about three or four hastily parked cars in the fray. Family members we assumed. I made the sign of the cross twice and silently asked why not me?

Then we had the church picnic. Excellent turn out. The “to-go” line ran smooth as silk. We ate with B’s mom and PoPo called from the hospital during the meal. Asked B to take care of a few things for him. Come Monday he is moving to a different facility.

Back at home, I was brooding. Feeling very sorry for myself. I told Lulu Belle I needed to walk. She tagged along. Despite our Saturday marathons, I kind of quit walking like I should. We lapped around a few times. Spied in on the garden. Looking good even if we only get squash. Dang squirrels nabbed a tomato plant already. After that, I went in to get the dogs’ food.

After feeding the pups, instead of going in, I went to my swing. My early Mother’s Day present 20 years in the making. Sitting there in peace, I called our Employee Assistance Program (EAP). And wouldn’t ya know it, 24/7 someone to talk to literally saved me the agony of further why not me?

I’m still in constant physical pain but mentally a weight was lifted up, up and away. Instead of sending me the list of choices, they will do the legwork to find someone for me to talk to regularly. No great shock that I need therapy. No more tough enough to power through with a grin and bear it.

Reaffirmed I’m a plotter who will make three different plans for the three possible outcomes of Friday’s procedure. I’m also using the positive mindset espoused by EAP and our healthy points team. Turns out my repeating It’s nothing until it is something is a good starting point. Then I will find funny pet videos on the Internet. I will also look myself in the mirror speaking only in positive affirmations. Working Monday through Thursday will be another welcome way to redirect me.

Whew! That feels fantastic! The planning part especially. Writing out the worst case scenario first, then progressing backward to best case scenarios along with my plans to attack this … whatever this is. Now we’re cooking with g.a.s. of the epigastric variety. Pun intended.

As always, more to come.

20 thoughts on “Why Not Me? ~ 5/2/21

  1. I’m popping over from the A-Z list…better late than never, right? Health issues are so incredibly stressful. I do hope you get the answers you need and can keep anxiety at bay in the meantime.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping by! That’s why I enjoy the road trip. More time to get through the master list. I’m feeling better today at least the part I can control which is my anxiety. Lots of deep breathing and distracting. 🙂

      Like

  2. To really complicate matters, and to distract you just for a moment, you could have question marks both inside the quotes and outside the quotes. For example:

    Is it correct to say that she was being rude when she asked “How old are you?”?

    However, most would avoid that like the plague!

    Have a good day Jill, and accept a hug or two from us all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When what you’re quoting is a question, the question mark goes before the quotation marks. So your first sentence — When people say “why not me”? They usually mean why can’t I?” — should have been written as When people say “why not me?” they usually mean why can’t I? Because “why not me?” Is a question.

    But if you’re quoting a statement as part of a question, then the quotation marks go before the question mark. For example, if what you’re quoting is someone who said “It wasn’t me,” as part of a question, it should be written like this:

    Did you really just say “it wasn’t me”? Because “it wasn’t me” is a statement, not a question.

    Make sense?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to but now there is so much happening to other people around me. Like I’m getting lucky and think why not me. Until now that is. The pain is made worse but the mental anguish.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. As to the “why not me?” whether it is a good why not or a bad why not, it just is. Even when you throw karma in there. Wheels just spin and you land. Now, sometimes, sure, you can do things that will push an outcome one way or another, like eating a huge box of chocolates daily will make it more likely you get diabetes, but not always. Skinny runners drop dead from heart attacks. People get hit by falling oak trees (a friend of mine). Asking the why about any of it is generally useless, unless, again you’re looking at something fairly straight-forward like eating 2 pounds of candy a day and getting diabetes. Then you can point to a why. Otherwise the why = life.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yep. As I sit here in pain with a heating pad taking the edge off, I’m struck by it is what it is. Not wondering why or why not anymore. Even if momentarily.

        Liked by 1 person

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