Tidbits ~ 4/16/21

I’m baaack. I haven’t done storytelling in a while. I’m not sure I’ve got any stories in me but I do have angst. Which might or might not make for a good story. I wrote the following longhand first. Now I’ll transcribe.

Journal Entry 9999.

4/16/21 Friday: A Day Off

I had to leave the house before I jumped out of my skin. Isolation has worn me down. You might ask how? You’ve never been truly isolated. You’ve been with your family in lockdown. No dark cell for you. And while physically that is true, mentally you’re an island.

The remotest most desolate place devoid of any other human form. Inside the walls of your head you scream for help,… for escape,… for at least one day free from the intrusive thoughts which rage sadly, not angry.

You know you’re only MSU = making stuff up. In hindsight, you see the paths of untruths you weaved. Not lies but as real as feelings can be. Knowing your perspective is skewed sideways. Warped. Yes, that’s it!

Look at me! I’m warped! I’m worst case scenario girl. The world is coming to an end. Time is short! Act fast. At NOW! Control your fate.

Such a fallacy. Control is improbable, an illusion. Only a state of mind.

Ok y’all. I feel a million times better. Getting toxic thoughts out of my head helped. From my synapses to fingertips to paper back to fingertips typing on a virtual page. B calling to check on me also helped. He’s my rational anchor in this world.

It’s a dreary drizzly mess today. No swing time for me. Maybe that’s the cause of my emotional state? Or not. I’m snug as a bug in a rug. Hunkered down. The tactile sensations of my throw over my shoulders comfort me. The pitter patter of rain is a soothing melody.

As always more to come.

4 thoughts on “Tidbits ~ 4/16/21

  1. I’m glad writing it down helped Jily! Just calming from an anxious episode myself that made me delete my WhatsApp for no reason really. I begun to calm after, so I’m chalking it down to PMS (even though I know it’s not! 💀).

    I’m grateful that the words, and B is there for you 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad I am not the only one. Thank you for reading and commenting. Who needs a Whatsapp anyway? Just joking. hehe. I am not even sure what that is but if deleting it made you calm, go for it!! 🙂

      Like

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