Testing if time did the trick
I’ve been going through some stuff. We all have. I’m not sleeping, or exercising, or doing any of the things that help me. I’m feeling guilty that my stuff is small potatoes. Which perhaps it is but saying so diminishes my feelings. Still channeling my inner therapist (name withheld for confidentiality reasons hers not mine), there is no contest for whose pain is the worst. I have the right to say things suck when they suck. I have the right to do so without discounting my feelings. That learned coping mechanism was anything but helpful (well on that she and I still disagree). Thinking it could be worse somehow saved me.
I’m heartbroken for the classes of 2020. Both high school and college. They’ve been robbed. Unfair life goes and does it again but this time the playing field is leveled. This disappointment is a universal blast where no one is unscathed. And my mind goes back to the less degree of severity that I and my family have felt and again the guilt is resurrected. Rearing its’ ugly motherfucking head.
So, … I took matters into my own hands. I got my ass up off the couch and out the door. I turned off the step counter (or tried to, I think it is automatic) because it is not about motherfucking steps. One step is enough. This one action to go outside and walk it off is enough!
I had my gig for the snakes I might encounter. I had my mask in case another Fed Ex driver graced my presence. I had my Orange Crush cap, borrowed from my Lulu because I wanted to CRUSH it!!! while not getting sunburned. I had my phone and WP app tuned to #SLS. I walked as the music eased my mind. I lost track of time. I took things slow, lived in the moment, and stopped in the shade when I had to go back to the list of pingbacks and move to the next tune.
On a semi-related side note, I have always wondered why some people feel the need to laugh at mean things. Now I have a pretty dark sense of humor truth be told. And I am sarcastic as fuck but when it comes to jokes that demean I’m not down for that. Makes me wanna punch a face. And in this altered state, I can dream can’t I? POW right in the kisser.
Until next time which will hopefully be happier, use your rights and the responsibility that goes along with them. Take all the necessary precautions. Wear a damn mask. Social distance. Or stay at home. Simple, respectful. Otherwise you reek of privilege. Sometimes doing the right thing is doing what’s hard.
As always, more to come.
Short and sweet, I’m using ordinal number 19th. Specially 19th Nervous Breakdown. Thank you Rolling Stones, Composers Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. I’m on the verge of a 20th breakdown hoping these tunes will keep me sane. Things are rotten in Denmark. I’m an emotional mess. With further ado, here you go, lyrics within: