N is for Nervous ~ 4/16/20

Being nervous isn’t new to me. In fact, one of my earliest memories is of nervous anxiety. Setting the scene, we were going to a birthday party for my brother’s friend Kevin. I remember approaching the screen door and my mother knocking. We hear kids giggling and then come the footsteps. I tell my mom that I want to go home. I tell her my stomach feels funny. She tells me “you’re okay, it just butterflies”

Somehow I found a way to overcome my fears. Fortunately for me, writing and drawing brought relief. Oh and laughter along with sarcastic wit. I could have easily become a self-medicating statistic.

Though my ways to deal weren’t always healthy. Losing my mother caused my biggest fall. Going through that soul crushing loss prepared me, dare I say fortified me for worse things to come. With each tragedy, existing coping skills were honed while new coping skills developed.

Covid is testing me. Testing all of us in varying degrees. I want to sleep the stay at home orders away. I can’t obviously but self care let’s me wallow as needed on the weekends. What’s different now is I’m okay with my reaction. Gone is the compulsive need to fix. I’m sitting in my nervousness. Feeling it full on. Knowing this too shall pass

As always more to come.