04/02/2020 – J-Dub's Grin and Bear It

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I blinked and today is Thursday. I am logging in to work later and staying on later while rarely moving from one space during the day. When I went into the office, I arrived at 6 am to walk before logging in at 7 am. I almost always ended my day by 5 pm. I did step away from the desk throughout the days too.

This is day four of week four at home. I have to say it like that to understand why it is really April and not March 93rd. I know you’ve seen the memes. I’m not original. Time has always been a fickle bitch like hope. Now more so than ever.

Since my steps challenge ended Sunday March 29th, I have really slacked on keeping the pace. Though I am still amazed I continued during Spring Break vacay and the first two weeks of work from home. I am a carrot and stick kinda gal. Challenge ended and so did I. What a shame! because I needed the walking for more reasons that I can count. They say it says two weeks to make a habit and two weeks to break a habit. “They” whoever “they” are may be right. Means I have another nine or so days to get my butt out there again before my habit is broken.

As always, move to come.

I’m a doubter. Slow to trust. Always superstitious. That’s my problem. I have a hard time believing anything.

In this time of COVID, my doubts have grown exponentially. I won’t go on about all my crazy theories. Suffice it to say, I am off the chain. Back in the day, when my anxiety spun me out of control like this I always re-centered myself by going to church. Not to a Mass but to an empty church whose doors were always open. Saying a little prayer and lighting a candle. In absence of the ability to do that, instead I’ve been meditating. Remembering versus from years past.

“Why are you so frightened?” Jesus answered. “What little faith you have.” Matthew 8:26

Imagine the scene. Jesus calming the wind and the sea. Can you just picture it? Now that’s something in which we can all believe. Or not because you know religious freedom and all that jazz. Hopefully though everyone has something to turn to and believe in during these crazy days.