I feel a restlessness
In my soul
Ready for everything
And nothing at all
Caught in a tail spin
Of perfect deception
Time to get moving
Forgive my transgressions
Folks it has been one of those days, weeks, months, or years <insert Friends theme song so they know you’re okay>. Some may know the signs. Good days, bad days, good days, bad days cycling around the hamster wheel of life. I know what to do to break the cycle but my pig headed stubbornness has got me back here. To this place I’d rather not be.
Two people in the last two days told me “Nobody Cares” in response to something I care irrationally but deeply about. Okay then. I admit it. I certainly COULD care less. I certainly SHOULD care less. I certainly want to eat a whole sleeve of effing Oreos.
Then I saw where a FB friend posted about the signs of Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD). I thought hey, I resemble that remark. I looked further and found this article. In the article is a questionnaire that I took. I scored more than 12 y’all. Boo for me 😦
However I would say that my D is not PH. My D has reared its’ ugly head once or twice upon a time. My current status is power through. In attempts to be treated, I have admitted a few things to a few people and doing so has always backfired on me.
There is such stigma to needing help. I would not wish mental illness on my worst enemy but I do wish everyone could have a preview into that dark world to help garner understanding. “Snap out of it” “Get over it” Well duh? Of course. Why didn’t I think of that? I DID!!! I KNOW!!! But knowing and doing are two different things.
I will close with this. Don’t cry for me Argentina. I am one of the lucky ones. Counting those blessings (classic sign) through gritted teeth. I have a support system (I try very hard not to use said system) but I have one. They are worth more than gold. If you need someone to listen, I am here. We are not alone.
As always, more to come.