Confession is Good for the Soul

I feel a restlessness

In my soul

Ready for everything

And nothing at all

Caught in a tail spin

Of perfect deception

Time to get moving

Forgive my transgressions

Folks it has been one of those days, weeks, months, or years <insert Friends theme song so they know you’re okay>.  Some may know the signs.  Good days, bad days, good days, bad days cycling around the hamster wheel of life.  I know what to do to break the cycle but my pig headed stubbornness has got me back here.  To this place I’d rather not be.

Two people in the last two days told me “Nobody Cares” in response to something I care  irrationally but deeply about.  Okay then.  I admit it.  I certainly COULD care less.  I certainly SHOULD care less.  I certainly want to eat a whole sleeve of effing Oreos.

Then I saw where a FB friend posted about the signs of Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD).  I thought hey, I resemble that remark.  I looked further and found this article.   In the article is a questionnaire that I took.  I scored more than 12 y’all.  Boo for me 😦

However I would say that my D is not PH.  My D has reared its’ ugly head once or twice upon a time.  My current status is power through.  In attempts to be treated, I have admitted a few things to a few people and doing so has always backfired on me.

There is such stigma to needing help.  I would not wish mental illness on my worst enemy but I do wish everyone could have a preview into that dark world to help garner understanding. “Snap out of it” “Get over it” Well duh?  Of course.  Why didn’t I think of that?  I DID!!!  I KNOW!!! But knowing and doing are two different things.

I will close with this.  Don’t cry for me Argentina.  I am one of the lucky ones.  Counting those blessings (classic sign) through gritted teeth.  I have a support system (I try very hard not to use said system) but I have one.  They are worth more than gold.  If you need someone to listen, I am here.  We are not alone.

As always, more to come.

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15 thoughts on “Confession is Good for the Soul

  1. It’s always good to share your real feelings, because it helps remind people they’re not alone, even when you say it, “You’re not alone” it helps. Mental illness is STILL so stigmatized. 😦

    Sorry to know you’re in a blue tude. Wishing you bright, sunny moods. x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s ok. There are many things that I care about that nobody else gives a shit about. I have to be careful who I share with. There are things even my wife would rather not hear.

    “Fred! Shut up. Nobody cares ”

    I also have to be careful of ending up in a closet again or crawling into an echo chamber. Nobody should live in secret

    On Sun, Apr 7, 2019, 12:41 PM J-Dubs Grin and Bear It wrote:

    > J-Dub posted: “I feel a restlessness In my soul Ready for everything And > nothing at all Caught in a tail spin Of perfect deception Time to get > moving Forgive my transgressions Folks it has been one of those days, > weeks, months, or years

    Liked by 1 person

      1. To care is to extend ourselves to include something beyond ourselves. If there is overlap with the cares of others, then we have community. In this day and age community is a rare commodity. The prefabricated communities we are presented with have little tolerance for individuality. Hence it is extremely easy to feel alone, even in “your” crowd.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Isn’t it incredible how ignorant people are of the words they’re saying? If nobody cares, then you must be nobody, except you’re somebody. Somebody that must be nobody caring. These idiots have created the paradox that unwinds the universe!!! Well done Jilly-Willy, if anyone is gonna bring the whole ship down, I’m mighty glad it’s you! 😘🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My name is not Argentina and if need be I cry with you😙. Dark times are upon us so no wonder we are depressed. Been there, done that, still getting tbe t-shirt and am sending healing energy for whatever its worth. Sending a hug too 🙋‍♀️🐝🌻

    Like

  5. I wonder why there are so many depressed people around these days, maybe the number has not increased, just the frequency of people bearing their problems has gone up. I hear it is good to get things off your chest, but it seems like we have it much better than our ancestors did who never complained about their lives.

    Like

    1. I suspect there was plenty of depression but a number of factors militated against it dominating one’s life. Physical hardship, religious faith, extended familes, no mass media to remind us how inadequate we are. No demand that we chain ourselves to a desk every day. Depression of the modern kind did not originate until the Industrial revolution. Even then it was diagnosed only in the well off. It was called neuresthenia. The worker bees were too tired to be depressed or anything else.

      Liked by 1 person

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