I had another sleepless night. Well maybe that description is not accurate. I went to bed at a decent hour and fell fast asleep. I just didn’t stay that way. I have a tactic that really works which is not to look at the clock when I do wake up. I also use deep breathing and anxiety techniques. I almost always fall back asleep as evidenced by weird dreams and waking with a start when the alarm finally goes off.
In my dream this morning, I ran into friends of my parents having lunch. I stopped to talk and they told me my brother had been moved into their nursing home and I should come back with them to visit him. The scene was all very “Cool Kids” FOX TV show that airs on Fridays. What I saw in my dream like state was horrific though. Not comical in the least. I stepped through a blood spattered tiled hallway. I was anxious thinking I would be infected but some incurable disease. I made it down the hallway and was peeking through a window to a rec room. I saw him sitting around a table with others. Then I decided I did not want him to see me. At that moment, beep, beep, beep goes the alarm.
I realized I did not write out the demons about what happened to my brother. I felt it was not my story to tell but obviously, his situation affected me. My subconscious carries the weight. One day soon, the weight might have to go. I feel a releasing the hounds in my near future.
As always, more to come.