I am the queen comma drama but this time I have witnesses.
If I were superstitious, I would say my near miss was my comeuppance for buying Baileys’ for Lulu’s 21st birthday. Yes she will be of legal drinking age but there is just something untoward about providing liquor for you child so saith the people.
Doh! No they don’t. That’s me making stuff up. Though some people might say something similar but I digress. Back to lucky to be alive. I will begin at the beginning to set the stage cuz I can’t be brief.
This morning B called me to let me know his truck died. He had replaced the battery and alternator all in an attempt to save his beloved Bertha with over 200k miles on her tired weary frame. He is part of a carpool so his cousin drove them in today. The plan was to drop the truck off at Temple Hill Automotive after working a full day.
As I left work, I called him to ask about picking him up. He said they were still in route but he’d call me when he was ready. I had time to spare so I went to get flowers for Lulu. I didn’t like what I saw and as I was leaving B called. I went to go get him and that was when chaos ensued.
Traffic effing sucks everywhere but I get to him and we are off. The wind was blowing so hard that a bramble gets blown into the car making an awful sound. I turn into a tiny parking lot and B removes the “twig”. Now I am facing opposite way of where I need to go. Can you say 3 point turn from hell. Was more like 5 point turn. Inch forward, back, forward, back as traffic continues to zip by.
Back on the road B is calling his dad to borrow the “Honda”. Then I am complaining about my hernia. He says let’s stop at Walmart for some Prilosec. I am game cuz it effing hurts. As we turn into the shopping center where Wally World resides, I say “let’s get the tamales for our holiday supper”. We do, from Alphonso’s, in and out. Next, I wanted to stop at the liquor store for the above mentioned Baileys’ but instead we headed for Wally World to avoid me peeing my pants. TMI? When is it not TMI??
That’s when “lucky” happened. We exit the car, the wind was still blowing us sideways. I said to B, “see you in the antacid aisle” as I ran to the door. I am in the cross walk, with the right of way, when B yells JILL!!! I stop to look back and hear SCREEEEEECH! Damn bitch almost effing hit me. Through the windshield, I was all Robert De Niro to Ben Stiller. I am looking at you lady!!! I get inside, B joins me, the greeter says she is glad she doesn’t have to call EMS … again … happens way too many times. Whew! for me.
Not to be dissuaded, we got the Prilosec and headed back to the liquor store. This was the prize.