So, … Lucky to be Alive

I am the queen comma drama but this time I have witnesses.

If I were superstitious, I would say my near miss was my comeuppance for buying Baileys’ for Lulu’s 21st birthday.  Yes she will be of legal drinking age but there is just something untoward about providing liquor for you child so saith the people.

Doh! No they don’t.  That’s me making stuff up. Though some people might say something similar but I digress.  Back to lucky to be alive.  I will begin at the beginning to set the stage cuz I can’t be brief.

This morning B called me to let me know his truck died.  He had replaced the battery and alternator all in an attempt to save his beloved Bertha with over 200k miles on her tired weary frame.  He is part of a carpool so his cousin drove them in today.  The plan was to drop the truck off at Temple Hill Automotive after working a full day.

As I left work, I called him to ask about picking him up.  He said they were still in route but he’d call me when he was ready.  I had time to spare so I went to get flowers for Lulu.  I didn’t like what I saw and as I was leaving B called.  I went to go get him and that was when chaos ensued.

Traffic effing sucks everywhere but I get to him and we are off.  The wind was blowing so hard that a bramble gets blown into the car making an awful sound.  I turn into a tiny parking lot and B removes the “twig”.  Now I am facing opposite way of where I need to go.  Can you say 3 point turn from hell.  Was more like 5 point turn. Inch forward, back, forward, back as traffic continues to zip by.

Back on the road B is calling his dad to borrow the “Honda”.  Then I am complaining about my hernia.  He says let’s stop at Walmart for some Prilosec.  I am game cuz it effing hurts.  As we turn into the shopping center where Wally World resides, I say “let’s get the tamales for our holiday supper”.  We do, from Alphonso’s, in and out.  Next, I wanted to stop at the liquor store for the above mentioned Baileys’ but instead we headed for Wally World to avoid me peeing my pants. TMI?  When is it not TMI??

That’s when “lucky” happened.  We exit the car, the wind was still blowing us sideways.  I said to B, “see you in the antacid aisle” as I ran to the door.  I am in the cross walk, with the right of way, when B yells JILL!!!  I stop to look back and hear SCREEEEEECH!  Damn bitch almost effing hit me.  Through the windshield, I was all Robert De Niro to Ben Stiller.  I am looking at you lady!!!  I get inside, B joins me, the greeter says she is glad she doesn’t have to call EMS … again … happens way too many times.  Whew! for me.

Not to be dissuaded, we got the Prilosec and headed back to the liquor store.  This was the prize.

So, … The Shoe Didn’t Drop

The shoe didn’t drop … 

But it was close for a while.  I ranted in the post above but I did not get my fill.  To continue, my oldest ended up sick and missed out on a Thanksgiving weekend trip to our place.  A father son trip that had been planned ever since we closed on the property back in February.

Speaking of closing, yesterday in the mail (well maybe many yesterdays ago as I am writing this now to be able to continue my STREAK!!!) …

Any who in the mail we received from our farm and ranch bank an old school paper calendar that says “2019 – In God We Trust”.  Doh! So much for separation of church and state.  But I digress.  This post is not about that.  I just found getting a paper calendar somewhat amusing and quite frankly I expect a brand new toaster oven to be waiting for me next time I enter the lobby.

Back to the shoe that didn’t drop.  You guys may or may not know that B’s family hit the genetic lottery when it comes to cancer so we always worry.  We as in “me and the mouse in my pocket”.  B is smooth sailing. I was scared for my boy.  Truth be told I had nothing to be scared about.  Instead, I make stuff up. And what he went through even though brief sent me into a tail spin.  Ugh!

Now he is better and it is my turn.  Ugh! My inconclusive tests.  But there are diagnosis in the scan results.  A small hiatal hernia (hh) should not cause me pain.  Why the hell not? It fucking hurts y’all.  And I find myself going to Mr. Google to find a cure.  I guess I will put myself on the hh diet.  Oatmeal for life with a side of banana and plain dry toast :(.  Quit the coffee.  I know, I know enough to make one crazy!?!?