So, … Tuckered Out

I’m worn out y’all.

Ever hear someone say about a baby that she cried herself to sleep?

Well I’m a big baby.

The culmination of stress broke me. First I fought back the tears with anger. Second I misdirected that anger. Third my anger turned to hurt. I was focused on one thing while having no idea that something else was afoot. Finally I cried buckets of tears 😭.

Imagine being asked what’s wrong with you? Being accused of changing and not for the better. The surprise because you’re the same neurotic person you’ve always been. Knowing your neurosis makes you believe you are wrong. Damaged. The worst. Epitome of bad. Being told several people have put other words in your mouth. No defense or rebuttal just accusation.

But then a bright spot. You apologize and find out you weren’t told the truth. Then it turns on you and you get the apology you wanted but felt you never deserved. Not from the person who should but from the people who care. And you talk to your next door neighbor and he gives you advice that’s good as gold. You’re still twitching with paranoia and wondering when your nemesis will strike again. You still wonder why and hope you’ll get through it. Trust is essential but there is no one you can trust.

I slept from about 8:15 PM yesterday to 6 AM this morning. Unmedicated. Uninterrupted. Sleep of the just. I’ve been moving at a slower pace today. A peaceful pace. And all is well.

As always more to come.

8 thoughts on “So, … Tuckered Out

  1. The life of emotion is a forever roller coaster. Sometimes you have to white-knuckle it and hope you just don’t derail or throw up. Others you let the wind whip your face, close your eyes and roll through the plummets and thrill to the summits as you wait for the ride to grind to a halt. Sleep sounds good. Rejuvenation and regeneration of the soul. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In this case, I derailed but after that good night’s sleep and some time off, I hope to be back on track soon. Thanks for reading and commenting with virtual hugs 🤗

      Liked by 2 people

  2. sometimes I tell myself that that’s that, that’s all there is and it’s just the way it’s gonna be and there aint no sense it fighting it no more. at the end of the day whatever is my huge and insurmountable issue will just be replaced b y some other huge and insurmountable issue so there’s no sense fretting over something that won’t matter to a hill of beans in 6 months. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re a wise man my friend. And that’s very true. There ain’t no sense in fighting no more. I’m much happier now that I’ve let this go.

      Like

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