She could end her with the words left unspoken
The opinions conflicted
What to do?
The so called experts had told her for years not to say anything
To stand back and watch
To support without conditions
They did not understand how hard it was to watch someone die
The longest, slowest, most painful death of indifference
Of self-loathing and hatred
She turned the words of the one person to ever suggest a conversation over in her brain
Not saying it doesn’t mean it is not true
Deflected truths added to the lock box
She knew speaking the truths would not change anything
She knew her subject was in deep denial
The kind that can lead to psychosis
As always, more to come.
I am late. Later than usual anyways. I almost thought I’d skip today cuz ya know, obsessions aren’t healthy. And because the prompt had me veering to seriousness. I prefer my #SoCS to be of the non-serious variety.
I’ve had a full day already. Got up, had breakfast, went to have my tires balanced and rotated, my oil changed. Then I started the process for an estimate to fix my stupidity – that was way cool y’all. The estimate is being done virtually. I snapped six pics of the damage and uploaded them to Caliber Collision’s website. The email already came through confirming the info was received and an estimate will be emailed during the week when they are open. I am still not sure if I will fix or drive around with a scratched up left rear quarter panel.
And I did all of this before 10 am because at 10 am, I decided to see the 10:35 showing of Love Simon. Early bird prices and place practically to myself. And a storyline that made me laugh and cry. I am such a sucker for a happy ending! Whew! All that and now for the main event.
Linda says to write about a picture.
Well not only about … Here are her exact words: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “picture.” Write about, or theme your post on the first picture you see when you sit down to start writing. You don’t need to describe the picture necessarily–you can even put yourself in it if you’re not already there. Enjoy!
I knew the picture I would first see when I sat down to write #SoCS would be my desktop background. And I knew that picture was of baby girl. And I knew I would likely cry. Cuz well ya know, I have been a sentimental fool lately. This is it. The picture that melts my heart every time I see it. The picture that makes me wish that day could have lasted forever.
I have a bunch of blog drafts that I write but never release. The skeletons in my closet. In one of those drafts aptly title “Morbid Thoughts” is this picture and a note to use this picture if anything happens to her before me.
“Use for what?” you ask.
“You know” I say.
“That’s disturbed” you say.
And maybe it is disturbed. But life is fragile y’all … really it is and I worry on the daily. Mass shootings and FedEx bombs don’t make it any easier to remain calm. And now I am stopping … before this post gets even more maudlin.
Rules and Ping Back. Check out all the other posts.
As always, more to come.
Y’all I’m waxing philosophical today.
I’m seeing Love Simon in 20 minutes. This is an impromptu decision so I’ve got my big ole bag with me. I’ve chosen not to leave it in the car. I thought they’d check me cuz this theater does that.
The grandma in front on me had to remove items and show her stuff. Me? Well I walked on through. Guy laughed when I started to open my bag. He said you’re fine. Come on in.
I guess I am fine but how’d he know that? I’m privileged. So now what?
Makes me feel awful and super guilty. I’ve gotta make some changes. That’s all.
As always more to come.