Going Off The Rails

… on this crazy train.  By crazy train, I mean I am going to Food Town!

Read no further if you like me have issues with FOOD.

Fridays in Lent = no meat for me.  Of course the Pope gave us the go ahead to take a break this year.  Due to flu, etc… we need to eat.  Stay healthy.  Or so he was attributed to saying.  I have not verified but I am using what I was told as a get out of jail free card.  And I am running with the dispensation because I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

Food is my Newman for all you Seinfeld fans.

After my Valentine’s day liquid diet, I was all psyched to start over again.  Reset.

For a single day, I made good choices.

I usually start out good.  Then BAM!  An entire box of chocolates! Or an entire bag of chips!   Or breakfast, brunch, lunch, post lunch lunch, dinner, post dinner nosh and late night snacks.  Followed by a day of dry toast and water.

I needed permission to go off the rails and partaking in a liquid diet was it. Then guilt makes me abstain. The cycle is relentless.

I hope it does not take too long to get back to balanced.  I tell myself you’ve done it before, you can do it again.  Tomorrow is another day.  Beating myself up and playing what-if changes nothing.

Sorry to bring you into this mess.

But writing gets the thoughts out of my head and makes dealing easier.  You see I wrote this in lieu of my post lunch, lunch.  Instead I will have a sensible dinner.

As always, more to come.

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6 thoughts on “Going Off The Rails

  1. Theres a psychology to it, I think. Like trying to quit smoking, the moment we tell ourselves we ” can’t have” is the exact moment we want it more than ever. I tell myself that I can have a small amount of whatever I want and that I can have more later if I want. Seems to work for me by not restricting or telling myself that I “can’t have.” In fact, once I give myself permission, I usually don’t want the junk I wanted before. Lol Instead, I tell myself what I will do….I’ll take walks, be more active, drink more water and focus on that.
    No one has or is more cruel to me than I am to myself…I’ve learned that it simply makes things worse and can quickly become a habit, so I take time now to simply look at myself and focus on my good qualities. This kindness can become a habit too. Wishing you the best. 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Laura. This part right here – No one has or is more cruel to me that I am to myself … same here. I have learned not to say “bad” with respect to food. Used to be candy, cookies, soda were the devil. Now everything in moderation. I struggle more with the fasting part and could easily see myself back to being perpetually hungry. The feeling is empowering which is sick and twisted I know. Baby steps and one day at a time.

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      1. I can totally understand that. I’m starting a “new healthier lifestyle.” lol With that, I stopped smoking and started vaping. No tar, much less Nic. Not an easy being 56 and smoking since 13! But, it’s been taking back control of my life, my self and conquering my mountains. 😊
        P.S. love all that stuff! Haha

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Mary reminded me of the year when we had dinner at Red Lobster on Good Friday, because we couldn’t eat meat. She asked me “what’s wrong with this picture?”

    I have pretty much the same issues with food. Real good one day, then it’s like “what else can I eat?”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yep! Mary is onto something. Red Lobster is a special occasion kinda of place for us. Not much to give up. Sorry you’ve got the same issues. I am searching for happy medium. Everyday, I get to try again.

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