And So They Dance


The worst fight ever came with Robyn screaming of “I hate you!” “I will never forgive you!” “How could you say that?” “Never speak to me again”

Knowing enough not to fight back Peter said nothing.  He vowed to never speak of this matter to Robyn again.  He regretted the words the minute they passed his lips.  He had cut through her heart.  She was deeply wounded and it was his fault.

He drove them home, with her in the back seat sobbing.  Thinking about what the doctor said “not saying it does not make it NOT so Robyn”  “Peter loves you deeply and only wants the best” “Now we can tackle this head on”

He had betrayed her or at least that is how she saw it.  Only then did he realize how deep denial can go.  To a dark and empty place, a fertile ground for rage.

The next day was one neither would forget.  Robyn acted in retaliation with motives no one could understand.  Least of all her.  The human mind is quite complex.  Proving yet once again society can never really know anyone and that of which they are capable.

Fast forward to the 2nd anniversary of the doctor’s appointment which would always mark before and after.  Has it really been only two years?  Forever ago and yesterday in a blink of the eye.  Hard to believe last year they still lived it.  In the middle of making amends.  The aftermath.  How quickly one forgets.  How quickly people go back to the discomfort they know.

The problem that was the root cause of Robyn’s misdeed remains buried.  Never addressed.  At least not properly.  Peter has kept his vow of silence to never speak of it again.  Yet Robyn can read his mind.  A telepathy.  The only thing she wants is his forgiveness.  The only thing he cannot give her is forgetting.  And so they dance.




Lame Attempt At Poetry

The dam is about to break

I am about to crumble

All the pent of feelings

Will be released

And allow me to stumble

Fight the good fight they say

Nothing to worry about

But how does one know that

My mind is screaming

Forever churning

Too much thinking

Stop! Enough already

Get out of your head

And into the zone

Of peaceful meditation

That uplifts your soul

As always, more to come.

For 2/25/18 ~ Letter From A Friend ~ Blues Travelers

I am glad you are on the mend Helen.  It’s true being sick is the worst.  I’ve missed the worst of what’s going around this season.  Knock on wood.

I picked Blues Travelers Letter from a Friend. Writer(s): John C. Popper, Robert Vaughan Sheehan.

The only thing letter related is the title.  But the words are poignant and speak to me.  I hope you take comfort in the words as I do.

“Letter From A Friend”
Never a day goes by when I can’t see his face
And I can hear a thundering voice that no one will replace
But since he left you’ve been hiding out and I can understand
It seems to me about that time you should be coming back again

I can feel the pain
That won’t go away
We can’t change that he left us
But it’s up to you to stay

And I will make sense of it all
Gonna try to make sense of it all
You ask me why
‘Cause it’s all I can do
I miss him every day
But now I miss you

I know it hurts right now but you’ve got to keep moving on
And I know how good it can feel when you’re safe and withdrawn
But he can live in our memory and you don’t yet have that choice
‘Cause you’re still here and to speak to me you’re gonna have to use your voice

I ain’t telling you what’s right
And I ain’t telling you what’s wrong
But it’s he who has died
And it’s you who has gone

And I will make sense of it all
Gonna try to make sense of it all
You ask me why
‘Cause it’s all I can do
I miss him every day
But now I miss you

I know you’re thinking now you must go through this alone
But it’s time to come home

I can feel the pain
That won’t go away
We can’t change that he left us
But it’s up to you to stay

And I will make sense of it all
Gonna try to make sense of it all
You ask me why
‘Cause it’s all I can do
I miss him every day
But now I miss you

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

For those who’d like to join in or see what’s on tap here are the rules and pingback.

As always, more to come.

Beauty In The Eye of The Beholder

Jenna and Tim, theirs was a love that was supposed to last a lifetime until it didn’t.

Tim said she had changed and of course she had changed. But he had changed too. Just not in the same way.

She no longer believed she was worthy of love. And he cared what society thought. Unconditional love was impossible. What would people think?

She did everything to sabotage herself. She ate to fill the void that should not have been there in the first place.


Revile You Web MD

my own fault

I looked up Alendronate Sodium 70 mg

Ugh!  I have not started taking the meds yet and I am completely deer in the headlights not sure I should

Better living through chemistry J-Dub

ugh! that is not what that means

I am unable to get an appointment with the rheumatologist until April!

I guess I can manage one pill a week until then and see if I should continue even after but then again maybe not

I hate having choices

Rush! Free Will! from Permanent Waves:

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Ah sweet music takes my cares away

up up and away

far far away

As always, more to come

I’m Gonna Blame The Weather

I’m Gonna Blame The Weather for my sour mood.

I am paying bills today.  I am one of those oddities that still balances our checkbook.  Even though it is no longer a checkbook but a record of debit card transactions, bill pay services, transfers, deposits and only two maybe three actual checks per month.

I looked at the AT&T automatic payment and sacrebleu!  That is higher than I recall.  I decided to self-service manage my account and find ways to lower my bill.  I barely log in and up pops CHAT.  I use it because … well … you know they offered ….

I get a message the wait time is 3 minutes.  Really?  You approached me and not the other way around. But whatever.  I peruse around and realize the installment plans could be paid off with my bonus.  Screw it.  That is my bonus.  I want to use it for something else.

Then Nelson from AT&T joins me and is going to take a look-see.  He comes back offering a 10GB plan which means nothing to me and only $18 savings.  Uh, no thanks.  I tell him I am going to look around a bit more then log out.  That I may or may not pay off installment plans.  His response is priceless:

Thanks for stopping by.  Have a great day Jill.  Don’t forget to smile!

Uh, you did not just tell me that Nelson!  Now you poked the bear.  Lol!  And my stream comes full circle – I am gonna blame it on the weather.  F off Nelson.  I don’t wanna smile.  I wanna feel sorry for myself. But ok, you got me.  I am smiling despite what I just said.

As always, more to come.

#SoCS for 2/24/18 ~ Door

Time once again for #SoCS.  Come on in, the water’s fine.  Linda has given us our prompt and we’re ready to go!

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “door.” Write about a door you walked through this week that wasn’t your own. Enjoy!

Hmmm.  Ok.  Door.  Think, think, think!

This week was a weird one for me.  I had places to go and people to see.  I must’ve walked through more doors than I could shake a lamb’s tail at … shake a stick at … shake your tail feathers baby ala Blues Brothers cuz ya know I watched that on TV this week.  Nothing else good was on thank you Winter Olympics.  I am so over you.  I am ready to get back to my regularly scheduled programs.

Hello my name is J-Dub and I am addicted to TV!

What the heck is the origin of shake a lamb’s tail?  Isn’t it two shakes of a lamb’s tail?  So much for door.  That big wooden thing has closed.  I think I made all this lamb’s tail stuff up up and today no research.  Timer is set and I am truly streaming.  Yahoo!  Yahtzee! Bingo! Bunco!

Look up couch potato in the dictionary and there you will find me.  You know just lounging and watching TV. In my phat clothes.  So sue me.  No don’t sue me!  It wasn’t me I tell ya.

Hmmm, maybe the door that is not my own that I should’ve walked through this week was the gym!  Don’t let the gym door hit you where the good lord split you!  Lol! Have you lost your damn mind J-Dub? Well you know she has.  Sssshhhh.  Don’t tell her.  Let’s just pretend that this never happened.

Today’s ramble was brought to you by the frenetic mind of one J-Dub McGillicutty.  That’s me!  As always, more to come.

Rules and Ping Back

I Know It Is Gross So Don’t Look!!

Made you look!

My Eyes!!! My friend said to me.  I cannot unsee your burn.  That’s gross Jill.  No one wanted to see that.  So I said “well you know, there is this thing called scroll.  Slide on by mister.  Or quit following me/un-friend me for fuck’s sake”.

Uh yeah, you know I didn’t say that.  Instead I apologized.  I even almost deleted my post.

My intention was to warn would be oatmeal eaters in F cafe extension.

He said my intention was attention seeking. WTF but ya know … hmmm.  Maybe I was? kind of? sort of? not really!

I don’t want your attention!  I want free oatmeal for life from F cafe.  I want them to cater to my every need when I stroll on in there.  All hail princess J-Dub!

Pop! Bubble burst! Too bad 😦

Seriously folks.  Do you know what I thought when this happened?  First, shock at how bad it hurt.  Second, disbelief and just be calm.  Third, clean up the mess.  Fourth, pay for your oatmeal.  Fifth, go to the bathroom and run cold water on my hand.  Sixth, scratch that and instead haul ass to the nurse.

While in the room being seen, I was thinking that I deserved to be burned.  I was distracted.  I was rushing.  I was thinking mean thoughts.  This accident was something that was supposed to happen; telling me to slow my roll and take a chill pill. Telling me to be a better person.

Anyhoo, I will dispense with the pictures.  I am still taking a day by day snap in case I need evidence later.  You know for my free oatmeal case.  Maybe I will put up a final once I am healed?

As always, more to come.


The Middle Throwback to 2015

I wrote this preblog days for FB.  On 2/22/15 to be exact.

For the record, I have given up something non-edible for Lent for the last three years and/or added something good.  I have recently changed my stance on sarcasm.  Sarcasm can bring levity to tense, uncomfortable, stressful situations. This year, I am not talking about what I am doing for Lent, I am just doing it!  Anyhoo, without further ado, from the Middle:

For those who watch the Middle, the Sue and Darren storyline is a little familiar.  Except she said no and I said yes 😍

Our conversation while watching the playback went something like this …

B: “Lulu don’t get married in high school “

Lulu: “why not ?”

B: “you need to be independent first. Finish college”

Me: “yeah baby girl wait until the year after high school like me. Or maybe just learn from my mistakes”. 😍

Well I broke my Lenten promise again with sarcasm. When will I ever learn. Because it wasn’t a mistake. Not perfect of course. Perfection is an illusion. Yet it is still sunshine roses and rainbows around here. Laughter truly is the best medicine even when brought on by sarcasm.

Wishing everyone an incredible day. Make it a good one!!!

As always. more to come.

Day 2 – Not For The Squeamish

I waited til B was here to unveil. I told him it was probably nothing because it doesn’t hurt any longer. Here’s what day 2 looks like:

I do have a fairly high tolerance for pain. The nurse told me to alternate Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 hours but I didn’t. I took the Tylenol once and that was it. Bacitracin and Aloe worked best. Plus the human mind is amaze balls.

I disgustingly want to pop the blisters. They’re just gross. They need to go away.

The cafeteria manager replied to my report. How sorry he was. That they will continue to check the temp as they do now.

Pfft! Pretty sure they weren’t checking anything. I should feel better having reported it but I don’t. Maybe I expected free oatmeal for life. Lol!

As always more to come.