The Problem is one of Denial

Today a gentleman approached my friend and I as we left a Chinese restaurant. He was begging for money but only after he washed my car windows. He had a story as everyone does. He was suffering and I just drove away, losing a piece of my humanity.

Well I Got In

Well, I got in but what did I really get myself into? See post: Forbidden Site For Those With Anxiety

This FB group was recommended to me.  I read through the posts last night and now I feel even worse.  My champagne problems do not even come close.  Abuse, addiction, and money problems top the list.

I struggle with acknowledging that our troubles have no degree.  Because I think they do y’all.  I struggle with acknowledging that I am entitled to my feelings.  Perhaps I am but I definitely do NOT feel entitled to whine about them.

Would I want to trade places with anyone in this group?  No! not a chance.  And I am overwhelmed with guilt that some could take this post as me saying I am better off or somehow better than.  For no one is immune.

I’ve heard it said if we all threw our problems into a pile to pick and choose from, that when given the choice after seeing other peoples’ issues, we’d all take back our own.

The devil you know I guess.

As always. more to come.

Only In Private


Shelly kept an eye open every time she went out.  Didn’t matter the reason or place.  Validation could be hiding around every corner.  And validation she craved.

She was a shy sensitive child who grew into a doormat.  Always concerned with everyone else’s feelings. Forever the empath. This is how she got stuck in the place she was at now.

When Shelly met Mark sparks flew immediately.  They became quick friends first.  He loved to talk and she loved to listen.  The friendship blossomed. The small cocoon of their world allowed love to flourish.  He claimed her and she claimed him!

Their relationship was not destined to survive the real world however.  Everyone else had a say.  You’re too young.  Your backgrounds are too different.  Most often the comments were what could he possibly see in her?  She’s too round, plump, big, fat.

Those comments pelted her but she accepted her lot.  He loved her.  Had grown to love her deeply.  He would show that time and time again. But only in private.

You see Mark was a stand up guy.  He stayed no matter what, long past his change of heart.  Long past the loss of spark.  The comments pelted him too.  Could he do better?  His heart knew there was no one better.  If only people could see Shelly the way he could.  If only her image could be improved.

He thought long and hard about what he should do.  There was nothing tethering him to her.  Yet Mark was confused and acting out.  He made no move to leave.

And Shelly continued looking for examples of star crossed lovers who stood the test of time.  Real life examples of oddball pairings.  She knew validation could be hiding around every corner.  And validation she craved.