Hiding in Plain Sight

Hiding in plain sight or I am just not very observant. You be the judge.

B: The peach tree is blooming.

Me: Which one?

B: You really can’t tell?

Me: No looks like twigs.

B: The tree has blooms all over it, those blooms will become peaches.

Me: I only see two small blooms on the almond tree.  The peach tree looks bare from here.

B: Time for new glasses.

Well today when I got home from work and after I fed the pups, I walked directly up to the peach tree and just like B said, it is loaded with blooms.  The darker pink are the peaches and the mostly white with a tinge of pink are almonds.

Love this and hoping for a good crop.

As always, more to come


The Problem is one of Denial

Today a gentleman approached my friend and I as we left a Chinese restaurant. He was begging for money but only after he washed my car windows. He had a story as everyone does. He was suffering and I just drove away, losing a piece of my humanity.

Art by Rob Goldstein

When we learn to ignore the suffering of other people
we lose a piece of our humanity.

(c)Rob Goldstein 2018

I’m taking couple of days off to work on
a VR project.

I’ll be back on Wednesday.

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Well I Got In

Well, I got in but what did I really get myself into? See post: Forbidden Site For Those With Anxiety

This FB group was recommended to me.  I read through the posts last night and now I feel even worse.  My champagne problems do not even come close.  Abuse, addiction, and money problems top the list.

I struggle with acknowledging that our troubles have no degree.¬† Because I think they do y’all.¬† I struggle with acknowledging that I am entitled to my feelings.¬† Perhaps I am but I definitely do NOT feel entitled to whine about them.

Would I want to trade places with anyone in this group?  No! not a chance.  And I am overwhelmed with guilt that some could take this post as me saying I am better off or somehow better than.  For no one is immune.

I’ve heard it said if we all threw our problems into a pile to pick and choose from, that when given the choice after seeing other peoples’ issues, we’d all take back our own.

The devil you know I guess.

As always. more to come.

Only In Private


Shelly kept an eye open every time she went out.¬† Didn’t matter the reason or place.¬† Validation could be hiding around every corner.¬† And validation she craved.

She was a shy sensitive child who grew into a doormat.¬† Always concerned with everyone else’s feelings. Forever the empath. This is how she got stuck in the place she was at now.

When Shelly met Mark sparks flew immediately.  They became quick friends first.  He loved to talk and she loved to listen.  The friendship blossomed. The small cocoon of their world allowed love to flourish.  He claimed her and she claimed him!

Their relationship was not destined to survive the real world however.¬† Everyone else had a say.¬† You’re too young.¬† Your backgrounds are too different.¬† Most often the comments were what could he possibly see in her?¬† She’s too round, plump, big, fat.

Those comments pelted her but she accepted her lot.  He loved her.  Had grown to love her deeply.  He would show that time and time again. But only in private.

You see Mark was a stand up guy.  He stayed no matter what, long past his change of heart.  Long past the loss of spark.  The comments pelted him too.  Could he do better?  His heart knew there was no one better.  If only people could see Shelly the way he could.  If only her image could be improved.

He thought long and hard about what he should do.  There was nothing tethering him to her.  Yet Mark was confused and acting out.  He made no move to leave.

And Shelly continued looking for examples of star crossed lovers who stood the test of time.  Real life examples of oddball pairings.  She knew validation could be hiding around every corner.  And validation she craved.


#FlashFiction ~ Invisible

I gone and done did it.  After reading an article on a work related site, I took my FB app off my phone.  Then I wrote the following quick piece:

Robyn: If I go off social media, I will disappear.  Small consolation to the horrors of being alive.

Peter: Really? People are fighting for their lives right now and you? you take your good health for granted.

Robyn: Don’t you think I know that?¬† All those who struggle makes me feel guilty.¬† As for good¬†health, you have no idea. I’ve tried to explain this to you.¬† Mental illness does exist. But it is invisible! Even physical pain is not always visible.¬† I suffer in silence.

Peter:  Not today.  Broken record. Poor Robyn.  Woe is me.  You really need to get over it already.

Robyn: I am unravelling as we sit here. Don’t you see that?¬† Like I said, you have no idea.

End scene.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard this sentiment.¬† Makes me angry and sad at the same time. Screw ’em.¬† I had a therapist who used to tell me to do that … to say screw ’em and mentally prepare myself every time I was faced with negativity or really anything anxiety provoking that was beyond my control. For a brief time that helped until it didn’t.

As always, more to come.

Forbidden Site For Those With Anxiety

I tried to follow a site suggested to me which is all about tips to deal with anxiety.

I filled out the questions of which there were only three.

I have heard nothing back which of course feeds into my anxiety.

And here is where my mind goes as to why they have not contacted me:

  • my selfie profile scared them away
  • they can read my mind and know I am beyond hope
  • I am not worthy (Shwing – Wayne’s World, party on) lol!

More than likely, the request to follow is not manned 24/7 and it is ME not THEY who are are afflicted by the immediate response gene.

Yep, I said it … immediate response gene – IRG.¬† I am gonna patent that sH!t.¬† I am convinced this quirk is hard wired.¬† In my DNA.

Anyhoo. That is all.

I’ll let you know if I make the grade, the cut, or otherwise get in.

As always, more to come.

If Only …

If only

I had a second chance

I’d¬† go back to 2014

Before the bottom fell out

Before medication numbed 

But did nothing to cure her pain

Before the treatment

That was worse than the disease

Took hold and grew roots

The disease that is elusive and cunning

That you try to thwart 

As it blows right past

You do the best you can

With what you know at the time

Your best is good enough

Why can’t I believe that?

Because maybe that’s the lie I tell myself

To get through another day

As always, more to come

Catching Up On My Just Because Reading

I subscribe to a weekly email which brings forth links many articles.  The author who is really just the host had to get special permission from the keepers of communication  at the very conservative financial services firm for which I work.

Anyways, I have enjoyed this treat for a few years now.  I even have a rule in my Outlook account that sends these emails to a special folder.  I was three weeks behind when I decided that today I would catch up.

The articles do have to be business related and I do need to be aware of the world around me to be effective at my job.  If I just so happen to find something interesting on a personal level too, that is bonus. On that premise I made time to read.

First up, if you pay full price at self check out, you are a moron.  Initially I did not understand.  B and I always use self check out and we always pay full price.  We certainly are not morons.  Turns out 40% of folks who scan and self service their own goods STEAL.   What else does one call adding in a code for chuck instead of prime or putting lower price barcodes over the original.  I mean come on.  Who does like that?  I guess I am really naive.  No guessing.  I am.

But that’s just wrong.

As always, more to come.

Yep! My Stupidity Haunts Me

I am airing out my wound having just snapped the day 4 record of what will be now be known as my Thursday burn.¬† Things look worse y’all.¬† I know I am not a doctor, I just play one by Googling WebMD but I think I may just have to make a workman’s comp claim.

All but one blister popped and that one got bigger.¬† I fear infection could set in.¬† Such a deep red color, purplish red.¬† Hard to tell what is really happening.¬† I guess I should have gone to someone other than the nurse.¬† She was good … excellent really … in my time of need.¬† However even she said flat out that she could not diagnose me.

Pros – no pain and it could be worse.

Cons – I ain’t got time for this sH!t.

Yep! My Stupidity Haunts Me.

As always, more to come.