Because I’m Accountable 

Because I’m accountable to my co workers as part of an exercise challenge at work, I’m moving again.  The goal is 6000 minutes by 11/27 between the eight of us. We’ve got 2750ish minutes so far as of the start of week two. Woo hoo.  

Anyhoo.  I was originally going to take today off. B had an appointment. Then late yesterday he got a text to reschedule.  Doc’s flight had been delayed and he was stuck overseas. B is now scheduled for Thursday. 

Anyhoo part two.  My routine was off.  I was out of sorts and needed to walk it off.  Ya know to keep from crying 😢.  And if you really wanna know how to keep from crying, trust me you don’t.  Tears flowing release stress.  

Speaking of stress. Here is the dialogue from the show I watched while I walked it off.  

Guy: I don’t drink.  I don’t smoke.  I eat fish and lots of fruits and vegetables.  I exercise daily and I haven’t eaten ice cream in six years. Why am I the one who had a heart attack?

Girl: Stress caused your heart attack. 

Guy: I don’t feel stress. 

Girl: Yes you do. 

Insert J-Dubs two cents. You’ve gotta let it out.  Aaaaaaahhhh.  Calgon take me away.  Guess what bloglandia? You’re my stress relief ❤️ 🎃 😎

Scents of Childhood

B: Jill really? (Points to TV tray)

Me: what?

B: That’s three days of orange peels. 

Me: I do that on purpose. 

B: You do not.  

Me: I do!  Orange peels smell good. 

B: Not anymore. 

B (continued): You sure you’re not just being lazy?

Me: Not this time. Hehe 😉 

My mom used to make a concoction with orange peels, cinnamon, and cloves.  I never got her recipe but I’m the diffusing queen.  Close enough and I do have a few good memories.  

Phone Call Continues

Dr. AB Ce: Mr. Free (his attorney) is trying to get him out and back to his group home.  I am trying to verify what he told me.  Do you know his diagnosis?

Jenny: Yes, childhood schizophrenia.  He heard voices, mainly Jackie Turner, a race car driver, played off as an imaginary friend.  Our mother covered up everything.  We only found out the official diagnosis after she died.

Jenny: (holding back tears) Benjy’s caseworker told my dad and me the extent of Benjy’s disabilities.  We sat in stunned disbelief.  I talked to my mom every day.  She never mentioned it.  Dad kept saying Are you SURE you didn’t know? 

In a whisper, she never said anything.

Jenny:  Shortly after that meeting, Benjy went into the system.  There was nothing in River Town.  Capital City is more progressive. You know the slogan … keep Capital City strange.

Dr. AB Ce: (laughing) We are very bongos.  Anything else?  Besides schizophrenia?  How are his faculties?  Has he ever sustained a brain injury?

Jenny:  Hmm Let’s see.  He can’t read or write.  He was hit by a bus.  Knocked him out of his shoes.  He had a concussion.  His hip was never the same.  He was always very clumsy.  He had special shoes and leg braces as a kid.

Jenny: (continuing) I think his birth mother was a drug addict or alcoholic.  My aunt said as much and Mom quit talking to her.  He didn’t walk until well past two.  Did I mention the corrective shoes? I am sorry I’m repeating myself.

Dr. AB Ce: Wait! He’s adopted? Hold on Jenny.

Jenny doesn’t hear Benjy, but she knows he is there. She hears Aww, that’s okay, don’t worry.  You’re doing fine. 

Dr. AB Ce: He just told me he’s sorry he forgot he was adopted.

Mental Illness is Not a Halloween Costume

Sue writes “If you want to dress up like a person with mental illness, wear normal clothes.” I agree. May also be part of why they call it the invisible illness. I am a little loose with my word choices too but only when I am referring to myself. I need to ponder that one for a bit.

My Loud Whispers of Hope

One year, when my oldest daughter was about ten years old, she dressed up like a cereal killer. When she told me about her idea, I loved it and thought it was a very clever and creative idea. I loved the play on words, cereal killer versus serial killer.

We made her costume to look like she was a box of cereal and then added a lot of blood, maybe too much blood. We were having fun and may have gotten a bit carried away with adding too much blood. I helped turn her into a scary, gory and ghoulish looking box of cereal. I thought she looked great and I was proud of her creative idea. I love creativity.

So the bad mom that I unknowingly was at that time for letting my daughter dress like this, sent my cute little daughter out onto the streets to go trick…

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Tips To Keep From Crying

  1. Put a tack in your shoe.  
  2. Meditate. 
  3. Face the issue head on. 
  4. Walk it off. 

Ouch, a tack in the shoe is for passing a lie detector test and might actually bring more tears 😭 

Meditation works but I can’t drop everything right now. 

Walk it off!   Yes! But of course today is rainy.  I’m sugar; I will melt.  

This people pleasing non confrontational neurotic mess (PPNCNM) prefers to be an ostrich.  So much for ISFJ and Myers Briggs. I’m so freaking tired 😓 y’all. In my head too much and likely making stuff up!  Likely not!   All my crazy assumptions are true! No ass of u and me.  

Though I do feel better having written this mini feel sorry for me ploy. Gets the noise out of my head. Maybe write the feelings out should be #5?

Happy Halloween 🎃