Moods Are Like The Texas Weather

Moods Are Like The Texas Weather … give them a minute and they’ll change.  

Haha!  Not fucking funny.  

I’m emotionally drained.  Still looking for silver linings.  Not for me.  For sonshine.  As he rattled off the list of crap that they’ve been through since January, I flinched.  Ouch! We knew about these events as they occurred but didn’t realize the aggregate until today.  Yet he can laugh about today’s events so laugh we did.  Even B threw some Snark.  

Laughter truly is the best medicine.  I’m reminded of B asking what he did to deserve the fresh hell he went through with the fall.  My reply then and now is

You did Nothing to deserve this!  Sometimes shit just happens!

Life is not fair.  Our good or bad fortune is not proportionate to that of someone else.  I backed off from this stance a bit so as not to diminish someone else’s feelings but it helps me to recognize things could be worse.  I’m not saying his bad luck doesn’t suck.  It fucking sucks.  But it could be worse.  

I’m better now having talked to him.  Texts are so impersonal.  Hearing his voice made all the difference.  He’ll be okay.  Maybe not today but eventually.  

And me I got nothing other than the guilt for living my blessed life.  I’m so not worthy.  A co-worker reached out tonight.  Out of the blue.  She said it was weird but she just knew she needed to check in with me.  How awesome is that!   Now I’m verklempt.  Talk amongst yourselves.  

As always more to come. 

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More from Hourglass Time, Memory, Marriage by Dani Shapiro

Two good ones today.  Hopefully my two cents don’t tarnish the goodness. 

1. It steadies me to tell these things

The swirling thoughts are constant and getting it out helps immensely.  Most days I hold back.  Even while most days I’d prefer to shout from the mountain tops. 

2. Where does hope go when it vanishes?

Whoever answers that is the winner.  Hope is all we have some days … a life raft in the ocean of life.  

Out damn spot

Yes I’m all Lady Macbeth today.  Trying to stay positive.  Whatever happens is beyond my control.  I’ll pick up the pieces.  Who knows? Maybe I won’t have any pieces to pick up?  Historically things are never as bad as imagined anyway.  Using all the tips to relieve the anxiety without spiraling out of control.  

Aaaaaahhhhhh.  Calgon take me away.  

For October 5, 2017