National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call 1-800-273-8255. Available 24 hours everyday
Her regular therapy appointment ended and we were leaving for school and work.
Lulu: I don’t want to take the stairs, let’s wait for the elevator
Conversation as we wait for the elevator and continuing once we enter the elevator
Lulu: I don’t want to go to school today
Me: I have to get to work
Lulu: I can’t go to school, take me home and stay with me; you can work from home
Me: What happened? You just talked to H. The school year just started and you’ve already missed days
Lulu: She’s not helping me, talking to her makes things worse
Then Lulu slides down the wall of the elevator in a full-blown panic attack.
In hindsight, I should have taken her home and let her skip school. Made a day out of playing hooky. Instead we went back inside. Then they asked two questions to determine next steps.
H: Lulu, you already told me you do not have thoughts of suicide, has that changed?
Lulu: I don’t know.
H: Do you have a plan?
Lulu: Kind of … I know where my dad keeps the key for the gun safe.
What? The world came to a halt; I did not comprehend what I was hearing. We sat in the office on a sofa … both of us crying. H had brought in her supervisor and both women are calling around looking for places to take Lulu. B was out of town. I was leaving messages.
Same as with trying to make an appointment to see someone, finding help is hard to come by. Finally success. H finds a place. We drive ourselves over and are immediately seen.