My mom would have been 85 years old today. But she died on January 25, 1998. The anniversary of her death brings up a multitude of emotions. Yet I have decided (and my mind has the power to choose) I will not be sad. I am not going to throw a party either. Maybe I should though? All I know for sure is this one fact:
I miss my mommy.
I know the two of us didn’t corner the market on complex but ours was a twisted relationship. I think if you look up co-dependent in the dictionary, you’d see our pictures and names. For years I was angry with her and this was AFTER she had died. Too much left unsaid thanks to the passive aggressive dance we did. Still no one and nothing can replace your momma.
I’m not quite sure why I invariably expect perfection from myself and from those closest to me. How maddening I must be! And why do the men in my life get a free pass? My daddy, B, Pony PERFECT in my eyes. Not your candy-ass perfect either: Rose colored glasses, rainbows, and unicorn exquisiteness! The girls, well poor Lulu she didn’t stand a chance. Yet I know in my rational mind, perfection does NOT exist. I’ve got issues that I am working on this is true. Another fabulous CBT session yesterday. Patched me right up and gave me more work to work!
And because of that, I remind myself:
We are all perfectly flawed humans
Perfection is overrated anyway.
As always, more to come.