And then there were four

I said I would not write anything new until I cleaned out my virtual closet. I never should’ve made a promise I can’t keep.  I’ve got four drafts left.  This post is new. Duh 🙄.  Just seeing if you’re awake.  

One is just a place where I uploaded a bunch of mismatched pictures for safe keeping until … well until I need a picture. I could use my media library but that’s getting full. 

Two is a personal story that is not mine to tell.  I copied over verbatim from a FB post with the intention of sharing because the family wanted to spread the word. I just couldn’t hit publish then and as I re-read now I feel exactly the same. Like a voyeur invading privacy.  Number two will stay in the closet. 

Three is a scathing rant against my arch nemesis.  Who is also called not my mother. It’s long and winding and would probably bore the pants off you. If you even made it to the end that is.  I can’t delete the post and I can’t hit publish either.  Well PANTS!!! Hahaha PANTS the new bollocks and sacrebleu.  Three stays put too. 

Four is really good y’all with a potential to piss people off or have them cheering.  My thoughts about the state of America.  Written in November but with a universal theme that could be about any current event really.    Decisions, decisions.  Until I work up the nerve, in the closet four stays.  

However, now that I have everything nice and neat, I will keep it that way.  I will not  be getting back up to 27. I will stay at four  and housekeep every weekend instead of every 10 months.  

Well, as I close this post, I hear the sounds of the house coming back to life.  Or should I say the inhabitants of the house? I’m tearing up with gratitude.  How the hell did I ever get this lucky?   Best not to question and just relish the moments like these. 

My sweet darling Lulu has left her cave and she’s puttering around in the kitchen.  She’s cooking tonight.  See what happens when you just shut your mouth and give her space.  

Note to self: J-Dub shut your mouth more often. 🤐🤣🤓

As always, more to come.

Protest Play by Play Part Deuce

Well … I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats after having read pre-protest prepping and part Uno Protest Play by Play

Awaiting my verdict … Which is guilty as charged

Guilty of being all that

And a bag of chips

And of course I MUST drag this on

A story is not complete without some flourish

Setting: Bexar County Appraisal District (BCAD)

Cast of characters:  ME – J-Dub, two couples: one elderly and one middle aged, one single lady (Beyonce song now on a loop in my brain) and patrolman in uniform.

I enter like a Looney Tunes’ Tasmanian Devil after parking albeit in a place I should not have parked … which was at the vascular clinic across the street because there were no spaces to be had in the BCAD parking lot.  I did not want to be late because heaven forbid I miss my chance.  I check in and immediately start chatting it up with the cast of characters.  I do that when I am nervous and I was nervous.

We cracked the code fairly quickly.  Once someone from the back went to the window, they got a packet and a name was called and back you went.  The time they give you is only a window.  One is taken back based on time of check-in.  Two folks got into a little scuffle when a 9:45 appointment went back before a 9:30 appointment. I was tempted to leave more than once. But I am no quitter.

The hearing is in front of a panel.  The panel is comprised of three community members.  Regular Joe’s and Josette’s.  And one BCAD employee.

Wait! Actually I may just need to leave you in suspense

I signed settlement agreement after all

Or, this house is clean as the Poltergist medium – Zelda would have said

Did you know?

• The world is small.  I mean really tiny. Turns out I went to school with the BCAD employee who heard my case.  8th grade class of 1979!  Woo Hoo St. Margaret Mary Eagles.
• Turns out one of the panel members knows a friend of my in-laws.

Anyhoo, suspense is over!  We won!  Now just how much this lowers our actual taxes remains to be seen.

As always, more to come.

 

 

Little Pockets of Nice

The delay in getting Lulu into a room was stressful.  After we were kicked out of recovery, we went over to Guillermo’s to grab a bite to eat.  About 3/4 of the way through our meal, we get the call to come back.  We hurry over (because that is my only speed).  Billy Bob knew there was no need to rush but he humored me.

We are packed as if we are going on an expedition (her backpack, my bag and books, flowers and balloon we had just purchased from the hospital gift shop). B steps into the restroom.  I am trying to hold everything.  Heavy. Requiring me to kneel down.  What a sight I must have been!

A gentleman walks by and he thinks I am doubled over in grief or pain.  He stops what he is doing, puts his hand on my shoulder, and asks how he can help me? And like that, a human touch calmed me.  And I am reminded that despite all that is going on in the world, little pockets of nice exist.  We need more of that.

As always, more to come.

Music Has Charms To Soothe The Savage Breast

And that is no typo or so I have learned when trying to cite the author.  I thought Shakespeare wrote it but I was wrong.  I thought it was beast not breast and that was wrong too.  This proverb comes from the play The Mourning Bride, by William Congreve, an English author of the late seventeenth and early eighteenth centuries.

And now that we’re done with our lesson of the day, here’s a quick story of how I was surprised. Then there is that technology thing again … steps forward, steps back.

I always charged by phone on an electrical outlet until I learned you can charge through the PC.  Who knew?  Not me obviously.  When I did this recently my phone automatically starting syncing with iTunes.  Yipee!! means more music to enjoy and a throw back from the past. You see I have not used iTunes in years.  I was like a kid in the candy store and then I realize “Hey! these are not my songs!” Well they were … some were but several were selected by Pony.  He and I used to share an account and even little Lulu used the account too.

Bonanza!  Not the TV show, the exclamation!  I was heavy with U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Maroon Five – I must have been going through a phase :).  Pony had Mitch Hedberg – comedy album and Anthrax.  Lulu picked Panic! at the Disco, Marina and the Diamonds and Foster the People.  Enjoy some Helena Beat ❤

As always, more to come.

 

Carnival

Originally written 10 months ago in October of 2016.  Seems fitting I post this now as I recently found out that my grade school is closing this year forever ending the fall carnival.

A slight little change in the weather with another cool front for the weekend sounds fabulous.   Makes me nostalgic.   Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year.

I have fond memories of my school carnival always the last Saturday of October rain or shine.  Fish pond, cake walk, haunted house.  We donated cupcakes – Always Duncan Hines – devils food, chocolate icing and candy pumpkin on top.  I think I’ll bake a batch this weekend to give away.  I am on the wagon but all in moderation if I donate multiple people can have a taste.

As always, more to come.

Miracles

In my heart of hearts, the opposite of anything I ever said is what I believe to be true. Miracles do happen, lightning can strike twice, why not?!?!?!  But what are the odds?  I only ever said anything to protect anyway … to not fall too hard and get in so deep that the inevitable ending hurts or wounds beyond repair.  In this short-sightedness, some things in the now that could have been sweet were tarnished.  And recently I realize that acceptance of potential hurt is how one can experience true bliss.

In the bigger scheme of things, I am trying to make things right.  I know that I cannot control/prevent/protect myself anyway.  But oh how I want to … to control and it is in this dysfunctional need that I will seek to find assistance.  Confession is good for the soul.  And I have done that.  But I still need help to gain acceptance of all that I cannot control.  I need to accept so that I can truly forgive … forgive myself for the things I have said and done.  If only I could have a do over.  In absence of that, I will take the next best thing … to more forward.

As Always, More to Come.

 

Cleaning My Virtual Closet

Cleaning my virtual closet …

the place where I keep my drafts.  I have 27 of them.  And I keep adding on.  Then I decided what better to do on this rainy day than to clean up.  And since I am in no mood to physically clean anything; I will waste away hours online and either delete or post what I have saved.  Some of these drafts are over a year old.  Wonder if they will stand the test of time.  I bet most go into the virtual trash can.

Anyway, I am starting now.  This will be my last new post until my closets are clean.

Sing Along Song Of The Day With Some Musing Added In

The title was on a loop in my brain.  Despite no connection to the premise of the song, it fits as we are figuratively climbing the walls today.  Weather affects the mood like nothing else.  Some skeptics say:

“Naw, your mood is not from the weather.  That seasonal depression stuff is questionable and IF seasonal depression does exist then it really only affects those close to the equator”

Uh ya, I failed geography.  What’s living by the equator got to do with the price of tea in China???  J-Dub, C’mon girl, get a grip.  Being stuck in this house has really done a number on you.

Rationally I know I am responsible for my mood … me, myself and U.  Uhm, Well I mean I … me, myself and I.  U is a Freudian slip from when I used to blame the world for my problems.  Actually I never blamed the world; I really only ever blame myself.

Anyhoo like boxers in the ring we are ordered by the referee to our respective corners.

CORNER NUMBER ONE

Lulu: nothing personal but I can’t be around people right now.  I am going to be in my room all day.

Me: it’s not personal baby girl unless you make it personal.  We LOVE you.

And this time I am not freaking out.  She needs space … she hasn’t done this all summer.  She forced herself to remain in our company; like a fish in a fishbowl.  I am not going to be fatalist.  Though we are approaching the 3rd anniversary of the terrible awful.  Nope, say it with me, she just needs space.

CORNER NUMBER TWO

Billy Bob pops around the corner … hovering in the doorway …

Me: What?

B: I’m bored sitting in the house

Me: Ya me too but what are we gonna do?  You wanna run around in the rain?

10 minutes later

B: I’m putting on my rain gear and going out to go see what I can do about that tree.

Me: Really?  That’s not even OUR tree.  Is <neighbor’s name> even out there?

B: No but I am just going to look.

Me: Ugh, Well don’t hurt yourself.  All you need is a branch to fall.  Protect your eyes.

B: If it happens, it happens.

That’s a good attitude.  I should take a cue from the mister.  Did I ever mention he went to two therapy sessions after his accident and was CURED!  Yep, therapist told him to say fuck it to everything outside of his control.  He does that and it works!  WTF.  I say fuck it too and then my flipping mind goes into hyper overdrive.  Not fair!

CORNER NUMBER THREE

My cozy corner.  I’m flashing back to the 60s, listening to the Animals and other assorted groups, venturing into the 70s.  Using music to cure what ails me.  Waiting for “normal” to resume.

I hope your day is fairing well.  Still praying for those affected by that bastard Harvey.  As always, more to come.