Three Weeks  

J-Dub's Confessions, Notes From Therapy

Time has a way

Of making one feel

That all is unreal 

I’m dreading the day

Impending doom

Is coming soon

In my mind

Time has a way 

Lame attempt at poetry to kick the blues to the curb but it’s not working.  You see I thought we had all this time.  And we did at first.  But it is gone.  Plans changed.  Forcefully. Repurposed.  Dreams dashed.  Holding on to what used to be or denial or both?   

I know in my heart of hearts there is never a good time.  Sometimes the band aid just has to be ripped off while the chips fall where they may. 
I’m not as sad as her first semester but I’m still wishing for more time before she leaves me again.  I’m still wishing she’d change her mind and stay.  She’s determined even knowing what she knows. What she won’t say out loud.  

I’m praying things will go well.  No reason to assume they won’t. Still I worry.  So I pray 🙏

As always, more to come. 


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I Love Music But I’m A Cheap Bastard 

Life

Doh! I called myself a name.  Not nice J-Dub.  Talking in third person is irritating and quite frankly scary.  Don’t worry about me folks.  I’m just high … yes I said high.  Just like Clarice in Steel Magnolias. 

What?!?!? I wait for it as an intervention is being planned.  

But alas.  I’m high on LIFE ❤️

Please do not intervene. 

Eventually the title will become crystal as in clear but until then are you ready for some rambling and some musing?   

Today I took a walk. Yep just before 9 am. Just before it got too hot.  All the way to CVS on Commerce.  Some 3000 steps round trip.  Mind you I haven’t walked like I’m supposed to since March.  Too hot is my canned excuse.  Today I had a purpose and off I went. 
Well the good Lord was shining down on me.  This was every intersection.  

When I got to CVS, R greeted me like an old friend!  “Hello Jill, welcome back!” Always with “good bye and have a great day!”  

Next I decide to stop at Starbucks to use my gift card.  

Shout out and thanks for the tea! She who shall remain nameless.   I’m giving em hell don’t you worry 😂. 

Starbucks on EHouston is always packed thanks to the tourists.  Actually not just the tourists but a very diverse clientele. 

The line is long.  The tunes are blasting and you know I’m grooving along.  The barista is singing so I join in.  Uh ya I did.  Lol.  Taylor Dayne, the barista and J-Dub tell it to my heart as those in line wish they were us.  Lol!   Too fun.  

Grab my drink and back To work I go.  

New topic: I’m borrowing my father in law’s car. You all know him as mister Internet. Why? Well Lulu got the doctor’s release and needs to practice driving again.  

I love his car and we are very grateful he lends it to us. Anytime… for as long as we need it.   

The only draw back is no XM satellite radio. Sure backing camera and blind spot protectors of the car Lulu uses are nice but the music is what I miss most! Popo had the station tuned to FM 101.  No DJs messing it up.  Mostly music on the morning commute.  Not the newer stuff but still good.  Wide variety.  Nice to know every word. I could get used to this. 

New Topic: We’re really doing this!  Buying land.  We’ve got to save money.  Well we have been but we need more.  It’s never enough.  I’ll cancel Dishnet.  I’ll cancel XM. I’ll hock whatever can be hocked. Hells yeah. That XM sH!t is expensive.  How’d I ever get talked into spending hundreds of dollars 💵 on air?   I love ❤️ music 🎶 but I’m a cheap bastard. 

As always, more to come. 

Thursday Motivation

Life

On meeting the financial planner:

Can’t imagine doing what you do everyday (meaning battling cancer)

A snarky part of me thinks, Well, likewise – but I’m immediately grateful for this kind man and his clarity and his handshake and his ability to do long multiplication in his head and his bright office full of stacks of spreadsheets carefully plotting out the future.

From The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs