Hindsight is 20/20

This post pulled over from FB was written five years ago today. June 5, 2012.

Lulu is AWESOME!!! Just got home and she says “go look in your closet, bedroom and bathroom cabinet” She had cleaned up/out all three places, spring cleaning at its’ finest. She did her own room too and tomorrow she tackles the office!!! All this without me even asking! LOVE our baby girl 🙂

It is only in hindsight that I look back and realize I missed the signs. The obsessive behavior. That has lead to other obsessive behavior. What 14 year old would clean without prompting? Now the guilt sets in. Would things be different if I knew then what I know now?  

So many things I said and did made matters worse.  Exactly like they say, your kids are watching and listening your every move.  I was a huge influence on her.  I never knew. If only, …

Then I tell myself enough!  You did the best you could.  Maybe things would have been even worse!  The past is the past and all you can do is move forward.  Wallowing in self pity truly serves no purpose.  I’m not the sun or the moon, I can’t control the universe.  Letting go no matter what may come is for the best.  Now if only I believed that. 

As always more to come. 


5 thoughts on “Hindsight is 20/20

  1. But you did do the best you could do. How do I know, you ask? Because you feel guilty about it now. If you didn’t feel guilt then I would say, well, you probably could have done better but the guilt shows how you love her then and now. It’s called being a good mom, and that is you, A GOOD MOM :):)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Margaret. I see her hurting and I can’t take away the pain. It’s unrealistic to keep blaming myself for that which is beyond my control. Knowing it and believing it are two different things. Guilt is soul crushing I tell you that. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy. Lately they bring me physical pain. Then a little part of my mind whispers maybe the physical pain is the cause of the mental anguish? All intertwined and somehow connected.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was thinking the same thing about knowing it and believing are worlds apart. Yes, that physical pain can be caused by the mental anguish. The body will do what it can to get that mental pain out. It wants it gone. Kind of like when you have a flu, and the sweats, snot(sorry tmi) are all ways to get the “poison” out of your system. So yes your body will find a way to get that mental “poison” out of your system.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Never TMI where I’m concerned 😂. I have a session this afternoon that will fix me right up. Usually when I’m about to hit the wall … talk time rolls around.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s