Time Warp Continues

Today, June 2nd, 2017 in the year of our Lord is one week post-op for Lulu.  In some ways this past week feels like a lifetime has passed very slowly before my eyes and in others ways this past week feels like a New York minute.  Blink!

<Rabbit hole, side note: this is the five year anniversary of our first ever trip to NYC – Fleet Week. Memorial Day weekend 2012>

Lulu has made it through the worst and is just waiting for pathology results.  My worry has subsided but there’s still a twinge of what if/what’s next.  Stop it! J-Dub.  Your mind needs a time out. Bad, bad mind.

In quiet moments, I have convinced myself that if the results were not good, we would know something by now.  In our litigious society, Doctors have to tell us the bad news right away.  Because of our experience with this, we have heard countless stories of the dreaded phone call or being asked to wait instead of being sent home.  This feels different.

Waiting is still torture.  Time ticking away.  In the end, Life is unpredictable and sometimes despite the best of care, bad stuff still happens.  I anticipate the bad stuff.

How are we doing while we wait?  

Lulu?  She’s up and down and all around.  I still have not see any tears, not “real” tears. You know as opposed to “fake” tears.   She WAS scared and nervous.  Not any longer.  She IS upset but not for reasons one might think.  More angst about her summer being ruined.  All those plans.  Poof!  Gone.  I have to remind myself there is no “right” way to react.  She is entitled to those feelings even as those feelings are vastly different from my own.

Me? I am feeling guilt and remorse.  Prior to this time we had been fighting a lot and this summer was going to be a lay down the law, come to Jesus summer.  Discussions about attitudes, spending, etc…  Now I cannot do that or I’d be pegged a heartless shrew.  There is a time and place for everything.  Eventually, the discussions will be had.

Billy? He took off this week from work and was going to stay off indefinitely.  Change of plans.  He goes back to work Monday.  That’s not what you want to know though right?  How is he feeling????  Well, it is hard to say with the mister.  He keeps his feelings close to the vest.  On the outside, he is even keel keeping the ship from sinking.  Thank goodness that opposites attract.  We (especially me) would all be in a world of hurt without him.

And on that note, welcome the weekend.  Much needed relief.

As always, more to come.

3 thoughts on “Time Warp Continues

  1. Don’t be hard on yourself. The time will come for all the conversations. They were needed, it’s not like you were just being malicious. You were going to have those conversations because they were needed for you and her. But again the time will come. So flush that guilt, don’t let it steal the joy that she has come through the surgery, and is healing. Praying you have a wonderful weekend, and as always can’t wait for more to come :):)

    Liked by 1 person

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