Time Warp Continues

Today, June 2nd, 2017 in the year of our Lord is one week post-op for Lulu.  In some ways this past week feels like a lifetime has passed very slowly before my eyes and in others ways this past week feels like a New York minute.  Blink!

<Rabbit hole, side note: this is the five year anniversary of our first ever trip to NYC – Fleet Week. Memorial Day weekend 2012>

Lulu has made it through the worst and is just waiting for pathology results.  My worry has subsided but there’s still a twinge of what if/what’s next.  Stop it! J-Dub.  Your mind needs a time out. Bad, bad mind.

In quiet moments, I have convinced myself that if the results were not good, we would know something by now.  In our litigious society, Doctors have to tell us the bad news right away.  Because of our experience with this, we have heard countless stories of the dreaded phone call or being asked to wait instead of being sent home.  This feels different.

Waiting is still torture.  Time ticking away.  In the end, Life is unpredictable and sometimes despite the best of care, bad stuff still happens.  I anticipate the bad stuff.

How are we doing while we wait?  

Lulu?  She’s up and down and all around.  I still have not see any tears, not “real” tears. You know as opposed to “fake” tears.   She WAS scared and nervous.  Not any longer.  She IS upset but not for reasons one might think.  More angst about her summer being ruined.  All those plans.  Poof!  Gone.  I have to remind myself there is no “right” way to react.  She is entitled to those feelings even as those feelings are vastly different from my own.

Me? I am feeling guilt and remorse.  Prior to this time we had been fighting a lot and this summer was going to be a lay down the law, come to Jesus summer.  Discussions about attitudes, spending, etc…  Now I cannot do that or I’d be pegged a heartless shrew.  There is a time and place for everything.  Eventually, the discussions will be had.

Billy? He took off this week from work and was going to stay off indefinitely.  Change of plans.  He goes back to work Monday.  That’s not what you want to know though right?  How is he feeling????  Well, it is hard to say with the mister.  He keeps his feelings close to the vest.  On the outside, he is even keel keeping the ship from sinking.  Thank goodness that opposites attract.  We (especially me) would all be in a world of hurt without him.

And on that note, welcome the weekend.  Much needed relief.

As always, more to come.

When you almost faint, you get extra snacks 


June 2, 2017 at 9 AM was¬†the original surgery date and time for our sweet Lulu. ¬†¬†Instead, we are very relieved to be one week post-op.. ¬†In early May, before all this went down,¬†I had agreed to donate blood. ¬†I never cancelled and somehow it seems serendipitous that I was still able to¬†keep my commitment. ¬†There’s a desperate need in the community. Plus I figure if baby girl can take the pain of surgery, I can take a little needle stick.

My appointment was for 9:30 but due to planning SNAFU, they were not set up. ¬†They asked me to return at 10:00 and I did. ¬†They were surprised that I came back and thanked me saying “we were sure we would never¬†see you again”. ¬†

This experience¬†was different. ¬†Tech drew a mark on where he was going to insert the needle. ¬†“Uh, really” I say ¬†“Are you NEW?” He asked if he could “go deeper” and I say “no, that hurts and this isn’t supposed to¬†hurt” Then I say “oh hell go as deep as you need to to get me out of here”. ¬†Hmmm, maybe I should try to write the next 50 shades novel. ¬†Lol! ¬†I know, not funny and I should not quit my day job. ¬†I blame the loss of a pint of blood for my silliness.

In reality, it didn’t hurt. ¬†Though the process did seem¬†very slow and surreal. ¬†I could not get my music to play. ¬†They were blaring¬†country music. ¬†The girl who checked me in kept saying how she loved this song, then the next, then the next. ¬†Yuck! ¬†My least favorite music.

After all was said and done, I became very pale and started shaking. ¬†Then I started sweating. ¬†I was already reclining but went back one notch further. ¬†Then I got an ice pack full on under my shirt on my chest. ¬†They told me to eat the Chex mix because the sodium would help me. ¬†I didn’t¬†feel like eating anything but I nibbled and don’t you know it, the snacks helped. ¬†No T-Shirt this time. ¬†Bummer :(. ¬†Finally they sent me away with this bag full of goodness … more Chex mix and assorted snacks to the rescue.

As always more to come.