Nerves were flying all day yesterday. BF to the rescue to take her mind off “things”
After he left, Lulu asks me “did you hear how nervous I was?” I reply “I didn’t hear everything”. After all I was in the room across the hall, door closed and still working.
And in fairness, that’s true. I only heard bits and pieces. I just didn’t correct her once I realized she assumed I hadn’t heard anything and she spared me.
She’s been doing that her whole life. She takes on the weight of the world. And of course she’s scared but you only feel it. Her fear is invisible. Except with him.
The conversation went something like this:
Lulu: I haven’t slept since I found out I have this cyst
Him: you’ll sleep again when this is over
Lulu: I know but for now it sucks. I’m worried
Him: what’s the worst that can happen, you’ll lose an ovary?
Lulu: no, the worst is I lose everything and become a dude!
Him: that’s NOT going to happen
Lulu: I could and my crazy grandma keeps telling me I can still have children. That’s the last thing on my mind right now
Him: just think you don’t need an ovary to have a puppy. One day we’ll have Edgar
Edgar as in Edgar Allan pug. The dog they’d like to get.
And she laughed. More than once. Laughter we don’t often hear from her as she is super reserved. After that I lost track of the conversation.
She’s completing her pre-op. It’s getting close. “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream” EAP
That quote is very fitting today. Wake me the HELL up from this dream. Looking for silver linings. And they are everywhere along this path. Hug your loved ones NOW and don’t be the first to let go.
As always, more to come.