It’s Not A Tumor

This story begins yesterday, May 11, 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.  
No actually it started a little bit before then.   April something 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship.  

Lulu: My period is late. I’m not pregnant but I know that’s what you’re thinking. I’m thinking I’m late from all the stress from Chemistry and my other finals.   

Me: Yes it could be anything.  If you say you’re not pregnant I believe you. 

Lulu: good.  

Me:  but you know you can tell us anything.  We won’t be mad.  A baby is ALWAYS a blessing.  

Lulu:   No worries, nothing to tell.  I’ve never had vaginal intercourse. 

Me (thought bubble) oh good Lord that was specific.  What kind of intercourse has she had? None.  I’m pretty sure. 

Me:  I’ll make an appointment for you when you’re back.  

Fast forward to yesterday.  Appointment for 3:20 and at 4:30 that is when I blinked.  Yep just a quick nano-second blink and our lives shifted.  The text read MOM GET BACK HERE NOW! I NEED YOU! 

Lulu has a 16 cm mass in her abdomen.  A quick down and dirty sonogram in the office is how we know the size.  It’s hard to tell if it’s in her Fallopian tubes or ovaries or elsewhere.  That mother fucking bastard is just sitting there in the middle. 

There’s a laundry list of what it could be.  Cysts are very common … sometimes the body just makes them. Often times cysts will go away on their own. But considering the size,  this is not likely a cyst that would go away on its own.  Surgery is a 99.9% likelihood because the mass is so big.  Or they could attempt to drain it.  Who knows?  More tests were ordered to confirm a diagnosis.  

May 18, 2017 in the year of our Lord. Or spirit deity. Or whoever/whatever it is you worship is another blink day.  That’s when labs and other assorted test results will be back and she’ll get her game plan.  

So how does the wacky lady from San Antonio Texas deal with her child  potentially being in harms way?  She writes out her agonized feelings. She has resisted and in doing so she has impressed even herself by not once looking up anything on WebMD.  She has taken even more comfort in her blessings. She hit the jackpot in life!! Still she worries because the family history is hard to ignore.  However she has decided that the mantra in the interim is “it is nothing until it is something”. She will now quit talking about herself in the third person. 

Which brings me to Kindergarten Cop hearing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice tell the little five-year-old boy:

it’s not a tumor !!!!

Because it isn’t.  And of course my over analytical oldest a.k.a. Pony Boy with a heart of gold looks up some stuff and shares with me to help me ease the anxiety.  It’s kind of cool how the mind works.  Distraction by physics.  

Check out this link to Schrödinger’s Cat.  It’s only Wikipedia but it’s also quantum physics mechanics.  And all this basically explains the cat in the box is both dead and alive at the same time until the box is opened to reveal the outcome.  Only then does the state of being become a reality.  That is a non-scientific J-Dub trying to explain Mister Schrödinger’s smarty smart pants theory.  

To summarize, it’s not a tumor unless the labs come back, the sonogram comes back and we’re sitting in the office and the words are spoken.  Right now we are in a state of suspended animation waiting for the box to be open.  Billy Bob is stoic.  Me? I’m numb.  Pony tells me he is between freak out and non freak out modes thanks to dear ole Schrödinger.  His sister, my baby girl, our sweet Lulu is unfortunately or fortunately the cat in the box.  

Say it with me “its nothing until it’s something”. 

As always more to come. 

9 thoughts on “It’s Not A Tumor

  1. It’s Nothing till it’s Something!!! ❤️
    1st – I Praise the Lord she is home!!! Read something the other day, that made me think that’s what you meant. … Learning your “Nicknames ” yet!! Sorry, Been off the chart busy, etc! 😱
    2nd – I Praise the Lord she told you & you were able to take Fast action!! ❤️ Great Mother You Are Jill!! 👍🏻
    3rd – Going out on a whim here & will add faith in the Almighty to this whim…. I’m no way superstitious in beliefs! I do believe the Holy Spirit speaks in
    all forms to us & for me sometimes I understand right away, other times events link together & it’s like WoW, I get it now!! The link here is when our lives are So much alike, just different circumstances was mentioned… Today your blog mentioned May 18…. Well that date stands out with an event that was mind boggling…. but It all worked out Perfect! One more event happened same
    date in 1983…you may remember, but hint….Free to be in ’83! 2 of your classmates walked that stage with baby girls within… All in all, Believing when that box opens, no matter what – All will turn out Perfect!! You’re
    So Wise not to google any info… That can scare anyone to pure panic!
    God has a reason for everything that happens. Whatever “it” is I
    also am believing for you, that it will draw baby girl & you ever so close. It seems to be a trying time for your family to grow together & also to a greater level of faith & confidence that there is an Almighty Physician who Has you all in His Mighty Right Hand & invites you all to take hold of it and walk on the water to
    a new sense of the meaning of life &
    family. Baby girl will grow stronger in this, but sometimes we see worse- meaning anxiety, etc first from our loved ones. That’s why you have become such a strong mother & example for many to learn from! I know you are helping me!! ….So,
    4th- Prayers are going up continually for You All during this waiting period
    & beyond. In Jesus Name, Truly feel Yours & family’s Victory thru these Fruits of the Spirit…. Patience, Faith, Lovingkindness. Hope, Trust, Thankfulness, Peace and above all Love❤️
    Continuous Prayers My Friend!! ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️😘🌹


    1. Your words bring such comfort friend 💜💜💜💜💜 thank you doesn’t seem like enough. We all connect and intersect is this great cosmic universe. I’m forever grateful ours paths crossed. 💜💜💜


  2. I wish I had something wise or profound to say. In reality, you said everything I could say. You’re doing everything right and you know that. When I meditate tonight, I’ll send love and peace your way.

    It’s not anything until it’s something. No matter what, you’re strong. I’ll be the nagging friend to say – Please, please, please take care of yourself. You cannot pour from an empty pitcher. Love to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Daina! The empty pitcher analogy is spot on. Fortunately the family is filling me up as we speak. My tribe can be pretty inspiring when push comes to shove.

      Liked by 1 person

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