Pins and Needles 

J-Dub's Confessions

Raising children is not for the faint of heart.  I feel like a complete and utter failure right now.  And this is really something small. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m not sure why I decided to dig in my heels on this one. But I did.  

Now she’s 175 miles away and angry.  Not picking up the phone.  The last time she was this angry, the event from the painful anniversary occurred.  

I’m spinning out of control myself.  I can’t fix this.  I’m sick with worry wanting to change.  To start over.  To go all the way back to the day she was born.  To be better this time so painful events do not happen.  

There’s a bright light.  I’m giving my child to a higher power.  In His name I pray, help and keep safe my baby girl.  

As always more to come. 

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11 thoughts on “Pins and Needles 

  1. You have done the best a parent can do, giving it over to Him. I would try to give you the old you are a great mother speech but since I struggle with the same thing, I know there is practically nothing that I could say that will make you see yourself as a great mother. My mom gets on me all the time about the way I beat myself up over my mothering. She tells me that I did the best I could, with what I had to work with(meaning me) That God has forgiven me for all my preceived failings and that I have to forgive myself, easier said than done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. We are very much alike and I’m seeing more just like us. Since this is my confession category I admit I’m envious of moms who seem to handle every situation effortlessly. Perfect trouble free children. Maybe that’s an illusion.

      I won’t minimize her feelings but she really does have so much for which to be thankful. I wish she’d appreciate it. I’m sure she’s anxious and overwhelmed. Tough stuff all around.

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      1. yeah I know a few of those trouble free, effortless moms, and a gift and a curse of mine is people tell me stuff I wouldn’t tell a priest (if I was catholic, that is) and when I sit and talk to them for any period of time, shew. It’s never the clear cut, pretty picture I think it is. So, yes lots of times it’s an illusion.

        She will be thankful, in about 20 years 🙂 A friend and I were talking today that kids are grateful, and thankful, and can care for themselves about the time we are in the nursing home and can’t remember our names 🙂

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      2. Yes, exactly. I don’t want to minimize her feelings. She’s entitled to them. Usually she thinks it over then apologizes. This time she is also digging in.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I don’t think there is such an animal as a perfect parent and a perfect child! We all agonise and beat ourselves up about mistakes we make. But you know what? Kids are resilient. Youth sees everything through a black and white lens whereas as we age we know there is no such thing. Just shades of grey. They will learn that too. When they mature, have their own families, things will click into place and they will realise how tough parenting can be. hang in there. You ARE doing OK. You love your kids (that’s why you agonise) and I bet they know it – that’s what really matters

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you. I know perfection is an impossible standard. Looks can be deceiving. I’m hanging on for dear life. I wish I could see that far ahead. I usually internalize it but today I shared with B squared. He should shoulder some of the burden.

        Liked by 1 person

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