Just A word I Want To Murder

Life

Thanks to the Bipolarstoner. So witty. Enjoy!!!!!!

thebipolarstoner

Oh, how I wish I had met you sooner! Your simple magic of fashioning logical answers in such an easy clean sweep is brilliant! Your profound guidance is everything I need to thrive in life. Become a God so I can worship you, please. Tell me I am worthy enough to follow your skilled reasoning to the end of the Earth. I want to bottle you up. I want to marry you. I want you to be my clever tattoo.

I kid, you sonofabitch. The truth is, I despise you.

In my mind, you are immortal. I have killed you repeatedly, yet you persist in existing. I have destroyed you both quickly and creatively, yet you still breathe your stink on me.

Just …

Just …

Just …

Say it again! I beg you to tell me some more how easy it is. Offer that same lame advice twenty more…

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If only I recognized then the beginnings of her compulsions

J-Dub's Confessions

Brought over from FB.  Posted in 2012.  She was 14. 

Call from Lulu this afternoon went something like this …
“Mom, my homework is done, my clothes are in the washer, I am unloading the dishwasher and then I’ll start supper. What do you want on your pizza?” I came home to the best french bread pizza ever … mushrooms, onions and pickled jalapenos just like I like it 🙂 LOVE our baby girl!!!

I confess, I missed the signs. Now only in hindsight do I realize what she was doing.  She’d always been a mini adult, responsible to a fault.  She rarely cried.  She was never ANY trouble.  A pure joy!  Perfect!  To me … my perfect miracle.  But somehow I failed in letting her know that her best was good enough.  That she could cry. That she could just be a kid.  That she could stop carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.  That she could stop trying to please me. 

Regrets, I have a few.  

As always, more to come.