I’m A Co-Dependent Sucker

Ugh! I give up.  One step forward and two steps back.  Can you stay with me by text?  Yes! Nice “conversations” off and on throughout the day.  Not constant just like talking if she was here.  

Then tonight things go south.  I’m holding back because it’s not my story to tell and it’s too complicated to explain. I’m wigging. I’ve run out of ways to be supportive without being a door mat. I’m picking my words carefully so I don’t make matters worse. I tell her “call your dad! Tell him what you’re telling me. Or text him”.  

Then as quickly as it started it’s over again.  I gave in.  She got her way.  Hi my name is J-Dub and I enable.  And fuck it, I’m just done for today.  I need my therapist on speed dial.  

Ohm ohm ohm ohm ohm.  That’s me meditating.  

As always, more to come.  

I Think I Am Finally Old Enough To Understand American Beauty

A satirical dramedy …

After Pretty in Pink, American Beauty came on.  It had been a while since I had seen it, so I watched it again.  This time I got it.  This time, I get the nominations.  Very apropos for the current time too.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  I can find loose connections to almost anything.

As always, more to come.

The Perks of Rural Life – Our Quest For Interet and Cable TV

Hopefully I won’t have to post an I told ya so next week.

We live on about 5 acres in China Grove Texas … that sleepy little town down around San Antone. ¬†Our house is in the non-traditional subdvision of Idel Hour Gardens. ¬†Whoever created Idle¬†Hours Gardens has long vanished. ¬†There is no HOA or other governance. Come to think of it, idle is not a very nice¬†adjective.

  1.  (of a person) avoiding work; lazy.
  2. without purpose or effect; pointless.

I dislike the name and hope the use of idle as the name is not indicative of things to come.  This my friends is a rabbit hole. I started this post without meaning to get into definitions.  So I am going back to task.  Our quest for Internet and Cable TV.

I recently¬†RANTED¬†about the cost of Dish Network. ¬†March 1st we got the first bill at the higher premium and that has sparked some searching for cheaper¬†service. ¬†I know and I know, you can’t hide money and you get what you pay for but … I tried staying with them. ¬†They just¬†made it too damn complicated.

And I found a sign! As I was going through this week’s mail in a pile on the kitchen counter, I came across a flyer for Spectrum, the old Time Warner, formerly Rogers, formerly Paragon. ¬†Could it be?? For the low, low price of $90 I get better than what I have now! ¬†TV and internet! ¬†and the high speed stuff not crappy DSL. ¬†With phone that we do NOT need but bundling is cheaper. ¬†Without phone the cost is¬†more! ¬†Doh!!

I think oh well hell … why not try. ¬†Seventeen years have passed since they drop kicked us to the curb after being a loyal customer for 14 years. ¬†Technology has changed so maybe we are now in network as they say.

I go online and the stalker chat keeps trying to engage me.  Step away mother fucker, I will not engage!  LOL!!!  This will be done on MY terms!  Yippe ki ya :).

First I talk to B squared.  He tells me what he always does.  Nothing, whatever you want dear.  He is not meek mind you but on this issue, he really does NOT care.  Then I call Pony.  I ask him all my technical questions.  I am always amazed at how much he knows.  He is on speaker and B asks him questions too.  We have our game plan.  The main thing is that I cannot get rid of my AT&T DSL until I have some form of replacement.  Because, once DSL is gone, it is gone to the valley of the dinosaurs.  Extinct!  Forever!!  As of this moment we are one of a few who are grandfathered in and I do not want to jeopardize that.  If we switch and then get the same run around I am SOL. I want to keep both until the replacement is 100% confirmed.

All this for a less expensive TV subscription but now I am psyched I might get better internet in the process. ¬†I call the toll free number because I do not want any misunderstanding. ¬†I explain to the rep that we are in a rural area and tried before only to be told NO!¬† We need 300 plus feet of cable run underground or via the phone lines. ¬†Will they do that? ¬†She takes my address and checks. ¬†Yes ma’am you are in our service area. ¬†Your neighbors (whose name I cannot say) have our service. ¬†Yes, I know. ¬†The box is on their property line. ¬†They did not have to extend the lines. ¬†I question again. ¬†Are you SURE? ¬†that we can get your service? I know that¬†she assumes we are in a typical subdivision with cable already there but we are not … typical. ¬†I ask her if she can send a tech out to make sure before we waste more time.

She puts me on hold to speak to her manager. After a brief silent hold, she comes back and offers an installation.  Doh!  This is easier she says.  The techs will come out and if they cannot install everything gets cancelled.  No cost to us.  If it can be done, two weeks post installation we will be billed.  Ok and this allows me to continue my current providers until we are in business with the other guys.

Oh the intrigue!  The espionage!! I feel a little bad for AT&T.  Especially after that nice guy spent his whole day fixing our DSL recently.  Since his superior service, our Internet has worked well (for DSL) and my work VPN is performing better than ever.  Dish is the one I could care less about.  They are guilty of highway robbery!

Oh well, it’s business. ¬†If this works, I will save $17 a month AND have high speed Internet! The savings would have been more but the $90 was for the basic level. ¬†We’d spring the extra to keep the channels we like now. ¬†I have rationalized that this is fantastic – because of the savings however small. ¬† Then my mind goes to the math $17 x 12 = $204 x the rest of our lives = stick to the man :). ¬†LOL! ¬†Now I’ve gone over the edge folks. ¬†See ya on the flip side.

As always, more to come.

The Signs Are Everywhere

Pretty in Pink! is on right now channel 292 EXPDR. ¬†If You Leave from the movie made my first renewed sing-a-long song of the day series this past Friday! ¬†That has to count for something. ¬†Right? ¬†Say right! ¬†Karma doesn’t have to be a bitch all the time. ¬†She has good days too.

As always, more to come.

I Get My Best Inspiration From Sit-Coms

The Great Indoors starring¬†the talk soup guy had the best millennial comeback “Don’t forget my generation is only like this because of the bad parenting of your generation”

Yep.  This is another if only post.  If only, I knew then what I know now.  If only, I had a second chance.  If only, I could forgive myself for all my wrongs.

Damn empty nest full of regret. The weather today is affecting my mood. ¬†I’d swear I have seasonal depression but supposedly I live too far from the equator. ¬†Rainy mood on this rainy day.

For the past few Saturdays, there has been a “crisis” of some sort for Lulu. ¬†I am powerless to help being geographically separated. ¬†Then I think maybe that is really for best because how else will she adapt and grow? ¬†She will figure things out. ¬†At least I hope she will figure things out. ¬†Yet Hope can be like Karma – two bitches!!!

Last night, coming down from the “crisis”, our hope sparkled conversation went something like this:

Me: “You know you have nothing to prove right? ¬†No one decides their life’s profession in 2nd grade. ¬†If the course work is not what you thought and/or¬†something you don’t like, change your major.”

Lulu: “I know but I have not changed my mind.”

Me: “Remember I told you about my friend who’s daughter was going to major in math just like she did and become an actuary. After one semester she was miserable and switched. ¬†She never looked back is very successful in her chosen field.”

Lulu: “I remember! ¬†How could I forget?!?? ¬†Repeat Polly!!! Stop trying to change my mind would you? ¬†Things are hard enough. ¬†I just miss you guys and can’t wait to be home for Spring Break.”

Me: “Okay I’ll quit. ¬†And I’m not trying to change your mind. ¬†I just don’t want you to make choices based on what you think WE want. ¬†This is YOUR life.”

Lulu: “I know, you’re a broken record mom! ¬†Remember, those things they had in the 70s or 80s … before I was even born.”

Me: “That’s my girl! Sarcasm will take you far :). ¬†I just don’t like it when you are so upset. ¬†If things are so bad away at school, do you want to come home next semester? ¬†You can always finish school from here.”

Lulu: “No, I will just plan better for next semester so I do not have any more nights like this.”

Me: “Well alrighty then.”

As always, more to come.